For a long time coming I have known things weren't going to be easy
the genie isn't going to give wishes like it was candy on halloweens night,
every night I'd lay my head on my pillow and cry for about ten minutes
"it'll be easy soon, isn't it?" I'd ask myself convinced myself to go on
like a parrot repeating the same old song, I said "it'll be easy soon",
and come noon of the next day; I realised it had been a routine,
a living pattern of new scene each stained in the same old ways,
the same old days reliving itself in front of my eyes.

A few nights ago, I tried to **** myself and I did not die,
somewhere, something is keeping me alive and tomorrow
I'm going to stop trying, because trying to die was more exhausting
than trying to live. I made a promise a long time ago to keep going on
and that will be the path I am on.

I am choosing to try to be happy for this year
I'd fought my fears and I'm one new day into my life,
and tonight, I will try my best to invent dreams in my head before I sleep
rather than spent the time in a deep cry, because tonight,
as lights go off and my head hits the pillow, I will be thinking happy thoughts.

I love all of you.
I'm going to keep on going, each and every day.
Until old age rips me away from all of you.

"Dave?"
My stomach was shaking, almost churning to every single beat. Dumf. Dumf.
I remembered that day clearly, the 21st of January 1995.
My heart kept racing on but I still didn't know why it was so unsettling.

Most mornings, I had awoken to the sight of the ever so handsome boy-toy of mine, 'Dave'. This morning it wasn't the same, when I say it wasn't the same, it was like I was in a parallel universe kind of ****...'not the same'.

Most times we were attached, not in a 'meet you at the middle of the slice of pizza' kind but the literal kind. I haven't gone a night without sitting on the other side of the toilet door or as Dave liked to call it "Dear I'm just painting the porcelain because white is just way too plain", it was cute the first forty times but it still grew old quick.

The clock had turned its short hand to 9 and that was all that mattered to me in that moment. It was 9am: breakfast time. I didn't smell Dave's pancakes, I didn't hear the sizzling of frying pans or the clanging of things... I don't cook much, if not at all; so I wasn't really sure what Dave was doing but I knew it had a lot of clangs and dings.

My day was invaded by a little bit of rain, the rain pattering against the windows used to be what Dave and I loved. When it rained, it meant we could just stay inside and enjoy each others company.

Time passed differently
It always passed differently...
I decided to sleep most of the day away until Dave came back the next day because he always did.

__________________­______
25th June 2075

"Dave?" My stomach was churning to every single beat. Two women enter both dressed in some ridiculous halloween costume. "I just woke up"

"Yes you did", the blonde hair woman said to me.

"Dave?" I called out again.

This time the other one decided to open their mouth, "Ms Louise, there hasn't been a Dave for a long time. You haven't been taking your medication have you ma'am?"
_________________­_______
26th June 2075

"Dave?"...

*Time passed differently.It had always passed differently...

When the bell chimes,
The casket prepared,
Remember times,
When you cared.

Cry not for my soul,
Be glad for I am fine,
I will be perfectly whole,
When it comes time.

Don't remember me,
Erase me from your mind,
For you will eventually see,
That you will always be in mine.

Don't stand at my grave,
Memories eventually fade,
There's nothing left to save,
I will be bounded by palisades.

The palisades known as time.

The stones whereat, in vision, I see,
The courting cries of cicadas,
Are scorns, and all thy noise,
trifled from astray of honesty.

Thine eyes, a testament of beauty
That dilapidate upon
O'! Stars! thy's hissing word
Like Odysseus' deadly deceit.

Thy heart, once purest gold
Untainted by the world
Hath become stained
To mark, a smudge, a scar.

To ---

I know not of worth and value
     Nor can I hold my place in your world.
That honesty and truth is surrendered
    In the wakes of a single lie.
I applaud those who never lead astray
But you my dear, have stained my conscience
Of love and trust

It was today
That I learn I could not love you
In the way he has shown you,
I ask myself 'what if I grow to?';
But I was asking the wrong questions,
Because I should have asked
'Will you ever love me the same
As you love him?,

And I should have known
before hand.
...

The skies may fall
The clouds may turn grey
The dark may rise
But I will love you all the way.
Be it tomorrow, today, yesterday.

