Submissiveness and somber
Passions to high
Intolerable sobriety
Inhaling razors at 3 am
Graceful drunk, worthless
Shattered with enslavement
Starving for a bottle of you
Wishing for a fairy-tale life

The acid sunset
My eyes are weary
Murdered branches raked violently
In the faded gloom
Death is broken with the blood trees
Faceless ancient spirits
Dying starts unsuspectingly
Sharp dandelions and silent turns
Crushed boulders on the edge
Where my identity is erased

I sit in the pew
Early Sunday morning
Looking at everyone dressed so nice
With thoughts invading my mind
Some are impure yet, I continue to pray
With my hands trembling
I wish he knew
As little children try not to make a sound
They stomp their little feet upon the ground
There parents say hush
I really hope you are here
Watching over me in this cruel complicated world
If he knew I was here
I would be black and blue
This is the only place, where I feel peace and new
Among people who really care
Not like him with his commands
As he would yell sit in that chair
Dinner can't be cold or else I would get it
I had to do everything for him on command
I make the trip home after church
Feeling a little better, I had some time
He will be home soon with whiskey on his lips
Then he would force me to kiss
Its the same old story all over again
I prepare the house and lunch for him
I can't eat my stomach hurts again
He was so rough when he took me to bed
My thighs are bruised and my *******
I have impure thoughts that God may not like
But I want to destroy this man
I don't want to lose my sense of faith
I hear his truck come up the drive
It takes several minutes for him to step inside
He slams the porch door, and stomps his feet
So angry not like little children's feet
My heart starts to race, as he approaches me with a raised fist
He don't hit me instead he laughs
Calls me a coward and a *******
What is for lunch he asks with a grunt?
I say I made some soup and ground sandwich spread
Well he replies,  I know what your going to eat
He says sit in that chair
As he unzips his pants
They fall quickly past his waist
He shoves my face into his groin
Good girl work me until I finish
My stomach is churning with the taste of him
When he is done he says, later you will do it again
As I go to stand up,  from the chair he hits me out of nowhere
Next time you need to act like you enjoy it you hear?
I shake my head and eat my tears
As the week past
I attended church
Sat in the same pew
Looked at children so innocent and sweet
With my trembling hands and my nervous feet
This was not going to happen again
And God already knew
I have tried so hard to please you
God I know thou shall not ****
But please allow me a place in heaven
Because hell is where I live
With my sore ribs and blacked eye, I trudge home bible at my side
I prepare lunch and wait for the door to slam
That taste of him that makes me sick
But today is different and he don't know
I have his 30 odd six he uses for deer
If only he knew
After he eats and goes to sit in his chair
He starts to drift off from to many beers
That whiskey kiss that I won't miss
I take that 30 odd six he uses for deer
Put it to his head, and say wake up dear
Now its my time to make this right
You put me through hell and tried to ruin my life
I close my eyes for just a second
And fired that gun
As the blood rushed out of him ,he fall off the chair
Well God I know that was not right
But I would rather sit in jail , then be confined here with him
I will serve my time that is nothing new
So sick of being abused
He is laying on the floor,his blood starts to ooze
I don't want to waste my time watching you die
I have my lunch and feel as free as a bird
I have strength
I never knew
When I called the local police
They came to the house and he was already dead
I confessed what I did so they took me in
My heart felt heavy but no remorse
He was not a man he was evil and unkind
You may of bruised my sense of body and mind
But I'm going to be stronger with you gone
You will not ever erase my faith  
If only you knew

Petals diving through my spine
A wind of intoxication
Idles in my bones
When I'm with you I'm not distressed
Plunging away at the sun
Jasmine climbing the vines
I Gorge on the essence of you
The flesh of your fingers provoking conviction
The frenzy tangled into our core
I want to be sunk inside of you
Floating to get a authentic glimpse

There is a landfill


I call it my heart

Stomach full of dandelion knots, we collected in the rain
Poetry that feels  like bullets tearing my flesh away
I lived beneath your bones every day
Your words spilled like paint covering me whole
I realized I don't  like the taste of blood
Dislodging myself, I  smell words
Heartaches first kiss

We were  street light drinking
Stretching our years not our tears
Putting down roots to make our home
Sticking to church pews stained with sin
As shadows were traced in a golden inkwell
Grasping the map just to hold me down

