I feel, invisible
Was I born for decoration?
You say I'm important
But your actions contradict
Your words - no
Your lies
That you want me here
Because all you have done
is destroy the trust, that,
To be honest
Never existed in the first place.
You say I never listen
But when last did you look at me
Really look -
Through my angry disguise
And realise, you are the disappointment
I tell you what you have done
And you tell me what I have done, wrong
I was trying to change;
Why should I change
For somebody who will never change, ever
Because you are right, I am wrong,
And stupid for ever trying
To convince you.
All you have done
Is made it worse
In turn
My anger has erupted
Is my genuine happiness
supposed to be
a side effect of yours?
Because I think I have become immune
And you have been feeding me this medicine for too long
If I put you first
You downgrade my actions
and turn them into dust, somehow
If you put me first
I must have asked.
Can you admit
Acknowledge
That what I want is not
What you want
Can you respect that
Or do you enjoy complaining
Over
And over
Again
About things that
You don't try to prevent
But now I don't care
Because you didn't - don't care
That I cared
That I tried.
You resent my actions
And complain
Denigrating who I am
But that is your opinion
And your opinion does not
Dictate my life
when you never even listen to mine
If you do not want me here
Why did you bring me
Just so you can show me off for
One hour
One hour of fake
And downgrade me
For the next five
Stop trying to change me
Because you made me who I am
Whether you like me or not
Even if you are never
really here.
You are going to say the same
For me
I am trying to change
But you are not
Because you are using me as
An excuse
To justify yourself
And your actions
I am not vouching for your acceptance -
Frankly, I resent who you
Are turning me into:
The opposite of who you
Want me to become.
I walk like
I talk like
I look like
A decoration
I say why
I shout why
I stop myself -
Now I'm in trouble/
At least, I'm no longer
Invisible
But what do you expect
When you treat me like an obligation
What do you expect
From an ugly decoration?
Never mind
After reading this you'll just get angry
And punish me for having feelings
And shout at me for having feelings
And say I'm wrong, discard my feelings,
Replace them with yours
And I'll say I'm stupid
For believing you would listen
For once.
Did you notice, I always stop talking
Because I will end up saying how I really feel
And waste my breath
So I wrote it instead;
Paper listens to me
in a way
You never have.
It's like you care because you have to, not because you want to. You can't just throw food and money at me, and then say, 'I didn't raise you like this'. You raised me, and changed me, who I am - tainting your perfect image.