They say love is chemistry
Chemistry is simply a science
I simply respond to that in silence
Because with you it's not science
I don't care about the facts
I don't care about your figure
There's a different picture
You are an artwork to be adored
And you can only ever see art
If you chose to see it with your heart.

I want it to be in the darkest hour
I will watch you like a blooming flower
In the brightest moment
I will be by your side till
We join the words never and over
To form the fact that we're never over.

I want you to know,
You are my future.

May this writing reach you, who deserves her more
I trust that you will cherish her with every breath
And love her with a love that doesn't end at death.
I wish nothing but happiness between the two of you
I hope your love forever remains stronger than mine
Keeping both hearts in tandem from the baseline.
I hope you take care of her and make her happy
Beyond any happiness that any human could find.
I hope you cherish and love her every hour
And feed her a love that blooms like a flower.


-From he, who needed to forget.

You have been the star beaming lights through my dark nights
I wish I knew how to show my gratitude to you
The helpful voice of reason that showed me left from right
And made sure that my heart aches don't leave me askew.

You are an amazing person and with a very helpful heart
I hope this poem reaches you and that 'thank you' is just a start.

Lorie Anne

You are so filled with wisdom,
If you were worshipped as a religion
Church of Lorie Anne-ism
Because you have a kind heart,
Giving me helpful advice
I know now that with certainty,
I've never met someone that nice
Until I met you.

All my questions have difficult answers
And an attempt to solve them
Is like trying ballet as a beginner dancer,
Extremely difficult
But you have shown kindness and care,
In ways no one else could provide
And i thank you for all of it.

To love or not to love; That is the question:
Whether to hold hearts hidden in shade
Or to let loose the leashes and allow escape;
Was't in her beautiful smile,
Or was't in how her mind was such alike to mine,
Nay!. It was the way she looked like the sun,
as it shone light on the moon,
Never to expose its flaws
But to embrace its beauty.
The way she makes me laugh non-stop
Simple by just one message
Or the way she show her care for me
Despite never meeting me yet.
I can not wait to be able to confess my love
To her as we are immersed nothing
but each other's embrace.

To love or not to love; that is the question:
And to love , is always the solution.

To love or not to love; That is the question:
Whether to hold hearts hidden in shade
Or to let loose the leashes and allow escape;
Was't in her beautiful smile,
Or was't in how her mind was such alike to mine,
Nay!. It was the way she looked like the sun,
as it shone light on the moon,
Never to expose its flaws
But to embrace its beauty.
The way she makes me laugh non-stop
Simple by just one message
Or the way she show her care for me
Despite never meeting me yet.
I can not wait to be able to confess my love
To her as we are immersed nothing
but each other's embrace.

To love or not to love; that is the question:
And to love , is always the solution.

Every mistake I make,
Brings me closer,
To the one I'll put all at stake,
Just to hold her.

The way she will look at me,
Like the way I look at the stars,
The way she will look at trees,
The way I look at cars.

The way she'll genuine laugh at jokes,
Holding her hair back from her mouth,
For whenever she wanted to speak or spoke,

When she says 'I'm happy',
The way I can reply 'I'm star gazer nice to meet you happy'
And get a genuine chuckle.
The way she encourages me,
And the way she'll build blocks for me.

I will meet you one day,
And I'll marry the heck out of you,
You take my word for it,
Mrs star gazer...

I don't know where you are,
Or what you're doing,
But i know you're near me,
Somewhere. ....

Oh please let you be the hottie down the street,
Just kidding.
I'm sure you're beautiful.

Can't wait to meet you,
Your love...
     Star Gazer

Ever since I met her, I felt like I've been living in a fantasy world
where pearls are found on land, diamonds are bound to our hands
and the passing of the sands seems all too quick for me and her.
I have dreamed of a love like this, a love that keeps me up at night
not from fright nor fear of what may come in the darkness
but the way an artist envisions his paintings and drawings walking,
talking behind each hidden smile and each following eye
I felt like I've leapt on the canvas and painted exactly what I wanted.
This girl, she makes me scared, makes me happy, makes me sad,
not the bad kind of sad but sad to ever think about disappointing her,
the blur in memories are filled in with moments where her smile is visible,
like a mythical creature; I can not believe such a beautiful girl exists.
Betwixt the sunrises and sunsets, I've seen my share of happiness,
my life is one happy mess and it's thanks to that one angel.