The things I see when I look at me
Do I see confidence? You tell me
Do I see beauty? You tell me
I’m not thin should I be ?
To conform to the ideal beauty that you need?
Shall I deprive myself of love because I’m me?
My ******* are large and so is my waist
My body is tired yet in place
Ask me what you want to know
I shall tell you
Is it attractive to let your ribs show?
To starve yourself for so called perfection?
Or to force yourself into a misperception
Is beauty worn on the outside? Or does it come from within
Would you love someone less because they are not thin?
You tell me
What about empathy and compassion for others needs?
Would I infect you with all of my fat if I touched you?
Perhaps its my kindness that should procreate
Because nobody wants someone with extra weight
Isn’t that true you say it everyday
In your stares and the you lack to pursue
I’m worthy to love
I don’t have sticks and bones
Fullness with curves that kiss my hips
A stomach that may have had some kids
Ask me I shall tell
I don’t hold my tongue and let you decide
When I look into the mirror my head is held high
I see bright eyes that glance back at me
What do they see?
They see ME

Submissiveness and somber
Passions to high
Intolerable sobriety
Inhaling razors at 3 am
Graceful drunk, worthless
Shattered with enslavement
Starving for a bottle of you
Wishing for a fairy-tale life

Caught my heart upon the shore
Skins of shells unfold
As golden reflections of pearls emerge
My fingertips lace with the sand
Beneath cracks where my reflection lay
My mouth is contorted and ripe
The flesh of my body is warm with light
On the coasts of your curves
Riding the waves as they crest and ebb
Trembling with a rhythm that enchants the petals of my rose

Porcelain prisoner
Ravage the secrets of the morning
Sail linger and bleed

Obsessively stagnant
Wet ivory cheekbones
With  sunken hollows
Calm bones with painted patchwork
Dank ****** sobbing
In this filthy velet pain
Shattered ***** smothers
Ripped and ruthless I spin
Covered in night
With fear dancing in my spine
Bloodly swirls with the poisons I sip
Folded as I slowly shift
Losing minutes and my worth
Tangled in this stroke of the sea
As I weep and try to escape

Painting my toenails, eating lid poppers
A school bus overdose
I'm collecting my senses
Hungry, bee stings, ferris wheel, red shirt, lips, pale, homeroom
I've climbed the fences
Ambulance, weak, tired
Tube, throat, charcoal
Parents, psychiatrist, abuse, eating disorder
Floated medicatons seeping into my body
Home, ***, drugs, abuse, lonely
Thank you Bobby

A careful disappearance
Vulnerable with exposure
A transparent life , shattered and wrong
Drifting and writing thoughts
Releasing doubts , shouting the uncertainties  out

Mountain of suicide
Filled with bliss
God of whiskey gave me a fifth
Rolling into the darkness
I'm shaking with anxiety
Bursting in pieces of flames
As the stone of the river holds me
I pass the mental tears
While phrases lust my thoughts
The nightmares of poets feed my fears

Melting morning dew
As  I  feared, danced, and shaked
Beneath  a thousand years of illusions
Fingers drifting unlocking my flesh
As the voice of footsteps  kiss the summer goodbye

Unraveling  enchantment,  soft, wild, and free
Strawberry hair blooms into a tangled tease
Sultry peach curves
Famished suckling the nectar
Luscious intervals of bingeing
As we entice the  natural  yearning
I invited your you to love
As we begin to swim to shore
Were as bare as the night
Where multiple stars glittered  then died

As your bones are  shattering were confined together
I dive into the bottom of your mind
Overindulging in your ribs and esophagus
Maneuvering   in your foundation
Emptying out the  cage you placed yourself in
Scare all the monsters away
I shall await patiently  for a taste of your heart
I'll relish from part to part
When I'm done I'll live inside your throat

The devil strikes with animals in his teeth
Stick children fighting and burning
Whiskers like needles
Baby blue robin egg bruises
Twisted and impacted into you
A shaft of sunlight is woven into your hair
Faint whiskey drops stir into the sheets
Bites of needles push and shove me down
You're  a pain that won't go away
Selling blood to ease our pain
Rest now love, I will hold you
I'll clean up the blood
I'm so envious of your veins
I wrap the belt so tight

A delicate breeze wets my cheeks              
Painting a desire across my breast
A ****** canvas for us to dance
Buried shapes in a reflection of one chance

Your alluring eyes meld into me
Your roseate lips ablaze my desire
Tracing and spilling as you inflame my needs
Provoking my urge
I draw you near as we empty the air
You peel away my imperfections smoothly and enticingly


