I had a dream
The other night
And by the end
All I saw was white

It was a appoctalyptic world
Many years after a war
World War Four
Is what I knew

And I felt a force
Slip into my dream
Making reality a myth
And tear at the seams

Every where I looked
Poeple were paranoid and afraid
They pretended like it was not real
That it might just leave or fade

But the evil force stayed
It grew strong and brave
It told me I must **** myself
If my dear ones I were to save

My father was the one
To hand me a razor blade
He said I must slit my throught
For every sin I had made

So I started slicing the skin
But I realized it would never end
There are too many sins Ive commited
So I choked on my blood and the razor I did bend

I awoke seeing white
And air couldnt grace my lungs quick enough
I cried for ten minutes
Because to me it was real and tough

Dont let dreams take over
Your life and your mind
They might seem fun at first
But whatch them and mind

When you first start dating  
All the imperfections and pet peeves  
Fly right out the proverbial window

You don't notice the way they  
Chew with their mouth open or  
Leave their tooth brushes by the sink
You don't notice how bad their oral hygiene is
And you convince yourself the  
Loud snores they make while you  
Lay wide awake are endearing

What you really don't notice is  
How short tempered they can be  
And how they can snap at you for simply  
Pointing out the clothes on the floor

Or how they don't communicate  
Their problems well

How they are flighty and accidentally  
Interrupt conversations

And you certainly don't notice how  
Unknowingly demeaning they can be  
Towards you at times  
How they can make you feel insignificant and  
Minuscule when they never meant to

But now I am seeing all these imperfections
Flaws found like a scratch lottery ticket
Each day scrapes off something new for
Me to win
Like the way they leave the tooth paste
On the counter
Or leave the gas on empty for me to fill

And each new day brings to light  
My own imperfections
The way my room is a mess till midnight
When I go through a mania period
Or that I whisper during movies
Letting slip what I think the possible
Endings could be
That I can hold a grudge like no other

How do relationships function
With all these imperfections?
Why would you deal with someone  
Who is so imperfect?

That’s the thing though
You aren’t “dealing” with that person
And if in some way you are then
You shouldn’t be in a relationship

You do not deal with love
You accept love
Talk to love
Try to help love

Your end goal is not to change and
Morph love into something
Unrecognizable  

No, your end goal is to
Grow together and talk things out
To never stop growing together
To be there for each other
And to be honest with love
Not to hide how you feel about
The constant chaos of the clothes
And the toothpaste leaking out of the tube

Do not hide from love
Or you will lose it

If you're having male problems
I feel bad for ya ***
I've got 99 problems
But a **** ain't one

I've not a care in the world
Not change in my pocket
My house is a wreck
Left my keys in my car after I locked it

Got a dad who screams
And a mom who fights
Have a friend who's pregnant
And a dog that bites

But what I don't got
To deal with at night
Is a man begging me please
And grabbing me tight

If you're having male problems
I feel bad for ya ***
I've got 99 problems
But a **** ain't one

I am sorry
For my imperfections
For the insane words that drip
They are not my intentions

I want to be normal
For once in my life
To not have voices
Causing my strife

Clingy and annoying
Separation issues and crazy
Bipolar and ****** tendencies
My memory is hazzy

When you don't talk
Don't respond
I tell myself to let go
But I cant

I sit quietly
Secretly wanting to slit
Open my wrists
On my lip I bit

I've bitten harshly
On my lower lip
Red liquid pours
Solid in drip

I only want love
That I know I will never receive
I cry because my barely beating heart
Is cracked more that one would believe

I just want us
To be together again
To hold hands
With my favorite friend

So just ask already
You know I'll say yes
What's holding you back
Is it just nerves and stress

Because I'm ready
I can tell you are too
So let's elope at the park
And start something new

We tell ourselves
It won't hurt

We promise ourselves
We won't cry

What a crock
Of *******
*******

It's been a long day
I whisper and sigh
Every moment full of anxiety
Full of me wanting to cry

I tell people I'm fine
I hand them my lies
Nearly perfected the art
Of my disguise

I'm over wheeled
By normal teen events
But some not so normal
Some are more permanent

Like the scars on the skin
My emotional trauma within
The past we don't talk about
A taboo of sins

It's been canned and pressurized
Packed tightly inside
All the secrets I hold
All the secrets I hide

There is a storm raging
All around my mind
The calm is on the outside
The storm harder to find

Its midnight
And I feel like I am steadily
Whispering into everyone's ears
For them to lay down their guns
Loosen their nooses
Throw away their knives
And keep surviving until
It becomes thriving

But on the inside
In my fragmented ***** they call
My heart
I am breaking
Crumbling
Cracking and convulsing

And air is filling me up
But the will to live is dying

And I can't tell anyone because
Everyone is walking on the grand
Wall between life and death

How could God exist when we
Have the power to end it all
With the small jump off the step stool
Or the **** of the finger
How can something that is suppose
To control everything and see everything
Be so powerless when it comes to death

Why does this keep happening
Why won't it stop

Greed and growth
Grasslands dying and glass shattering
Grotesque and grim
Gladly dying, for death is sweet

We are loosing our empathy

Jinxed and joy
Jaws hanging low
Jerks and justice never served
Jaded emotions are strong

