I want the words
Etched into my skin
In hopes that maybe one day
I can feel that way again.
Feel how it felt
To not have a care in the world
To not know how it feels
To have no one to hold.
You gave me a purpose
To wake up each and everyday
You made me feel perfect
...I wanted to stay.
But then it would be a lie
What we really had together
Because it wasn't perfect
But at least we had each other...

Can't be broken

What a funny thought?
Last I checked I was made of glass
And you, your lack of words, your lack of actions
Broke me. Shattered me. Scattered me.

Maybe, just maybe, I may be able
To pick up the pieces of my broken heart
And fix it like you helped me do once.
Problem is I don't know where to start...
How can I be fixed
When my problem is I love too much?
Love too hard. Love too soon.
Can't be broken.
Maybe one day it will be true...

My life is stuck on repeat
It's the same **** everyday
Tears of blood
Wipe them away
Tears of blood
Wipe them away
One day it will be different  
My body will eventually give
And I...
Well I will perish

We stayed up late
and talked for hours
We spoke words we had never uttered before
let thoughts escape our lips before we could think twice

We talked about those who had hurt us
and those we were afraid might
and how we had hurt ourselves

When we spoke of escaping i said
"I always liked the idea of jumping"
But he had a better plan
"I would take a knife a cut open my heart"
When I asked why he said
"I like the symbolism"

You really aren't understanding me at all.
So let's pretend it was my leg that was broken instead of my head and my heart.
I've crafted a metaphor-
In hopes you'll understand me better.

I broke my leg and it's quite terrible.
But you still expect me to walk, even though I'm unable.
What is wrong with me?!
I should be able to walk, to run, to not be so helpless and needy.
Even toddlers can walk so why can't I?!
It's easy, you think I just need to try.
I am trying-
But you think I'm lying.
I'm walking on the leg that hurts so much,
To try to please you.
Doing permanent damage and still failing.
Every now and again completely falling to the ground flailing.
Oh not this again!
Get up!
Stop faking!
You're fine!
Walking is easy!!
It needs time to heal, it needs care and time.
I'm acting so overdramatic- it's really a crime.
I'm a disappointment.
I should be better than this.
I should be able to walk-
But my leg is broken and trying to walk on it is just making it worse.

Skinny people,
Please do not jump on the defensive
But if you have never experienced the following
This is your privilege.
You did not ask for it
Just as we did not ask for our scarlet letter
Our crown of thorns that is weight.
I am forty pounds overweight
According to my doctor.
According to society
I am ninety
Telling me that 110 pound models are the normal
Ridiculously
Teaching me to swim by water boarding me
And then wondering why it is not effective.
Laughing in my face when I become bulimic
Which cannot be blamed on our culture
But the way our culture is shaped to think
Fat people can't get eating disorders
Or if they do, more power to them.
Being told
"You are part of the obesity epidemic"
You are an epidemic
Aren't we so coy to use the word 'epidemic'
For anything we want to get rid of?
Being charged more to sit on an airplane
Because your extra baggage will offend the other passengers
Because your extra baggage is an economical discretion
Like the economy could get any more ridiculous as it is?
Eating a salad and being the brunt of their jokes
Eating a burger and receiving disapproving looks
From mothers and their children
Who are being conditioned systematically to criticize others
Simply based on their outward appearance.
Being a ****** fetish on **** websites
Like my body type is a piece of raw meat
Fit for the slaughter
But it needs to have the fat trimmed off first.
Having people ask your partner what it is like to make love to you
While you are standing in the room
As if you are invisible?
Funny how the additional weight
Acts as a cape
That seems to cover you when people do not want you to exist.
Being told if you ever love your body
That you are lazy, slobbish, and disgusting
Well guess what, *******?
I LOVE this body
And all the things it does for me
How it moves
How it operates
How it is able to function
And just as frequently as people try to take bits of life from me
I breathe them back in
And they invigorate my being
My pores tingle with acceptance
So I rip the sheet off
Every inch of my body is visible
Can you see who I am now?
I finally am someone
Loved, accepted and beautiful.
I am more than just heavy.