I roam your virility spreading and streaking
As you dip inside my heated  mouth
Glazing and rising as you distend
I suckle and tease your liquid love
You clutch my hair , I rake and roll your whole length
As you tremble you pull me near

Your masterful fingers ,discover my pink sheath
Pinching and releasing my heated abyss
You entice me as you roam
Imprisoned into my bones
Flowing as my lady unfurls

We peel away the fluster
As I enter into your shadow
You infuse into me
Rippling and releasing
Tracing the peaks of me
We build and merge together
We raised and we surged
Into a flood tide of forgotten dreams

Frost carved a harmonious poem among the trees
As withering driftwood, thirsts for color
The petals weep with ink
Dank obscured whirlwinds that wish to stay
In fields of everlasting growth
I would disentangle my reasoning

I find my way during this insanity
Heave my soiled bones
Why do you hold me under every time I try and resurface?
Is it that hard for you to see me appear?
Heartless and insensible
I carve you out of my mind
Out of my skull with the edge of your dull spirit
Why don’t you do the same?
Move forward forget all the lies
I have nothing left for you
It is what use to be but nothing remains  
Time has moved and so have I
I refuse to be swallowed by your insecurities
I have lived so long in the bottom of you
Hiding the way
I felt to appease you
To pacify your own fears
Your misery has become my healing
Nothing left but a bruise

Fields of lust
A sensitive stricken hunger
Lost in anger
Stomachs and bones
This  pungent epidemic
Fevered addiction
Quivering and uncurling
Floating upon my *******
In desperate hues of color
Where the sun meets the edge
The yellow sky living in the space of a lost moon
A bird at dawn
A blue afternoon that conceals behind the wings
l shall exit above
To take this place

Just a shoelace waitress on a strangers speculation
Midnight insects squatting in desperation
Morphine gasoline on a pinwheel of fixation
Shame is placed under every table
Still starving for attention

Narrow cheekbones with smears of eyeliner
Restless ecstasy with pieces of pleasure
Painted bones with rotted lace
Extraordinary disasters entwined with unfair fractures
The haze of lovers attached like stones
False interpretations bursting into a profound state
Limbs oppressed naked and craving
The streets painted with lovers slippery and smoked
Skin stretched with the pain of perfection
I emerge broken and branded, forsaking my sanity
Hallucinating  into the yellow air
Harmony ,suffering, confusion and creatures
As the earth purges my anxieties

Don’t be silly yes I adore you
I drown myself in the days that I’m away from you
I recall when I couldn’t sleep without you by my side
But I often feel this heave of sadness invade my heart
So suddenly tearing me apart
I want you I would also like my mind
Perhaps you float inside of me
Swim in my stomach with the whiskey and pills
That at one time I never knew
But pain is so real since you been gone
Everything seemed to lose its appeal
Except when I’m numb because then I feel
My lips are coated with white coated pills
But they desire your kiss
My eyes have no sparkle and my voice has no sound
You were the only thing I never did wrong

Hands feel the integrity
On the path of repairing
Ancient magnetic rain
Poetry and peace go wayward
A box of earth holds my core
The frosted night grants me a kiss
Music begins to play in the perfect stars
A preserved cord with grace on her face
Memories filled with hours of infinite growth
Secure tranquility with a synchronized vow
As flowers seeds begin to flourish I arouse
I caress the stratosphere

I bear a breast beneath his finger
Whispering over the music
One thousand sweet tiny kisses
A symphony of delicious screams
Frantic with beauty that has been left unseen
Chanting a love language by luscious wind
Through insignificant cries
One will recall
The urge to smear the shadows out to sea
Paint diamonds through the forest
Smelling the sweet skin
Worship, swim and run through me

His skin was always so baby soft
I would sleep next to him when I felt like I was fallen apart
We where not attached at birth
In fact you couldn't wait to be away from me
You severed your life cord  
I did not nest in your  soul
I had to leave
I didn't try hard enough
Perhaps  when you where a  baby I held you like a gun
I'm your  trigger
Allowing the bullets in my head to erupt
I feel so much hatred towards the boy in a mans body

With shades of black across my face
I peek with my blue eyes to let me free
Like I bird I could escape
Yet the cage is closed so tight
Although I can see the sky is clear
With all the ringing in my ears
Whispers of your love speak so quietly, yet so harsh
I want to remove your heart so that it don’t beat anymore
Wash the filth of you off my skin
I shall go fly into the wind
If my wings begin to tremble and I grow weak
I will remember the shades of black you wanted me to keep