For innocence and compassion

I talked of you today
I let my thoughts go where
Words flying through the air

I had to stop
Forced by my throat as it tightened
The moment quite and still

It was that moment it slapped me
Two years and talking of you brings pain
My mind is still not sane

My friend looked at me
And could see the anguish in my eyes
As I tried not to cry, tears stinging

If I had a time turner
I would twist it till my fingers numb
Just to see us teens happy and dumb

Your place in our bed
Is chilled and worn down
These restless fits own me
In these blankets I drown

My fingers travel the bed
Searching for your coat
Smooth and black
Then tightens my throat

I cannot take in breathe
I cannot sleep at night
I fumble in a sea of blankets
Hoping I just might

Might find your body
Fragile and small
In this sea of blankets
It is where I lost it all

You tried to catch me
In mid fall
I contimplated stopping you
You insisted to lend a hand

My heart stolen by another
So you slipped into the darkness
You ran many miles, my dear
Just so you could steal it back

But once you found my heart
In a box it was kept
Beating slowly, hypnotically
Dying, starvation grasping it tightly

You rushed back to me, my dear
Heavy breathes fell past your lips
You prayed to God I would still be alive
You found an empy shell of a woman instead

My heart crumbled in your hands
As you stared into my eyes
That day I whispered no you you, my dear
The words cascaded from my mouth

I cant love you, I am broken
I cant be mended, though youre hopin'
My body weak, soul chokin'
Im sorry, my dear, I cant be loved

You took my heart, crumbled may be
Compressed it tightly in your hands, you see
It formed its shape, as it should be
You breathed life back in it
You saved me

*My dear

I enjoy to slice
Cut deep
And watch the red nectar of life
Slip away from my frail vessel called body

On satin sheets we stretch
And tangled our bodies lay
Our thoughts confused and disconnected
No words we need to say

Your soft hands search for me
But I still feel jaded and wronged
So I curl away from you
In the bed where I no longer belong

My feet hit the ice cold floor
And I sigh as I stand
My hand reaches for the door
On my own command

You turn in your bed
And whisper come back
Your hand palm up and out
This time not in attack

My body sore
And my mind weak
I turn and walk back
Feeble, unable to speak

Though my feet bring me to you
Next time may differ
Maybe next time I will be stronger
Maybe next time I will be bigger

But until the time comes
Until I can stand on my own
Fear controls me
Til my last moan

A happy smile
A happy Life
A hidden soul
A rusty knife

I might seem happy
Its hard to say
Like you are
"No, not that way"

But words are weapons
They are deadly things
Wield the wrong one
See what it brings

The cold heart aches
For skies blue
Will you listen
What will you do

Will you run
Far away
Things are sketchy
Hard to say

Fill in the blanks
Erase the bad
Dont think about it
About what you had

Ignoring all
Those hate filled words
It is nothing
They are absurd

So walk away
there are two paths to take
At this point
Make it or break

Break my body
Tear at my heart
You wont let go
Wont let it start

You're yellow
I'm sorry
But that's just what
You are

You could try to be
Indigo
Scarlet
Vermilion

But you are
Daisy instead
That's okay
Even if others don't think so

So paint with your colors
Fly and show them, proudly
Don't try to be different
Because when you do

That's when you loose yourself

I hear you praise her
Again and again of her beauty
You speak softly to me
The list of things you have in common
And I smile

You talk about her hair
Her short but built body
The girl's perfect frame
And perfect smile
And I nod

But what ever happened to us?
The midnight calls
Late night texts
The warmth we shared in bed?
And I cry

Because once you have her
Once she finally becomes yours
What's already dwindled away
Into a dry trickle of a stream of understanding
Will become nothing

I will mean nothing to you
I almost mean nothing now
As you stay up late with her
And I lay in bed clutching a pillow
Wishing it was you

You sometimes forget my age
That I am only sixteen
You whisper words and tell me things
That you dont always mean

You see me older than I am
Because my soul is old
You tell me all your worries
Of how your heart has grown cold

But when you dont tell me
What is on your mind
I feel hurt and my curiosity peaks
My fingers twist and bind

I can tell something
Picks at your head
Something you wont tell me this time
Something filled with dread

I feel betrayed and sad
But I shouldnt be
You are my mother and I the daughter
Its not you its me

I am afraid to dream
For what it brings
Is frightening things
A ballad they sing

My dreams are filled
Of Empty boats
Pianos missing keys
Dead dry leaves

Children with their faces
Sullen and hungry
Bodies lay around
A morbid company

An unfinished scale
Someone plays in the distance
Minor and old
A strong resonance

The choirs clash
When they sing
In my mind
They do ring

The orchestra is
Out of tune
My ear drums
Will explode soon

The ensemble
Is out of place
Of the beat
In this case

I cannot take
The sound they make
It feels like
My soul they take

And then I awake
From my dream
Away from all
The hell they bring

You, boy, have been
On my mind
My sanity lately
Has been difficult to find

Ive been wondering what
You do in your spare time
Are you thinking about me
No it's not a crime

To think about the past
And our past persons too
Because I've been thinking about you
And your point of view

I think about you holding me
And your lips touching mine
I think of the fire works we watched
The kisses stolen waiting in line

So do you still think of me
I still think of you

Please still think of me
I still want you