My starshine, may we be together forever in time,
I love you always and forever; whichever one of those is longer,
and each day I grow stronger with nothing but the thoughts of you.
So because of you, I am happy again...but also scared.

Scared...because I'm scared I may never ever love again,
unless that person was you.

Happy valentines day beautiful.

Some things remained close because they were never meant to be open,
not all is starlights, high tides and bright nights in each moment
but it is not to say that they won't appear or have appeared before you
the exit sign is still lit, your smile is cracking but the glue is before you,
I know I have said it many times before, how I urged you to stay strong,
to listen to a song, to meet people and get along but I was wrong...
sometimes staying strong isn't enough to keep you smiling or happy
and something is always lacking, so please listen to me;
you will make it, because bending and not breaking is your style,
and teddy, that smile, will arise before you as the way it has before
so you can choose the exit door or just hold on a little longer.
stand a little stronger, build yourself firmer, because you won't break,
there's a space filled with opportunities, chances, so without haste,
what is your sign? Is it a Leo, Capricorn or cancer? What's the answer?
It doesn't really matter, because signs don't define you, they define route
and the news that you aren't happy with the you, the you that you are,
is like lighting a burning star on fire just to wish of it from afar.
Take your signs, the exit one is still lit but so is the building
because you are not crumbling, not while I am here, friend.

Take a minute off your mind and don't mind the minute details,
they're like emails, trash boxed and binned, forever stuck in junk.
I know it's not about fun, it's heart and soul, tears and sweat
each moment could be a laughter packed with imminent regret
but you better not forget that I am your friend and I have hope
that you know what is the better road to take, the path to make,
the sea escapes my eyes like a wave clasping onto the shores
and before you, I see a strong piece of solid gold amidst the waves
never changing shades, always floating on as the sun overcasts a light,
and it reminds me that maybe that is enough to see in humanity
the flicker of light, a spectre of sight, a tiny bit of 'I'm probably not right-
but I don't really care', and to be fair, that's all is required.
Take the path that you wish to tread because what is walking a thousand miles for someone worth, when you're walking alone?

I sat there looked into the skies
Thinking of slices of pies
As I texted my lies.

I lied to you about the drop bears
No talons, muscle toned body or steel hairs,
I'm sorry I lied to you but here's me bare.

I bare to you now, the truth in entirety
You're probably thinking '*** he lied to me-
This isn't how I thought this guy to be!'

Here's another truth, I don't just like you,
I really really really really really like you,
In a way that the sky is blue, I just do.

Third truth, I said I think you're pretty
I am not confessing now so you'd show me pity
But you're extremely beautiful, way beyond pretty.

Fourth truth, I told you I didn't want to bother you
The fact remains, that is only somewhat half true
Because when you are busy, I'm dying to text you.

Fifth truth, I said I didn't know how to appreciate art
I think I do, it's about viewing with the heart
And with my heart you are a masterpiece work of art.

Sixth truth, I was at a party and I told you I just sat there
That's a lie because I indeed did something, I was grasping for air
As I resist the urge to text you 'Hey there :)'.

Seventh truth, I told you that you made me happy
That my mood shifted from crabby,
That's a lie because you made me ECSTATIC, not happy,

Now I have bared you my soul
I have told you the truth in whole
Hope you can forgive me, for this...

I took a step towards the moon
I promise sweetheart I'll be with you soon
Just need to finish up some business,
I mean what's 30 years anywas right?
I have missed you,
It's been kind of a relief
That you visit me in my dream
Every night.
One day I'll walk to the moon
And never turn back
I promise.
I hope you haven't been feeling lonely
Don't worry, the feeling is mutual
Life on Earths ******* boredom
Since you've left.
Don't worry sweet heart
I'll see you in my dreams
It gives me the chance to tell you
Things I never got the guts to say
Like the way your eyes remind me of cupid
The way you walk reminds me of cupid
Your smile shines even from the moon
And you remind me of cupid
Because I love you.

What is 30 years really?
I'll be with you soon.