Beautiful stars, mourning the earths elements
Collecting the warmth from the colorful vines
A shadow in my throat, flowers, unstrung and unkind
Whimsical foreign pages, surrender and thaw

Cracked teeth from  trampoline pills
Electric Kool aid mousetrapped into my air
*** holes in my mind jostling my sparkling flaws
My skin expels spores into the gap of my consciousnesses
Jar of ancient street fumes cocooning  the stains of my past

Bloom into my cherry sea
With Fevered lips losing my way
As desperate kisses come unglued
Drink my honey milk
Dance ,swim , and sway in circles that enchant the way
******* into spiderwebs
Fingers dissipate with no trace

Dying as my eyelashes weep
Blazing dangerously in this heat
Blinding champagne spilling from the stars
Weaving hands into seconds
With the sound of the seeds
Teeth with wings that will never be seen
Oppressing the quivering restlessness
Scraped shadows unspill
Plucked colors of poison
With flesh like pockets of me

Stone footsteps  with a bottomless hostility
Naked fingers gripping at the whispering thoughts
Windows of souls aching for control
An array of fury hovering around
A gripped tongue misunderstood
As mornings are raw and speckled
A portrait of my uncertainty, is becoming blind
Heaven is broken
Faith is behind
As the hazy mindfulness mist,  is transforming me
Hoping that this melancholy will sail away

The warmth of the tangled sea
On the peak of the clouds
As the mystically creature turns to dust
As the lights of the earth burns out
Thousands are restless and weak
Immense pulverized anguish
As the ancient kingdom is spiritually sore
Unraveling the conscience seeds
Clinging to this deep discombobulated world
Fretfull and distured
Ashamed of my truth

The fingertips of my mind are asleep  
As I consume the spoon of my wrongs
The dusty razors braid into my veins
Echoes swirling scars uprooting my flow
Mentally caging me

The sea is tattooed with sunrise and sunsets
Boundless shadows frost the horizon
Silent church floors and breastfeeding mothers
Hickory hilltops with flecks of honey

The sweet madness of unbalanced seas
Like a day dream illuminating towards me
Stars that melt
In the wine of day
The worlds on a journey the sea has broken it away
Curves of her back swallow me away
Through violet forests scattered the flowers
Facing the horizons and unraveling into the limits of the stratosphere
Made of petals that resmble your flawless skin
The tones are trembling and everlasting
The rivers let me sail and distant from that time
Vaguely lit by the summer moon
As the stars of sea infuse and I start to see the sky
Backwards I go emerging into sleep
Completely full of delicate pearls

I'm wounded by his kiss
This alleyway is isolated and adrift
No sanity in these streets
A growing seed filthy and bleak
Flooding me trying to find a home
The embryo sank
Violated all that I had
I hope for a angel in the womb
A starving intoxication  controls my brain
Scribbled thoughts wrote in my head
Panicked tears hypnotize me

A mortal syringe delicious on drunk desire
Drifting in this desolate universe
Wings on the shadows of faded vigor
With a syringe of confidence that don't last
A purging of delicious poetry
As I get lost in the twilight
Stamping,  splintered,  limbs, with sins of temptation
Clinging to the flesh of demise
The taste of compulsion asking for asphyxiation

Accomplished fingers stroking the strings
Vibrating the air, adjusting the stiffness
Ribs of willow securely placed between my knees
Enbowed and concaved
The amplification like ,embroidered words  
The flawless cello harmonious
As I grieve the instrument ,  I weep

Beating wings of the caged butterfly
With powder so perfect and clean
Tears begin to stain my wings
Don't smother my veins
I need some time to evolve
Shed my layers
Gathering the strength I will need  
I'm becoming speckled with shades of green
If only you could see
He unobtrusively empties my grace
I try not to encur his madness
I do have eyes I can see

I'm heading north
I will not be returning in the fall
My fragile body will soar soon
Swaying in the powder blue sky
Drinking sweet nectar

In circles I begin to glide
Dreaming of escaping this space
The freedom was always there
I know it's not right
I return
My essence is splintered  can't you see

Hypnotized with a madness
Drifting, shattered,  and shifting
The storm clouds fall upon my eyes
Numbness trying to engulf the atrocious pain
Eternal bitter tears that I can't sense anymore
The dust swirls following me to my death
Threads of heaven blooming,  linking them together
I'm ready to depart let the whirlwind carry me away