there is a vast peace
in the respite
of disease;
aware both of
infinite time
and finite life,
giving notice to
what endures,
what passes.
each moment hangs
glowing in
the sunset of eternity,
perfect,
ripe and juicy
as the strawberry
growing
from the cliff.
tiger of living above,
chasm of death below,
hanging by a
breaking branch
with red-stained lips.

The oxygen that we breathe
in
and
out
every minute of every day
is not lost
but shared
re-used
recycled
recirculated.

If we are in the same room –
or sealed hermetically for hours
in the cabin of a plane –
we breathe continuously
the same air,
the oxygen goes from me to you
and back again.

But air currents,
prevailing winds,
the jet stream,
cyclones and anti-cyclones,
all move the atmosphere further
and further still,
so that even if we are
on opposite sides of the globe,
separated by oceans,
it is a statistical certainty
that I still breathe in
atoms of oxygen
that were once
inside
you.

Do they carry your thoughts,
your feelings,
your poetry to me,
or mine to you?
Who can say?
I can but hope it,
as I thank you
for keeping me alive.

the full Moon winks , gives the thumbs up ,
the stars cross their fingers and wish good luck ..
the kind Oaks sway , hoping for the best ,
a katydid plays a diddy about the day we met ..
a steady pulse of rhythm courtesy of a musical Bullfrog
a fastidious , tuxedo wearing cricket pulls out his violin ,
plays a beautiful Italian love song ...

just as when looking into the sun
i am dazzled by pure light
which is invisible
and i only see what is lit
by the paler reflections of its rays

or when my mind refusing to hear a perfect silence
creates its own thundering echo
of that silence
so that i may more nearly understand
the incomprehensible

your absence also is absolute
and leaves a void in me
i cannot come to terms with
until it is filled
by a memory

Your ***** feminine pose,
the proud look in your dark eyes,
your legs strong as columns,
your statue enchants me.
The curves of your full firm *******,
your hips, your thighs,
the sheer femaleness of your belly,
speak to me so much
of the woman you are.

But a statue is fixed,
forever beautiful, but unmoving.
It does not breathe, has no voice.
Its surface, smooth as your skin,
does not have your softness.
Blood flows through your veins ,
your flesh is warm,
but your statue is cool to my touch.

All it can do is remind me of you,
and whilst that reminder gives me pleasure,
it saddens me that the statue is not you.
All I have of you is in my memories,
in my imagination,
and though I rejoice in those thoughts,
my joy is tempered all the time
by one unchangeable fact.

You are not there.

there is a distance
between us
more than distance

something

not a wall
not impenetrable
a fence

a security fence
easy enough for our words
our thoughts
to pass through  
easy enough to breach
from time to time  
to allow access
to our innermost feelings

but so easy
to reinforce

too easy
when things get tough
when doubts arise

when protection
seems more important
than communication

Each day I wake up and I'm smiling
Because I'm one day closer to finally dying
Life isn't so hard if you stop trying
Look happy baby, no one cares if you're crying
I light my cigarette and I take a deep breath
With smoke in my lungs I can finally rest
They tell me it'll **** me, ask me if its worth it
I tell them if it does that would be perfect
I'm tired of living always looking down
Picking pieces of myself up off the ground
I knew a man who finally got out
Of this world made of agony, that's all it's about
A handful of pills and he floated away
Left me in hell to live another day
I told him that without him I wouldn't survive
Yet somehow each morning I wake up alive
It isn't fair that he left me out here alone
Just a few months befor he was meant to come home
Home where he finally would've been okay
It's a shame his own demons came to take him away
I begged him to stay
He couldn't take it one more day
If it hurts it helps
More than anything else
Another cut another bruise another burn
I'm a hypocrite that will never learn
Pushing ideas on everyone else
Begging them to live when I can't convince myself
So I'll keep breathing even when it hurts
Going on with the knowledge that it only gets worse
Just remember that you're living a lie
Life is **** and then you ******* die

*The Suicide Diaries