Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Monika May 2014
I'm sorry for being so quiet the first time we met. Truth is that in my head, I couldn't stop writing poems about your eyes.
[delete]
2. I still dream about your hands.
[delete]
3. I can't stop playing with matches now. I remember how much you loved fire.
[delete]
4. I can still taste you on my lips.
[delete]
5. How could you walk away so easily? You can't tell me it wasn't real. [delete]
6. I love you....do you understand?
[delete]
7. There's a guy in my English class with the same colored eyes as you.
[delete]
8. I've tried loving anyone with your accent. None of them say my name the way you do.
[delete]
9. I can't sleep anymore. I keep waiting for you to wish me goodnight.
[delete]
10. I miss you.
[delete]
11. The moon is full and beautiful tonight and I can't stop thinking of you.
[delete]
12. Will you come count the stars with me?
[delete]
13. Remember when you complimented my poems? I wonder if you knew that they were all about you.
[delete]
14. Are you thinking of me, too?
[delete]
15. You always said you were addicted to me. Tell me, are you going through withdrawals?
[delete]
Monika May 2014
my entire life is an endless cycle of apologies. i'm sorry for loving someone who i will never have a chance with. i'm sorry for being so ******* sad. i'm sorry for getting into these moods where everything anyone says makes me want to burst into tears and i'm sorry i'm such a ****** friend. i'm sorry that the reason i distance myself from people is because i genuinely believe they will be better off without me. i apologize for being such a burden. i'm sorry for all the sadness that everyone around me has to deal with because i can't seem to control it. i'm sorry for never knowing what i want and i'm sorry for hurting everyone that comes into my life. i'm sorry that at the end of the day, i feel even more worthless than i did when i woke up. i'm sorry that some days, i can't even seem to get out of bed. i'm sorry for not being able to put words together. i'm sorry that the reason i write so much is because i have so many things to say, they just never seem to leave my mouth. i'm sorry for letting him walk away. i'm sorry for giving up on myself. i'm sorry for never believing that i could be happy. i'm sorry for letting everyone down. i'm sorry for never listening to anyone. i'm sorry for always crying. i'm sorry for being so pathetic. i'm sorry for being the source of my own sadness.
  May 2014 Monika
Love
Eat
Is that the lowest moment?
When you don't dare to wear shorts because of the scars that cover your legs.
And then you're sitting there at the dinner table with your family,
And they keep on telling you to eat,
But all you mutter is "I'm not hungry",
When you actually are.
You're starving but your image is worth more than a meal.
You eat a few bites just to shut them up,
And then run to the bathroom to rid yourself of it,
To make sure you can fit into those jeans,
The ones that could stand you losing another 5 pounds.
You get used to the lies of:
"I'm not hungry"
"I ate before I came"
And "oh yeah I'm fine, just tired".
Is that your lowest point,
When the only food you're feeding yourself is lies?
I guess you could call it poetic how by the age of 12 I had no recollection of what happiness tasted like on my tongue. Some would say it was tragically beautiful.
But it was not poetic, nor was it beautiful,  but it was tragic. It was so very, very sad, and that sadness is only doubled now that people see sorrow as glorious.  It is not glorious. It is not strength. It is a lump of iron in your chest and stomach and it eats you from the inside, out and you have no right to think that blood stained wrists are anything other than tragic. So very,  very tragic.
Monika May 2014
I'm sorry for missing you.
I'm sorry for loving you
and I'm sorry for only ever
writing about your eyes.
I'm sorry for being
such a ****** person.
I'm sorry for giving up on writing
after you left
because I didn't really know
how to feel much of anything
except for the pain of the bruises
your fingertips left
on my hips.
Monika May 2014
IT TOOK ME SIXTEEN YEARS TO REALIZE THAT I DON'T NEED A BOY TO MAKE ME HAPPY FOR SO LONG I WAS CONVINCED THAT A PERFECT SOMEONE WOULD COME ALONG AND TELL ME I WAS STILL BEAUTIFUL DESPITE THE SCARS ON MY WRISTS BUT I NEVER TOOK THE TIME TO SEE THAT THE ONLY PERSON WHO NEEDS TO REMIND ME THAT IS ME I AM SO SICK OF BROKEN PROMISES FROM PRETTY BOYS WITH BLUE EYES AND BURNING LIPS THAT ARE ONLY EVER GOOD FOR KISSING SOME OTHER GIRL'S HIPS AND I'M TIRED OF CRYING BECAUSE MY BODY ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR THEM I'M SO ******* SICK OF HATING THE PERSON I SEE IN THE MIRROR TODAY IS THE DAY I LOVE MYSELF FLAWS AND ALL TODAY IS THE DAY I SAY ******* TO ANYONE WHO HAS EVER MADE ME FEEL LESS THAN ENOUGH BECAUSE I DON'T NEED A BOY WHEN I ALREADY HAVE MYSELF
Monika May 2014
I wish I could say
it's not you anymore but
truth is I still miss you like hell
and I can't stop the way your name
rolls off of my tongue so perfectly
and familiarly because
you are all that I know
you are the smell of home
when I am lost and all alone
and it will always be you
*it will always be you
Next page