Many nights I have spent wishing you would come back
I'd combat the thoughts of you with numbing substance
pressing random buttons forming words and sentences.
I have mentioned this about you a couple thousand times
"each succeeding line is all written in the presence of her
as the nights bother the days; I've spent minutes dazed,
felt crazed that she would be so far and so distant".
People say time heals all wounds, as if tombs would open up
and frozen hearts would start to roam the Earth once again.
It's all a fantasy, to fantasise a world where time heals wounds
is like repainted rooms would had not once held the colours before,
the pretence and second layer is a covered decor, it's fictitious
to witness the ticking of time and suggest that scars fade,
and part ways are path ways that don't necessarily mean anything.
Times don't heal scars, nor do they properly heal the wounds,
the tunes that once shared between two people in tune still hurt
and words spoken between the two lips and heard by the two ears
are fears of memories still trying to dig itself out of the coffin
buried beneath the passage of time and the belief that everything is okay.
It isn't okay...
It hasn't been okay...
Time is supposed to heal wounds but I'm consumed by the memories
the Decembers, the Februarys; months go by and the scars are still there
the wounds are still bare to the touch and all I can do is open up
the poison that numbs the feeling.
It isn't okay...
It hasn't been okay...
They keep telling me time heals all wounds, but the golden minutes
only brings up old memory visits that lead me back to where you lay.
I'd play would you rather with you one more time if I could talk to you,
but time undoes what I couldn't do. Time keeps passing and it's letting me
still remember you and for that I am thankful.

I love you.
One more year has passed.

I'm sat here
Wondering how it went
When the sky bent
Seemingly
I remember sixteen
No matter how many days
It's been
I remember you
Coming home
But it's all so different
I guess what I'm trying to say
Is I kinda wish you'd
Come home again
But then
I don't know if I'll be scared
Or saddened
Wondering if you missed me
Knowing that it's history
But I want you to know
What you really meant to me
And though I'd left you
At mystery
I always wondered whether we could come back
To where we first met
Holding the roses on my chest
Telling you you're beautiful, all over again,
But I've only partly mended
Oh how I wish to see you again
Giving you my favourite pen
Listening to the songs we'd love
Only to realise I'm all alone.
I just wish I could tell you
All of the things I paid hell to
I just wish I could smell you
Let you know,
I'm thinking about you
And all the things we used to do
I don't know if I can live without you.
I don't know if this is called living.

Sometimes it gets easier,
The feelings it passes
And with every class,
I come full circle
To missing you again.
I guess you were right
I am like a turtle.

Why is it that thoughts of you
Never seem to vanish
And though time could stand still
Darling know that's not enough,
I need it to reverse
And hope that you can come back home.
Maybe history is cruel
Keeping my mind on you
Just to see me go insane.
You'd walk through every door
But the one I want you to walk through
Is stuck between life and death
And so I promise this...
Even if it takes my last breath...
I will live to be the man
That you dreamed of,
I will live to be the man
That you envisioned to be perfect.

And I know I'm not much
Nor will I ever be right enough
But darling know that I'm going
To do what's right by you.

I will be a loving husband
I won't ever be a has been,
I'd give my wife
A man with full abs,
I'd give my wife
All the pieces of my heart
And though it's only words
Know that I've tattooed it in my soul
That I will be the man
You have always dreamed of.
That I will hold every piece of you
In my arms.

To your surprise, she's crying.
Cuts and scratches dripping blood
With her own shredded skin
Rain crimson pain that was
no longer dripping from the glands
of her eyes.

'I'm ok' she lies,
And as the blue sky rain heartache
The storms shadow casts over her
And the darkness within her
completely surrounds her every breath,
'I'm ok' she says,
As she awaits her own mortal ending,
her death.

Two trains came to a stop at a station,
Our eyes met one another behind the glass
I was going away from the city
And you towards the city.
We were close yet felt so immeasurably far
I placed my hand on the freezing glass
And you aligned your hands in the same manner
We were like an inmate and his wife
Separated by a sheer glass.

The trains started to move
And we were cursed with the heartbreak affliction,
Our trains were moving in opposite directions.

Trolls are
Faceless behind a screen
Preaching words of places they've never been
And feeding the flame to those who wish to perish,
"Just get another one" to those who had a recent miscarriage
It's all rather barbaric.
To have a tongue of barbed wires
With poison filled salivas
It's all very toxic.

