difficulty strikes
and you run
turning tail
sailing away
far away

far away
no words could sway
your inner pain
support dismissed
kissed goodbye

hurt not yet realized
outer shell sterilized
showered in luxuries
surely you will someday realize
that little girl u beat
would grow up with inner heat

this heat would grow
growing never fading
the father who was never present
fueling that heat

are you honestly shocked I chose her over you?
she may be a *****
but she would never ditch
leaving because of disagreements
always staying

supporting
punishing
training
for the future
finer things not present
and not important
struggling but staying

you gave up the right
and the sight
of that scared little girl
growing into a young woman

oh! you think the way im being raised is wrong?
that's ok!
you have no say
she's doing a bad job is she!?
like you could have done better?
ha! that's funny!
you fail to realize I have changed
and you are to blame

that shy sweet girl is gone
never to return
ashes long since burned
makes your stomach churn
missing all these milestones

but you were absent
it may have been a god sent
that anger never present
personality never suppressed
all because of your issues

pregnant by 16 you say?
im smarter than you think
freedom doesn't equate to mistake
why make this complaint?
as if you cared

did guilt rear its face?
its about time you showed humanity
worry less about vanity
its harmful to your sanity
wishing for clarity

your absence not forgotten
used to strengthen
you were absent
u don't even realize
you will struggle worse that I
I have few memories of you
you will miss me
its not my fault you ran like a *****

I am afraid to take off this mask I wear....
  



           for the real me you'll see... is not pretty



stay away......please
          

                                
  ­                                   *don't come any closer
              

            

                   you'll wish you hadn't
  


At least I think you would
                           




                                it's better this way
                                        






if you never see....




              So forget about it







                                     And forget about me






for
  



                       I
    




will




                                                 ­                Be








          **nothing more.....than a distant memory

Stereotypes are a   commodity
Stereotypically
My childhood should be filled with only happiness
Happiness because of my color
No struggle

Struggle should never have confronted me
Never should have shown me how to survive
Or how to better myself
Because me being me I realize

I realize the uneducated hide
Hide behind stereotypes the unconsciously enforce
Enforcing by proving the statistics and stereotypes
Statistics and stereotypes that have to have an origin

If you judge me by stereotypes
You will fail to realize
The stereotypes you fight to uphold
will never define me

I will succeed not because of my color
Or because of a stereotype
I will accomplish my goals
Only because I refuse to let others limit
The excellence I can achieve
By pushing stereotypes that hold hardly any truth onto me

Basically you're saying you don't need me
Without saying a word
As you look away
Eyes caressing the floor
like they once caressed my face
Grazing my skin yet leaving no trace
I can still feel your eyes on me
Warming  
making me blush without any warning
Electrifying my skin with your stare
Yet you don't know my name
I'm just a face now
That you see in the halls
No more memories of laughter, or those late night calls
That I cherished close to my heart
Those smiles and butterflies I let fly above the fear
That one day I would find you like you are here
Telling me you don't want me
Without saying a word

Your text
Lights up my smart phone's screen
Elated, excited and feeling dumb beyond belief
For a minute I allowed my mind to wander
Dangerously thinking
Falsely interpreting your message's meaning
Forgetting just for a moment
Your smiles mean nothing
Forgetting that we're just friends
"What's up"
That's what your text will say
Followed by a
"Did you see her smile today?"
Yes I did.
No she didn't wave.
The smile wasn't aimed even aimed at you  
Every week
I watch you watch her like a fool
Coming to me for advice you're too afraid to use
Pathetic is the only word that comes to mind when I think
Of how you agonize over every move she makes
Yes that was a blink.
No it wasn't a code.
Blinking twice doesn't mean yes, once doesn't mean no
As much as I despise your infatuation
I'm guilty of a crime of similar aggravation
I like you but you'll never know

A smile
So brightly aimed at me
Elated I was beyond belief
Just to think someone was finally noticing me...
me.
My presence had unconsciously formed a smile on someone's lips
And for once I felt...
Pretty

Suspicion quickly replaced
His joy surely mirrored on my face
Reality began to resurface
Someone must have paid you
Why are we speaking?
Complete reassurance
Embarrassed at my foolishness
I'm sorry self-doubt rules my life

Insecurities sharp as knives stab at my brain
Jumping around, replaying all the words I've ever heard people say
All the times I've been judged by the size of my waist
Before it was even thought to ask my name
Talking myself down
Building myself up
Anyone would be lucky to know you
You'll never be good enough
You're so fat
It's just more to love
Finally convincing myself to reach for the chance I deserve

Another smile in the hall
I wave happily
Switch to confusion when I see you don't do anything
I wondered what I did
Where did I go wrong
Until I notice her and understand all along
While I convinced myself to be brave
Once again I remained unseen

Remember when you were just a kid
How you would sit on the beach for hours
Waiting for the Sun to finally set
Sleep on the beach
Because you were tired from the day
Remember how you would get chased
By the girls at your Elementary school
Hahah you had good times
Till you found out and could really understand
That the woman who lived in your house
Who always sent you off to school
Who kissed you good night
Who told you she loved you
Remember how you felt
How you grew so angry
Because the truth was that this woman
Wasn't your real biological mother
Your real one abandoned you
She left you at 13 months old
Left in the middle of the day
In *****, soiled diapers
She would pass out from the alcohol
Crash from the high
That the drugs gave her
Leaving you hungry for hours
Waking up when your father came home
Or her drug dealer wanted something in return
Just because she didn't have the money
Remember all of those things
Remember when you met her for the first time
She asked your stepmom
"Who is that? Is that Jr?"
Yeah it was you
Grown up and matured
Remember the thought that passed through your mind
How can she not know who the ******* are
Remember how angry you were
See I know all of this because
Well simply put I am you
I am 17 years of age
I want you to remember the way you were
Because with age comes wisdom
And I have been privelaged enough
To have a good sense of observation
I have become very wise
Well we have become very wise
See I miss those times
When we would ride our skateboard
Or try to blow things up with a firecracker
Hahaha remember those times
Look I don't know if you remember all of this
But if you ever get a chance to read this
Know that I hate us
I hate all of the darkness
I hate every poem I write
I hate everything I think about
Simply because the darkness is towards her
The poems are written for nobody but somebody
And the things I think about
Keep me up well into the late hours of the day
Robert
I hope you get a chance to read this
Because this poem may be the last
You may never get a chance to read this
Because I hate the fact that I have so much pain
So much of useless emotions
And I am tired of dying within words
Written on a piece of paper
I want to embrace death
So hopefully one day you will read this
Even if you come back in a different life
As somebody or somehing else
Just read at least one line of this
So the past doesn't repeat itself
I hope you can forgive me
                                               Sincerly,
                                                     Robert Guerrero

written at the Herzl Camp

"A drunken man got mad at him / Because he barked in joy / He beat him and he's dying here today / Will you call the doctor please / And tell him if he comes right now / He'll save my precious doggy here he lay / Then he left the fluffy head / But his little dog was dead / Just a shiver and he slowly passed away."


*This extract comes from a poem called Little Buddy, and is controversial. Allegedly written at the Herzl camp there are claims it might be originated by someone else by the name of Hank Snow.