it's not hard to imagine you in front of me
your smile forever present; please
don't look at me like that
you're making me blush.

i always want to tell you
but the words get lost in my mind.
i can't help but stay silent.
it's not hard to imagine that
you feel this too.

is it silly to run away?
is it silly to jump?
i can't imagine standing still with you anymore..
i don't seem to know anymore..

so for now, lets smile
show me those stars i so desperately want to catch
drive me out. fill me in.

-fill me up

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"this world is so cruel"
and it echoes in my head
and my heart has burst on the floor
and my tears, drowning my thoughts, burning the bridges i loved to cross
taking everything i wanted to love.

i now know i am in control of everything
except what i love
exorcise these thoughts out of me,
i don't want them latched anymore;
set them free, let them go.

all i am is young and time makes it unable to relate
so my ideas disappear into the background and lay sprouting in a field no one has gone
and he will love another and another and
i am up in flames by the time i realize

-its all over

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it still stings a little. the more days that pass, my mind erases you more and more. sometimes i don't want it to, because i'm afraid that i will not find better- but fear is a lack of faith, and my flowers are growing. change is the only thing i have.

so i let it continue. i proceed to forget our smiles and sunny, happy laughter. you used to light up the room. you still are. somewhere new.

-somewhere new

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he pulls me up against his body; on fire
fangs biting and tugging at my ear
his hand sliding down my thong...

there is a feeling intertwined within the sheets
a blooming rose; a bleeding heart
soft familiarity.

he touches until i'm brought back to life.

-night 2

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my mind is on repeat my mind lingers on the though of you every second of the day. from the curve of your lips that arise when you silently hurt me to the day you crushed everything i loved, my mind is on repeat.

my mind is on repeat. a move-like trance appearing on every corner of my brain. the memories remind me with its colourful details and unhappy endings that we were once lively. we were the definition of wild, untamed laughter in the early sunrise hours until the night swallowed us whole. i tried to pull down the stars and the moon like they were carnival balloons just to impress you. i miss the way i impressed you.
when i'm alone in my bed i search the corners and pillows for a comforting word of two you may have led behind when you decided to leave.

my mind is on repeat. i think about the day my heartbeat with align back up with yours. between bottle after bottle that i drown myself in i look for a concept of you; the charming smile, the dependent tear, the shifted gaze. i look to remember and remember so i don't forget, but by the time i'll see you i will not smile at our memories anymore. instead, they will float away like happy little clouds, and for the first time i will get a solid nights sleep without dreaming that you somehow still care. somehow, i learn in these dreams that i still care.

my mind is on repeat. i hope someday i will be better. i am drenched in golden sunlight and happiness until i think of you. your presence is a clenched fist around my already gaping neck and you resist to aim for the ****. your words shot like daggers and my shaky hands were no math. your resonating irritation makes it hard to breathe in the stillness of the night and for a second i could feel my heart skip a beat.

my mind is on repeat. i don't beg for answers, i don't allow my mind to fade away on those thoughts. i look forward and take big, long strides- i hold dear what was taught to me. i feel a tear well up in my eye, as my foot takes that liberating first step.

-it will always be repeating

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There is nothing more hollow than the sound of fate.


We used to drink coolers in the sunlight and beam at the current state of the world;
Crystallized visions warped in everlasting time,
we dreamed.
We were unbothered, but unhinged without realization,
But we loved it anyways.
A remaining 24 hour cycle- a day by day opening first act
We stood amongst our choices and applauded.

-

All she wants is a late night whisper of confirmation.
All she wants is everyone to see her glamorous, shooting star
personality;
Make them think, under her belief,
that she was anything special.

Grappling for a sense of hope and help and laughter
A glimpse into this near-distant future
Screaming for a change in the past.
Its all left unheard and she aims for the sun-
She lands amongst the tides and sinks under.

She lays her head on her satin red pillows and cries a song no one will hear, no one cares to open their ears.



And in the morning you find her face down.

-

They call me the green dragon because I'm puffing smoke,
Filling the surrounding rooms and destroying everyone I know.
I don't know where I'm coming from and where my mind has seemed to go but
I hold dearly these emotions arising
And I can't stop this swelling in my chest;
What comes after this?

I am transported into this space of celestial fluid that consumes my thoughts
The dark matter, the voices you can't seem to find, nor grab
They disappear like a photograph over a slow burning candle,
Fading off like smoke into the air,
Nothing.

They were always something. And now they stay lingering,
Infused into this space and you are treading water
Your head almost under.

We slip into this sleepless coma, this eternal unfamiliarity of the future
Dark as night, mute noise, no one present
Your eyes slip back and remember, remind yourself of what you lost
Face the actions you've created, you've sought out
Drown.

I whisper through the tears and say I'm not the only one,
I'm not the only one,
And somewhere soon we'll meet again and drown the sun.

Some lost love, a forbidden thought,
I am apologetic but I must be leaving
And soon one day I hope to see

That things will remain what they seem.

-its a cycle of life

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