Trolls have destroyed lives
behind words of a keyboard
Each keystroke a string of disasters
Each sentence a blood spilt on unspoilt grounds
And when death occurs they are no where to be found.

Trolls are underground gremlins
Who believe that building a bridge out of the corpses they make
is the only way they will ride to heaven.

Judge not lest ye be judged
But I believe the contrary,
I have not known your pain
I have not known what you suffer
But I will not wait for the words to buffer
For the videos to buffer
Just to hear and read your words
About how I don't belong on this world.

Build your bridges of corpses
Ride your keyboard horses
You won't be able to destroy
What has already been destroyed.

In my car with my shades on,
Listening to some jay songs,
Feeling like nothing can go wrong,
Then I ran a red light,
And got a $300 fine.
*******.

My life is The Truman Show
I openly cry the nights away,
I openly admit I miss the one I love,
I openly admit my wrongs,
I openly weep tears of joy,
I openly say I hate myself,
I openly say I love myself,
I openly use tissues to caress my skin,
I openly wipe my tears away,
I openly know I don't sleep when I'm sad,
I openly admit to being sad,
I openly treasure the people i love,
I openly believe that fate is still around,
I openly admit I'm weak,
I openly admit I need others help
I openly admit I've been broken by people,
I openly admit I don't want to live at times,
I openly admit I probably won't be able to get over that one person,

But....

My Life is a True Man Show.
And crying does not make me any less of a man.

"'I will talk to you later"*,
But later never comes*.

They say you learn plenty
When you finally hit twenty
That everything changes
You connect with strangers
Abandon crazy dreams
Let go of balancing beams
To pursue proper prospects
Against all child you expects.

No matter how many years it's been
You will never once again be a teen.

Two hearts formed in stone,
Sorry that I couldn't split them apart,
Never roamed alone,
The love these hearts shown,
Is what kept two hearts becoming a heart.

Two paths branch out in a lively crowded park,
In hopes that I could travel both, I could not,
one path encased in nothing but dark,
the other path padded in soft bark,
And I chose the path where things went to rot.

These two paths shown me life changing affirmations,
In a way they showed me the world,
The paths showed me that everything is built on foundations,
A common bond that can't branch off without relations,
It showed me how two hearts remain strong despite things hurled.

Two places connected together,
Poetry formed the bridge,
The mutual interest and mood setter,
A connection between two ridge.

I fell at your feet and formed a stepping stone,
In hopes that it was a foundation to love,
But now as i aimlessly wonder into my mind alone,
I realised separately we coloured the sky like a dove.

A waterfall connects the lake to the ocean,
As water flows and drowns anything in its way,
A torrential destruction known as emotion,
Has left me paralysed with nothing to say.

I'm such a loser
Always stuck in the past.
Ugghh

We're all so captivated by the moment
Letting it slip by as eyes lit up by phones.
We've created sadness and happiness
In rectangles that connects those alone,
Except it's just a different kind of loneliness;
Hit escape, backspace, redefine the definition
Of what it meant to be alone.

We're all connected, we've forgotten
Whether to check or uncheck the connection,
We've lived as circles on a square nothing
More than bits of bytes for an avatar;
Where we witness *** before driving a car,
And we're caught in some lie the world built
That we are so enchanted by thoughts of
"The single ladies are in your area"
So we build blindfolds on what truth the lie beholds
We're all just bits and bytes of data.

So how much more of mankind are we
Where our eyes are glued to a screen
And chatrooms are as far as we've ever been.

We're all striving to be  in the latest social circles
That we redefined circle to mean a locked box.
So hit escape, backspace and in either way
we'll always find ourselves unchanged.

In a world of wires and threads
Of bits and bytes of data
How alone have we become?
Where information superhighways
Are all full of passing cars.
Tragic that traffic keeps moving
And we'd forever remain friends
But yet strangers all in the like.

You can compare them to hotties,
But stars are celestial bodies,
With the light that they beam,
Only with the heart can they be seen,
So as they learn to set the scene,
We gaze upon their brightness,
Because in total darkness,
They are the only thing,
Bright enough,
To light up love.

