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Feeling Real Nov 2015
You should be able to touch the shadows
Without losing yourself in them
You should line the edges in white marker so you don't miss it
The insistence of darkness and the pervasive
Void in your heart, just listen
When she told you, you were the only hope
The only witness left
Girls like her don't lie
Don't want for your confusion
They are the leaders
She could have been the matriarch
If she had a few more years to heal
But she embraced the shadows at the foot of the bed
Not even able to scream
It's okay, it's perfect, she's in the arms of her first love
Not able to breathe
Here you are, the years lined on your eyes
And between your fingertips
Cradling the difference in the shades
The lightness you can't bear to be
Justice for your wrongs
You try and find yourself no less a creature
You missed the transformation! You're a monster now!
You feel sickness
It's in all of your bones and blood and nobody
Will dare relieve you of the ache
No amount of distance changed anything
And he was the last hope you had
So you killed each other and you lived together
But not even shared bloodshed
Could heal the mess you made
Between your birth and the disaster you braved
I hate this but i'm keeping it up for nostalgia's sake. maybe i won't hate it when i'm 80 please don't judge me
Feeling Real Nov 2015
in the heady coffee smoke
and siren basking sunlight
dead casket reminding me
sleep is not a friendly beast
Feeling Real Nov 2015
It feels like wind whipping through the darkness
Looking up at trees without leaves, through branches
Right into the cold black of oblivion where the sea
Parts and cradles and sits waiting patiently
For all life there ever was to end, for just a break
It gets so busy when everything happens all at once
Dizzying, drawing attention back to street corners
And cars bustling past the stragglers at 3am
Who can't decide if they would rather be living or dead
And instead settle for the nothingness between the two
Lounging on couches, covered in nosebleeds and picking at scabs
Longing for a youth that has been replaced by bitterness
You had a teacher once who told you that life spoils you
There has to be great care taken you don't die before you rot
He waxed on about power lines and the role of money in politics
And promised he was the supreme specimen, rational
But he forgot to look up at the stars at night, to remember
To inhale the smoke that's never visible, to exhale white winter frost
He never left behind his body in the pursuit of understanding
I miss him and the legacy, the promise of materialism
Everything seems so pointless from this vantage
Feeling Real Nov 2015
God no you didn't die
I wasn't with you
God knows I never tried
To make me more like you
The evening never breaks
Without lightening on your face
If I could see it all again
I'd go back and watch it end

Magnificent
Dreaming friend
Never never sleep
It's not nice
I went
Screaming when
I saw your dying breath

Hold hold hold
Hold on
I'm not dreaming I'm not dying
Without your song
Won't won't won't
Won't you be
A little bit less frightening
A little more alive again
I don't pretend anymore
I know it's over but I can't move alone
Without your song
insp by teen wolf, you know, derek hale's first love who he pretty much ******* killed it's so sad really i really hope i did it justice

I hate this but i'm keeping it up for nostalgia's sake. maybe i won't hate it when i'm 80 please don't judge me
Feeling Real Oct 2015
It’s too easy to breath in and let go
To each his own
Too smart to hone your skills
And jostling inside the passenger seat
The hills and barren plains
Tears well in my eyes, but I never cry
It’s not emotion, but a lack of body

It’s a void, black and white
But no color is not a color
so what is there to describe
I am devoid
Deaddened
Decreasing in size and volume and I
Realize that I am no longer the night
But I am not day and I do not shine
I am the otherside
If anything
I am an other, alright
I am
I have to be something
If not, then what
I am scared to find out
Feeling Real Oct 2015
I am not willing to change
I am the ache, I am the night
I am the being
Inside that itches and lies
I am the master the servants ask for alive
I cry for death with each breath
That lets me have reprieve that I don’t need
Open up and grasp
and touch and love
It’s the best thing for you in life
Let go, let go, open up and show me
Who you’ve always meant to be
If you’re scared, I’m scared
I’m ready, aware
Open up, open up, open up
For me
Feeling Real Oct 2015
What poetry is there in decay
You ask and ask and ask and ask
and you ask and you never shut the
**** up and wonder why you want
to decay in the first place

Do you want the winter in your bones
After you’ve beaten autumn
into submission? do you want
to proclaim your victory from an ice
mountain, your castle, your crypt
Your ******* skin stretched thin
Do you want to be the only winner
in the race to death
Yourself is the only one playing
So you’ve only lost by a hair’s breadth
Every time
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