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It is time
For me to do unto you
What you've done for me.
For me to stop making you a priority.

It is time
For me to decide how I want to
Look upon the past
And what light
Or darkness
I want to carry forth
From here on out.

It is time
For me to look at myself
My fears
My flaws
My insecurities
My habits
My....

It is time
For me to remember that it hasn't always been like this
That I
Haven't always been like this.

It is time
For me to decide
Who I'm going to be.

The clock has been ticking
And I've been standing still.
 Dec 2017 iamnotreallyme Rupina
Z
i must walk day after day
in the footprints of no other
i am my own before i am yours
and this you must remember
that long before you arrived
i was just the same
the same pretty, joyful girl you call me to this day

i must admit you've helped me grow
in ways that no one can
but i myself will shine each day
with or without your hand
My darkness

The sound of cars pass by my window
I sit and think why am I here?
Am I supposed to be a good person?
Am I supposed to be a criminal?

I look at the sun coming thru the window
All I see is my darkness
The pain I feel with in
My torment
My heart beats
My head feel like it’s on fire
Every time I here someone say something I’m like you’re a liar.

My crutch
My darkness will win
The screams
The laughter from the demons in my head
As I lay here in my bed
I ask out for the strength to be dead.

End the darkness just to see the light
If anyone is listening please help end this fight.
My soul takes that endless flight
Please save me from this hellish fight.

Nothing to hold on to
I let go
As I fall and then the dark sets in
Could it be true is this  the end?
It’s real the struggle within the pain is never ending.
Play victim
Make me lose my head
And say something I'll regret
You know you're in the wrong
So focus on the former
And don't let the latter kick in
Anything but the matter
Ignoring all the questions
So you can play blind to the facts
Hide behind your mask
Created from turning your back
I'll hide behind mine
Created by doubt and always bringing up the past
I wish I could scream and shout like you
The problem isn’t that you aren’t good enough. No. It’s that you give your all to people that don’t give a **** about you.
- flowers can only blossom in nourishing soil, and you, my dear, have been planting them where there is none.
I want to talk
I want to tell
I want to share

Share about this pain in my heart
The aching of my soul

But I don’t
I keep it bottled up
So full I fear it will explode
Shatter into a million pieces
Scattered around me
Like the wreckage,
Or aftermath of a war

A war against myself
Long fought
But I don’t think I’m winning

Most days I feel as if I will always be losing
Losing myself

Phantom whispers caress me
Their volatile words shock me
The painful spasms of my heart
beat in time with my thoughts
swarmed in fears

Fears that I am not good enough
That all that I am, will never be enough

These fears take form
Until they are all that I can see

When I look in the mirror
I won’t even see me​
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