It is hard to forgive sometimes
and I now understand that statement
to it's full potential because of you
and I know that
one day I will forgive you
I do not know when that day will be
but I promise, one day
I will forgive you
for it **all

You are a forward notion of competition and utter desire of love
You have a smile that could stop a truck, eyes that out-blue the ocean
You are eager and dedicated to all that you do
You are kind, understanding, hopeful
You make me believe in myself
and give me the confidence I always hoped to someday acquire
You are an undermined base of love that is slowly being restored
You are the abandoned house in the lost most beautiful area
You did not even notice the vacancy
You are the match that lights my fire
You are a garden filled with venomous flowers
So beautiful and so dangerous
But I have always liked a little risk
and maybe that's why I will never give you up

Some of my best poems
are ones about you
and I am not sure
if I should apologize
or thank you for that

I apologize in the name of you far too often than I should
I paint the picture and I am always the criminal
and you are the victim
Yet, all the while you stole my heart
I've been told that the more love you show,
the easier it is to get heart broken
And I have shown far too much love to you
Secreting my feelings for you in my back pocket
being careful not to sit down
and break what I have left of hope in tomorrow
and break the rest of what I have left of your smile
and maybe break a little more of my innocence and hope that love might be real enough to be returned by someone like you

As the liquor undulates down my throat,
burning a little more at each swallow
like lighting a match with wet fingers
I realize that in this moment
I am not worried about you
I am too busy sequestering my existence
with alcohol that does not remind me of you at all
the one thing that can not summon your name to my mind
one thing that makes me forget you, even if only for a little while
Fueled by liquid fire
nature’s neutrality doesn't do much
for this current wave
of lust and infatuation
I am only a girl
fragile, choleric
& craving something to fill the hole you left
And I know I will wake up in the morning
with regret, a headache, and an empty stomach
It can take 2 hours, 8 hours or a full day
to get alcohol out of your system.
but it's going to take
much more than time,
to remove you from mine.

Hope is, by definition, a feeling of expectation and desire for something to happen, a feeling of trust**
Hope carries anchors on it's shoulders, afraid it will only meet the standard of almost
We all hope, but we do not all receive
Hope is the product of human weakness
We long that's why we aspire
Imagine how weak man is, we are not like birds that can fly when we want to go to places or we want to see people
We are frail and easily inflicted with illnesses
We are fragile bottles that easily break physically and emotionally, hence the development of the helmet and airbags
The study of human emotion called psychology and psychiatry
And worse, we die, that is why men searched for the fountain of youth to no avail
Hope helps us to move on and continue
Hope is a wish, hope is a motivator
Hope gives a reason to keep going
Hope is the whisper telling us that it will get better in time
But I ask, why do the hands of my clock have arthritis
Hope is not a liar
Hope is encouraging but hope is also deceiving
Hope is joker, a trickster
Like an amateur magician, everyone could see the trap door but me
Hope will disappoint you
Hope is not perfect, hope does not always work out like you think hope should
But hope is valuable, hope keeps balance
Hope carries the unable, the dreamers, the optimists
Hope is the guide
Without hope, we're lost
Without hope, we're nothing

Today
multiple times
people brought your name up
in casual conversation
tossing it around lightly
not realizing that they were handing me bricks
each time they joked and nudged my shoulder
one brick added
each time their lips curved upward in a smile because of my odd disposition
two bricks
each time I looked down trying to avoid the multiplying of baggage
bricks
they carry your name in their minds sitting next to mine
they see my love for you as little or insufficient quantity
just a crush, no big deal, she'll get over it
Today
multiple times
people brought up your name
and I just looked down, looked away, looked anywhere else
because all I have ever known
was to look away in the name of you