I‘m a man they said

calm and composed
For when I speak knives come out
cutting the air on its way

For my lips are a whestone
sharpening the blade these words are
whenever I speak my heart

For pain I carry is the dark obsidian
forming the edge
where I would fall from

my love, you wear silence like a coat
and i am left drifting like a far-out wave.
the wind tangles leaf and sky.
winter is barely noticed, the moon
is a ghost of forgotten flowers where
the night sings to the starry waters,
sings of our love. everything is sailing
like a ship in a bottle, a kaleidoscope  
of brightness, gothic hill and wildflower
ruin, flowing like a silvery stream.
do you dream of me? do you burn when
the night wraps you in her cloak and the moon
unwinds the waters of the seas?
do you dream of me?

There are moments of darkness in the blue light.
It feels like an unmapped expanse is wrapping around me.
I'm able to do my job to its full extent.
But now there seems to be a toll.
For so long now I have been among the stars.
Diving into their cores for new life.
But I've come to a realization what this feeling is.
My prolonged existence is the divine energy taken from these stars.
But as I take light and divinity from these heavenly bodies.
I begin their countdown toward fate.  
The dying stars are the darkness I am feeling.

I reflect on my recent youth,
And realize,
I chase empty husks,
Seeking a love I’ve never felt.
I suppose I have always known,
Always seen that I seek home in others.
Perhaps it was home,
Once,
Or twice,
But if it was,
It was built in lust,
And their luck.
An object in their eyes,
And they a god in mine-
Not once did I fall because it was convenient,
It was quite the contrary,
Really.
My lust is a reflex,
A cry for love,
Not this petty game,
Of white lies I am often subjected to.
Feeding into your fantasies,
To get what they seek.
I feel like a plaything,
That sweet, behaved BabyDoll.
A pawn on their tabletop
And willingly, too,
Title upon my collar.
Ashamed, I am,
Of this toy I become,
For boys who claim to be in love.

I have been in and out of homes all my life,
Being removed after strife after strife.
I never had a real home,
And I always felt alone.
Joy was something I could rarely find,
Until you were mine.
I found Home,
In your arms,
In your eyes,
In your smile.
The only place I can find myself at ease,
And truly release,
Is when I am with you,
And only you.
Around you I am truly me,
And I never thought I would know who I could be.
I never thought I would feel safe,
But with you, I'm okay.

Our love is Red,
With passion,
Like a flame,
Lapping at my heart.
Our love is Orange,
With spontaneity,
Like citrus,
Explosive and sweet.
Our love is Yellow,
With Joy,
Like the sun,
Forever burning.
Our love is Green,
With life,
Like a plant,
Always growing.
Our love is Blue,
With calm,
Like the ocean,
Coming in waves.
Our love is Violet,
With luxury,
Like royalty,
Forever comfortable.
Our love is a Rainbow,
With beauty,
Like a promise,
Never-ending.