theres a part of me
that hates my body
that wants to tear me apart
eat at my heart
and never let me breathe

****
these monsters in my bones
they claw away at me

my life my soul, my dignity
i need it back

please

please

save me

this is a cry for help

longing for attention

dont let me go

back

back to that place
the familiar darkness
that creeps around me

steals the air from my lungs
and the blood from my veins

i long for the end

or the before

when there was nothing
but me

or the end

where there is no more adjusting

i hate the process
breaking and healing

then breaking more

i worry that i wont heal
from this

anymore

i am in a room

trapped

for a brief moment
the door opens

for three days
i go outside,

into a high fenced yard
I think i am closer to freedom

i sleep outside
afraid that if i go in
i wont be able to go back out

that doesn't stop them

i am in a different room now
no windows
no beds

i just want to go home

If I hide they won’t find me


Please don’t let them find me

I think smooth
Soft
White

Porcelain stands up to much
But one little crack sends it to the garbage

Porcelain is strong
Disguised as weak

I’m so tired
I’ve pushed my body to its limits

To my limits

Who knows how far this body
Is willing to go

To survive