if souls exist
if the universe was anything other than perfectly chaotic
I'd say we were meant to meet
but happenstance is just entropy at work
and I can't say I'm lucky because I don't believe in luck
and there's no god to be grateful to

but I am
infinitely
happy
that I met you

I've known you twice
in this life
and some things are always the same
(if you can say
always
about two people)
you're always vegan
and you have really great hair
and a love
and understanding
of art
that I can never hope to match
with my numbers and my equations
(like x = you + me is never one I can solve
because you need two equations to solve for two
variables
and you're always
variable
and sometimes I'm not even sure I know myself)

and I feel in the pit inside me like
we should be good friends
but maybe you don't need me
and maybe this connection
is only a one-way street
the way some people say they feel
connected
to celebrities

(I don't think I worship you
like you're famous
but there's some kind of worship
there
anyways, like you're a blinding star
and I'm a lump of rock
spit out by some minor moon
barely worth your notice, even though I
revolve around you)

and I never find out why it seems
like your heart always has to beat
a million miles away
from mine

there's an ache in my chest
in between all of our ribs

for sunlight kisses
and the warm wind's breath
on my neck

the wind swiftly sweeps snow
into curved corners
and sharp edges
into drifts
and the snow
drifts

but minds
and hearts
drift
to thoughts of spring

it doesn't feel
like new beginnings outside
when there's black ice at every turn

but when snow falls it's possible to pretend
that the world is erased
and with it
all mistakes

there's quiet on the wind
(no longer a breeze)
as though this whole curve
of the Earth
is holding its breath
waiting
for snow

The sun rose the other day
through fog and mist and rain
(I didn't see it)

The sun set the other day
amid tangerine and pink and light
(I briefly glanced at it)

The moon was bright the other night
even through the clouds
(I saw it walking home)

I could add that it reminded me
of you
and how I see the light of you
when you're not really there
and how other things shine
just from being around you

but this poem is not about  you
and I don't want you to slip into my stanzas here

******* it