Trees swaying against the gentle wind,
The birds vocalize their melodic tune.
Across the tree sat an unloved boy,
Who tried to make sense of the world.
He would ask the birds questions,
As though they were his friends.
Play with a colony of ants
In pretense that they were his siblings.
One fateful day an unloved girl,
Placed herself next to him,
Mesmerised by his playfulness to nature,
She asks, "Do you know what love is?"

The boy pondered and pondered,
Coming up with a simplistic explanation,
"Love is like the tree, it holds everything together",
The unloved girl took the boys hand with hers,
And said,
"Love isn't something figured out,
It's not meant to be known but felt,
It can be confusing as black holes,
To as simple as a bird in a nest."

She took a deep breath with his hands still in hers,
"Love is what I want us two to figure out".

This was how an unloved boy,
And an unloved girl,
Became just a boy,
And just a girl,
For they found love in each other.

She fell for everything he pretended to be,
He fell because she made him want to be what he pretended to be.

Night fades away so slowly
Waiting for early light
Imprisoned behind cold sheets
As loneliness sets its sight.

I've waited for far too long
For things that could never be
I tried finding love while blind
And in turn became debris.

Saw night took friends away
Treasured memories became dust
As bonds become buried
Through tattered tales of trust.

Loneliness is an old companion
We share dinners together alone
And night after night as a result
Our bond and friendship grown.

Love is a complicated task now
I fall into the abyss of people's words
That 'unlovable loner' is my destiny
So I keep it to heart like a password.

I have loved two people in my life
That extends further than family
And although we aren't anything
I still wish them to be happy.

To find happiness on Earth
To see warmth in the cold of night
And to finally be able to vision
That in the dark, there's light

So I wait for your words like
an unopened book.
till you message me again,
and talk to me.
Till then, my heart remains silent.

A flicker of a candle flame
As I studied the photos
You held the same pose
The same single smile
That same spark ran wild,

But all of that was yesterday...

I looked at your photo,
Unable to recognise each one
Just a face that I thought I'd loved,
Each thread conjoined with
A personality I couldn't remember,
Each stitch attached to a smile,
All the same yet unfamiliar.
You became an embroidery,
The fabrics of faces that stands
As facades and coaxed of one
single emotion...

GUILT.

Dear Princessv
I hope your strength carries you
That your shoulders won't crumble.
It is a difficult time, I can barely imagine,
I give my sincerest condolences to you
And your family.
Until next time

- Star Gazer.

We'd smoke **** till we'd pronounce we'd as ****.
The smog clears up and what's left is what's right.

Why is it that when I try to sleep, thoughts of you infiltrate my mind.
I think it's just so that when I dream, you are what I hope to find.
Dreams fade in and out and the memory is not retained,
But every dream I have had of you has always remained.

Your beautiful smile and your effervescent personality,
Your everlasting kindness and geniality.


Corinthians 13:4-8 says that
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

And I believe you are the embodiment of true love babe.

I saw your mind,
I said *******,
Not on the darkness that lurked around,
But on the fact that you think you're a waste of space.
To me,
You will be the best,
The thought of perfection surrounds you,
So when you think I was afraid of the darkness inside,
And getting upset,
It was not because you shown me the darkness,
It was because you concocted,
A thought that you are underserving of life,
When I could not see anyone,
No one on the whole Earth,
More deserving of life,
Than you.

I stopped looking both ways when I cross roads
In the end.
Nothing really matters,
Why should I even bother.
Crossing roads to get to your destination
In the end, no matter how much patience
You have. Somehow you will still
Be walking to your destination alone.
There's no points looking both ways crossing the road
There's no point breathing.

Oh how many times I verged on insanity,
I wanted to send my hearts notice,
Everyday,
But I convinced myself that,
There won't be a reality where ,
You remotely still have feelings for me,
So my heart goes unheard,
And my voice slowly starts to shake,
For there is so much I wanted to tell you.

Candle wax, Bees wax,
I sat in my slacks,
Checking over my facts.
I am a guy, check,
I am a cool guy, check,
I am an incredible cool guy, check.
List after list of self motivation,
Maintaining my hearts palpitations,
After a while of checking lists after lists,
I found myself falling from the realm of facts,
Into a realm of fiction.
It almost became an addiction,
Into self delusion that I was better than I really am,
But who really cares.....

        I am me,
And I am cool,
I am an incredible cool guy.