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 Oct 2018 faith autumn
Chaos
PTSD
 Oct 2018 faith autumn
Chaos
How
do you erase
the demanding thoughts
that float around
your mind

How
do you stop
the howling wolves
that run around
your head

How
do you dim
the frightening scenes
that replay in
your eyes

How
do you release
the haunting cries
that reside in
your heart

How
do you forget
the grueling monster
that lives in
your soul
 Oct 2018 faith autumn
q
and now that you have seen all of me
not all of me exactly
but more of me than anyone else
i am terrified
because i still feel vulnerable
in your arms
 Oct 2018 faith autumn
celesti
i wrote you
a letter every day
letters to tell you
just how i feel

written in neat, curved
writing i told you
just how sweet
i thought you were
how you made my heart
glow

letters in which i wrote
with various colors of ink
pouring out my whole being
to you

i wrote you
a letter every day.

i wrote you letters in which
i told you how you made me
bloom.

eventually
i found myself
pressing harder on
the paper
than i had before.

creating tears in them
similar in shape
and size
as the ones
inside of me.

i began to send
letters
with creases
and bumps
and stains
splattered with tears

pouring
from my eyes

as i wrote
the anger
bubbling within me.

my last letter
addressed to you
contained
no words

but was blank.
because
i had none that

could reach
as far

and deep

into the cracks
of my
heart

to describe
just
what you

had left
of me.
a draft i decided to finish because it took a totally different turn than originally intended.
 Oct 2018 faith autumn
q
i like it when
you text me first
i like it when you
play with my hair
i like it when you
hold my hand
i like it when you
kiss my forehead
i like it when you
hold me by my waist
i like it when you
laugh really hard
i like it when you
hold me really tight
and i think maybe
it is because
i like you
 Oct 2018 faith autumn
Sylph
My Mask
 Oct 2018 faith autumn
Sylph
See this smile?
Isnt it perfect?
Isnt it beautiful?
I spent so long perfecting this hand crafted mask
and Everyone loves it
I mean it looks nice
                It looks so..
                                     Real

I like how it looks too
Though its not how i feel
I still like looking the role im supposed to play
Always happy
Always someones Ray of sunshine

I love it so much that i hate taking it off anymore
I dont want to have people concerned about me
I dont want anyone worrying about me and my insecurities
  Its such a waste of valuable life

This mask has saved me and otheres so much
Its only ever failed me twice or so
I just
love it
Its hid the real me from the world
And
I know thats for the best
Of others
The people i love
And
Maybe even me
One day
I might convince myself i am happy
That i am loved
not for this perfect mask
But maybe loved for Who i really Am
If the world could even take that
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