You left me with blank pages.
You left with the ripped pages.
Blank pages, you left me with blank pages.
A clean slate
A new beginning
…without you

I guess you were trying to tell me to not write about you anymore. But how do I do that? When you’re all—you're everywhere, you're everything. You're the bed I sleep in, the mug I drink in, the air I breathe in. Even in the nothingness and numbness you’re there.
So here I lay, thinking what to write.
Thinking if I should even write…
Here I leave these pages blank.

me i am. the me who i never was anymore. no more. no. not since we parted. the me i was, left with you, died with you. me i am, a hollow cage of memories, of journeys of lost.
there are days when the me i was comes in glimpses, in flashes. she cries and laughs, and hurt and bleed and dies. the me i was, hurting, longing, still lost and finding.
the me i am, now hollow, still looking, still lost. now empty, still blue, still nothing, not new. though no longer does she cry. move so moving.
the me i am, maybe is the me i was. maybe is the me i never was anymore. just no you, just lonely and empty. obliviate and blue.

there hasn't been a day
that i don't cry
i just keep on saying
i'm okay
oh it's a lie

my head's filled with thoughts
black and blue
worrying about everything
now that's the truth

the thing now is
i'm afraid
i'm floating with my thoughts
in my brain
think i'm going insane

i haven't slept a week
been having black coffee for a drink
and my room's a mess
adding to my distress
let's face it
my whole life's a mess

and here's the thing
i'm afraid
i'm floating with my thoughts
in my brain
think i'm going insane

9 days into the new year
and I'm already asking God
to take me away
Away from the pain,
the paranoia,
the overthinking
and the deafining silence.
Hypocrite. I'm a hypocrite.
Two updates back
I was stating
my thoughts on death
How I only did not want to die
because of my family...
But now
There's this voice in my head
Saying they'll eventually move on

I'm lost
So lost
No words to put in
No lines to draw
I don't know what I am

I want to disappear
To be gone
To be calm and be at peace

I want my words back
I want to draw
To skate
To laugh
To be free

I don't want to be alone
Yet i don't want to burden anyone
There's no place i could run to
I have no one...

I've forgotten how many times
I've shed tears,
cried rivers
over songs
books
films
that reflects
me and you

word *****: [inspired my audrey turla]

if we think positively, we'd think that  droplets of rain fall down to kiss the ground. we'd think that those monsters under our bed stays to make us safe and sound. but the thing is, i can't. i continue to live with thoughts such as the rain to be the tears of the sky, that the monsters under my bed waits for me to die. if only I think more positively, and not see the glass half empty, then maybe these dreams will be the new part of my reality.

taken for granted, that's how we live our lives. taking things and others for granted yet wanting more than what we have taken. and that's how i was with you. i took your love for grated, for all the things i've always wanted. not caring about your laughs or smiles, leaving you crying in places you'd run for miles. i took you for granted for knowing you'd always be there, leaving you all alone with all the pain to bear. i took you for granted until you finally left, and you took my heart with you, a first class theft. now its your turn to take me for granted. for that's all i could do. and wait for you to love me again, until time's a dew. take me for granted for that's all i could give. the only thing for you not to leave. i'll be yours so stay and use me, until the day you finally see, that you're, again, in love with me.

every night she
sits on her bed
with a cup of
coffee in hand
and a million
questions in
her head.

she questions why
she questions how
why did he lie?
of how she's lonely now.

like a movie, playing
in her head
a nightmare
turned reality
with him
on the bed
with another girl instead

one forty-five a.m.
the caffeine kicks in
heart beat fast
mind drowning
of him
of her
thinking of the past.

Why must we float on shallow waters?
Why must we sing in a flood of tears.
We float on shallow waters
Yet you let me drown

Does it cross your mind?
Moments we spent ‘fore morning
You left, no goodbye

So sad it is
For never will they
Cross paths, even not
Tomorrow. Today. Yesterday.

A puff of smoke,
Fell the air,
I lie on the ground
Her eyes and tangled hair

Take a breath
Take a kiss
Let me tell you I love you
Even more, how you, I miss

Rest,
Hold om
A week's over
It'll all be gone

Take a breath
Take a kiss
Give a hug
Give some bliss

And all of these
Must repeat
To feel at ease.