I look for you here
something in me longs to find myself
hidden in someone's sorrowful words
or adoring lines
I look for a mirror here
as my eyes wait for your name
I want to see myself in blazing colors
Poems from the eyes of another
But selfish never gives me happy
and I stare at my own too much

May my mind
not find
silly things to be upset about
When before me stretches out
The height and depth
The length and breadth
Of Love
Taller than the longest rod
that claws it's way to space
It reaches past it to the land of light
And shoots it back
to pierce my heart
May my hands
not find
a day of joyful work without
When God never ceases to give out
every golden opportunity
each flake is precious and on time

I wish to age like a wrap-around porch
In a thunder storm,
While generations tell tales,
Sipping drinks.
A porch of blinking stars,
A shelter out of rain,
With ascending and descending friends.

I will age like a tree,
Grow stronger in the wind;
Give shade and shelter to all
Beneath my ring-aged limbs.

I wish to age as a river bends,
Contiguous with all shores;
Floating everyone I know
On eternal waters,
A current winding with no rest.

I will age like a star,
Burning bright, giving light,
Something to reach for.

I wish to age like a mountain,
With secret caves and riches.
And you can rock your soul
Around, over or through,
Solid, snow-capped summit,
Beckoning you.

I will age as the moon,
In stages, full and new;
Each night different,
Unnoticeable fading,
As all who age will do.

I like to paint my eyelids rainbow
to color all I see
Different shades of reds
And blues and greens
I do write with colored tear drops
and so the paper's stains . . .
must oft contain the lies of lovely feelings

I look back and read and wonder
at the garden on display
And I ask if what I wrote about
was just my own artistic creations
washed
Away

Desire needs no concrete thing to cling to
it slips through cloudy memories
like garishly painted pink snakes
Dripping down like nectar from a forbidden flower

But Hope rises like a tower
Shiny and confident
It leaps to pierce a dark sky
Letting light into my mind
Lending strength to unused muscles
Adding bright and cheery music
to two words
Alone
and
Free

Lately I've been thinking of
dipping myself in paint and throwing myself on a canvas
Every epithelial particle leaving its own mark
But I cannot place my every cell in colors
for most lie underneath my skin and in the dark

Lately I've been thinking of writing out all the words I know
the ones better than "thing"
shocking sentiment in shaking sentences
But I cannot write forever to encompass my whole being

No splash of colors can express me . . .
No never ending line of diction could . . .
Make Me Known

Was there ever an instant in time
When I wasn't in your mind?
Every piece of DNA and RNA
In full breath and 3D meaning
Along with every word I speak?
Did you think of me
at the parting of the Red Sea?
When everyone thinks You would have been preoccupied
Am I in Your every moment
My blue and purple hues stretching further than a canvas of the sky?
if there are moments for You
El Roi!
The God Who Sees Me
I am ever in Your sights
You smile with each sigh

I lay on the pyre
burning . . .
bleeding . . .
longing for my flesh to be finished
completely stripped away
Sometimes pouring is preceded by drilling
And joy so thrilling interspersed by lengths of crying
burning . . .
bleeding . . .
whispering away the trauma of old or newer lies
my Lover hears my cries
and calls me on to sing it all