words like bullets.

i don't want them to hit me.
i don't want to bleed.

i don't want you to hurt me.
i don't want you to shoot.

i don't want
you to
wake up/
get out of bed/
get dressed/
look at me like that/
close your eyes/
turn around/
turn back/
speak/
turn around/
leave.

but your tongue's on
the trigger,
and my heart's beating fast.
and i'm closing my eyes,
counting seconds,
counting sheep
because you can't hurt me
when i'm asleep.

i won't feel a thing.

you're pulling the trigger
and my mouth is quieting the racing bullets,
but although they're muffled they still hit my ears,
the pain travelling to my heart.

i bite your tongue too hard
and you bleed into my mouth
and i try to forget that you said

"i'm sorry."

and i watch you,
everything in me
still.

everything in me
is
lifeless.

This is my war cry
This is my moment
My do or die.

When the heavens come crashing
down on me
when the mountains rear their heads in defiance of my existence.
When all that I know turns against me
seeking to wipe out all memory
of who I once was.

When the oceans rage
and the skies thunder
when the beasts howl
and the stars plummet violently to earth.
When the darkness consumes all hint of light
when the sun and the moon succumb to the night.
When my thoughts torment me
when my weakness is greater than it's ever been before.

When all hell breaks loose and its minions are unleashed upon me.
When the fear is crippling
when the hate hits its zenith
when hearts break
and all hope in me is lost.
When the rope that I held on to for so long snaps into shreds of dust
when the love I held in my heart gets ripped away.
When everything and everyone
falls into line to tear me apart.

I will not back down.

This is my defiance.
This is my battle cry
my shout of rebellion.

Come hell, come fire, come darkness, come storm

I will not back down.

This is my defiance
This is where I make my stand.
I will not lose ground,
I will make ground.
I will advance.
And I will conquer.
I will see the world
I will see great and wonderful things laid out before my very eyes.
I will see faces from the far corners of the earth
I will climb the highest mountains
I will bear the heaviest burdens.
I will swim the strongest currents
I will bear through harsh cold and fierce heat
I will never stop
I will never quit
I will overcome everything that is laid out before me
Nothing can stop me
Nothing can hinder me from achieving my goals, my dreams, my desires.

I am a loose cannon, no one can hold me down now
I am as free as the wind
as wild as the sea.
I am defiance
And defiantly I will rise above this tempest.
I will rise and I will overcome.

I am Defiance.
Try and stop me now.

How do I tell you
that every day used to be a battle?
One that I fought because I had to
so I could get up and fight the next day.
It was never about winning.

This is a Saturday night kind of pain.
The kind you feel that doesn't belong to you.
But at least you are no longer numb.

I want to show you where I'm from.
That childhood house that saw too many ways
to shatter plates on holidays
When I left, I grew back wings
and flew through the haze
You see, plates and whites are just things
but you can make anything a symbol
and when you see that this is no signal,
this is a sign. That I can be standing here with you
and still die
but this time, maybe I’ll let you inside
because
I've been too many people to start anew
I've loved the color blue
Loved a man with an amber hue
I was damaged in a yellow room
but I cannot match a color to you

My mother,
She said "the weakest point in a rope
is where it connects to another
and your insides are tangled"
You see, I can live with the knots
I want to look at you and know
You can trust this knot to hold
You know I'll pull through
You're not so scared
of a scar, or a few
Because I want to share where I've been with you
*and that includes the happiness too.