My friends asked you,
"Do you like her?"
your face gave no clue
and you didn't answer.

my heart sank
as my friend relates this to me.
i sigh a little inside
but on the outside
i play it cool
and pretend it doesn't affect me.

I hurt,
but
really.
who could ever love someone like me?

Sometimes i catch you
watching me
as i attempt to subdue
my obnoxious laughter
and sometimes you catch
my eyes
fixated on you,
as you throw your head back in laughter;
and we stare into each other's eyes
a little too long
before i turn away shyly.
your eyes are still on me aren't they

When we sat on the sofa
on the last day of school
in the dimly lit Pool Hall,
you put your arm over my shoulder
and pulled me closer
what was in your mind?
we were sitting thigh to thigh,
you called my name,
I turned.
our faces
were so close
that i nudged
the glasses perched on your nose
with my cheek.
did your heart skip a beat like mine?

When we were eating alone
i think i said something stupid
and your grin was so wide that
your eyes curved into crescent moons,
and your grin so bright
wow
that i had to turn away.

Today, we sat beside each other
and you inched
a little closer.
you gingerly put your head
on my shoulder
just a second
and then sprang up,
as though too shy to lean on me for longer.

When we were walking
and our hands bumped against each other
many times
your thumb and index finger
held my little one
just a second
and my heart skipped
just a beat.

We are not lovers.
but we are not
just friends
and i'm not sure
if i want us
to be anything more
than just this.

I like
the sound of your laugh
and how it takes away
all the anguish of my soul
for a little while.

I like
the way you look into my eyes
even though you know
i get self conscious

I like
the way you try to make it up to me
when you push my limits
a little too far
even though i forgave you a while ago

I like
how you make me feel-
all jittery and shy
like a young girl
pretending she knows what love is

but

in the back of my mind
i can see his smile
and the way he runs his hand
through his hair.

in the back of my mind
i can see his excitement
as he shares stories with me
about his favourite things.

In the back of my mind
and late at night
i wonder how is it possible to love
two persons
with two very different personalities
at the same time.

The first time we talked
your eyes
were always on mine
but my eyes
darted from the floor
to the corner of the room
because
looking at you
was (is) like looking
at the sun.

the second time we talked
I stood waiting for the lift
You called out "hey" from behind
i almost fainted
we entered the lift
and i realised
for the first time
your smile
was like a thousand suns
and your voice has
a slight accent
i still can't place.

the third time we talked
I was braiding my hair
you walked past
and i squeaked in surprise.
****
you turned to me
dressed in a flannel shirt
looking perfect as usual
and smiled "hey"
i could only hide my embarrassment
with a small laugh.

the fourth time we talked*
you were alone in your classroom
i walked past
you opened the door, "hey"
my hands fly to my hair
self consciously trying to tame
the lion mane that seemed fine
a moment ago.
i give a small wave
and we talked longer
than we normally would.

you were so near to me
i almost hugged you
i'm sorry
i remember staring at the floor
and the ceiling
and the walls
avoiding your intense gaze
as if what i was talking about was the most interesting thing in the world*
you were patient
you were nice
you smiled at me.

you are constantly on my mind.
am i on yours?
I don't know what these feelings are.
i hope i'm not in love with you.
because i think
you're in love with
someone else..

you tell them:
"she broke up with me"
"she said she'd never leave
but she did"
"she never cared for me
and expected me
to care for her"
"she always lied"
"she broke my heart"

but

i sat in the dark
weeping
and you went out
playing

i was alone.
i called you.
you rejected
my call
and posted
a new photo
on instagram

you refused to meet me
and avoided me in school.

tell me who's heart is broken?
tell me who broke who's heart?

i never left.
you were the one
who walked away.

It lasted a moment
nothing but a few minutes
but
it was the happiest
i had been
in a long time.

our conversation seemed
meaningless
with no real purpose
calling each other childish names
and laughing at our typos.

you told me you had to go
and my heart sank
but i knew
maybe
we could continue
our little moment of happiness
another day.