It fills with cloudy swirls, beautiful and dark
I search for a reason, and I always find one
It might not have been there, but I found it
sometimes I find many
reasons and causes
truths and lies
I find them all
In my midnight mind

A desert between us?
Only in your dreams.
Your longing?
Reciprocal, it seems.
Your heart ache?
Nothing compared to mine.
My promises?
Rare and always held.
Your smile?
Bright sunray
Throughout my day.
Your heart beats?
My earthquakes.
Your verses,
Daily narcotics.
My horizon?
Just to love you,
On and on.

You look into her eyes and you know. It's the only thing you've ever known. It's her. You talk to her, she talks to you. Each day you're more sure. It's her. She laughs at you and your jokes, you're happy that she's happy.

But what do you do when she cries? You hold her
What do you do when she doesn't let you? What do you do when you're the reason for her tears? What do you say when she asks you why? Why her? Why?
What do you do when she makes you angry? What do you do when she makes mistakes? What do you say when she says she's sorry? How would you feel if she tried to tell you it isn't her?

You fight. You fight yourself. You fight her, if you need to. You fight, because you've never been so sure of anything. You hold on. You let go sometimes. You change yourself to better fit her. You grow. You learn. You try to understand.

And when she lets go, you do too.
Because you loved.
And you grew.
To love again.

I could never cry on your shoulder
I told you I was strong
I could never tell you my insecurities
I told you I had none
I could never go home with you
I told you I needed space
I could never show you my world

i lied

I cried in the corners of my room
I doubted myself every second by your side
I ran away every chance I got
Ran away into my world
A world I could never show you

*you were never my home

It’s these times when you sneer at me and I grin right back at you… These times when you want to strangle me to death and you end up laughing like the happiest person in the world… It’s these times that I cherish. It’s these times I feel I was blessed to have met you. When you throw a stone at me and miss intentionally. When you’re chasing me and only catch me because I’m laughing too hard to run. I’m happy when you’re happy. I could never bear the thought of smiling if you’re in tears… But sometimes I’m sad when you’re happy, and devastated when you’re sad. Because it’s these times when I’m feeling blessed to have you… Then it hits me that I don’t have you.
No matter the good times we have, or how much you bring my happiness forth… I’m still the scone you have with your soup, or the salad on your plate of fries. But I don’t want to be selfish, so I don’t think about it. I focus on the joy you give me, and the change you bring out of me. When the time comes, we will part ways. But for now…
I’ll pull that smile onto your face and release as much joy as I can from your heart. Making you happy makes me happy, so until the end of the road….
Keep Smiling.