I love you so much

so I gave up on you
stopped talking to you
and watched you love somebody else

and even though I know I am miserable and so sad not speaking to you

I know I am so much better off
without you

I wish you would lie to me
once more  
and say I love you
(please) do as I say and lie to me
I know you can read this
and when you do
(if you ever do)
this is your sign of please don't (come) back
don't put me under your skin again
don't put me in the (back) of your thoughts again
don't  hurt me

(to) infuse poison into my veins was one thing  
but to let (me) die for you instead of falling
knowing we weren't for one another was another thing

j.f

And the moment will end
And love will fade out
And things will get boring
And tears will be coming out
from one of us
And you might walk away from
each other and never say another word to each other but that's how it goes and that's how life is nothing will last forever and people don't last forever and things will walk out of your life like it's nothing and it's okay

But she will remember the good things you  did
She will remember how much you loved him
She will remember when you would stay up all night just to comfort him
She will remember all the times she was sad and you would be the first person she would talk too
She will remember when you would be there for her when no one else was around
And she will remember the small things a lot longer

And years from now she might remember how happy she made you
might remember your laugh for 3 seconds and it will go to the back of her mind again and she will smile
Smile for as long as she can remember your hair and your laugh and your voice but it will all be gone again
But everything you ever did for her or tried to do will be pinned in the back of her mind
She will remember how honest you were and how deeply you affected her
She might not remember your name but she will remember how that unknown person made her feel

but now there is nothing else left
no more of that love he will just remember your happiness when you were together and he will be happy and think if you have found happiness again

And you know what? That's all that really matters at the end

I just want somebody who wants
to ******* mind at 3 am
who doesn't get annoyed by my jealousy and by me texting them
in all caps when I'm happy and
texting them 6 times in a row
someone I can walk with at the park
and stay 5 hours on the swings
just laughing and talking about anything that pops up onto our minds
somebody who isnt afraid to catch me when I fall for them
I want someone who
kisses my forehead
holds my hands and
never wants to let go
I want someone who knows me
inside and out and
knows what I'm thinking just
by glancing at me
someone I can sing along
to the radio with
someone who chooses me over anyone else and doesn't think twice about it

I just really want that to be you

j.f

I hate
a million times hate
when people say
"people should fall in love
with their eyes closed"

Because when I did
she didn't let me open my eyes

j.f

I don't know why I love u so much
you don't even show me
the love I need
the affection I would like
to have from you
I can't feel your touch
I can't feel anything
just the words you say and write
and your voice, oh my sweet girl, that I love so dearly
which keeps me awake
through the cold lonely nights
the voice that I loose sleep too
and the words that I cry too
and it's not that I want to feel
a little weak from another
human being
I just cry
like my body is begging me to cry
like my eyes just turn teary and
water runs down my face
the way it runs down the windows that night
I guess the rain reminds me of you
and how sensitive you are like the rain drops touching the windows so softly
making beautiful kinds of droplets
but oh my sweet angel, all I ask is please don't
ever leave me and be by my side
come to me and
hold me like you did with her
stop filling my rib cage with
false butterflies
just love me like you loved her
and show me the love
you wish you showed her earlier
just please let me be her or
at least pretend so I can feel happy
because you're my happiness
and I know.. oh  I know that
that's the worse thing someone
can do to themselves

j.f

I really do hate
how I see you as this
perfect human being
with a perfect beautiful mind
and you really don't deserve that because you're the worse
you grew poisonous flowers in my rib cage and poisoned me with your mind
drowned me in a deep blue sea and
left me there when you found the shore

j.f

I dream of your
                           hugs,
                                    kisses,
and I'm loyal to you in dreams
I dream of your smile
            and again I begin to
                                     fall for you
I also dream that you realize that
I want to be apart of your world
I live in my dreams
and I want to wake up
and give you my real love ...
                               I'm tired of imagining
I want to wake up
    to make it come true
I always dream of you
I have no other option
because only like this my heart lives
I dream that by your side
I can believe again
that I won't lose
But I just can't wake up

There was this girl
who wanted to be a boy
she lied to the one person
whom she claim(ed)
she truly cared for
her words were like galaxies
and she spilled black velvet
poisoning my mind with black holes and when I would ask her about herself her mind was empty
with no answers like the
unanswered questions
about the
universe

j.f