Depressed, suicidal, numb,
repeat and smile
because you believed in polyamory.

About a week ago,
she said she loved me.
About a week ago,
she had him coming.
My girl with the black lace choker.
Bang Bang--
No holster.

I'm a pack rat--
the reason I keep you in my hand
gathering lint and sand.
Some familiar decay,
hoping I can let go one day.

When I wake up with you
I can't seem to down my food
'cause I know I'm living a lie.
I may be stupid,
only 'cause you make me feel alive.

When we were out,
you'd graze your nails on my back,
rubbing my thigh--
Sometimes a little too high.
I miss this too much,
which is why I'm too high.

It was really a
Lazer Tag survival love story.
Two kids in a 4 year summer--
She just shot me in the end.
Bang Bang
Never understood if it was intentional,
if her gun went out of her control,
if she was sorry afterwards.
I doubt she understood either.

Girl, you're in the city
and so the day is a little pretty.
My drug use today
is my thoughts of you
'cause I feel so good
reminiscing about the old views--
When we were blind for each other.
Two mutts in love for the summer.

Dreaming out my subconcious
because I miss the idea of us.

You were up high in my apartment tree,
swinging side to side in a wooden seat.
I called out your name
but you didn't hear me--
Kept smiling at what you couldn't see.

At another slumber sleep,
I drove my car to your Murrieta home.
Had a hundred friends in the back seat
which meant I wasn't alone.
I knew I had the means of a GPS
which meant I didn't have to guess.
Had my memory when I knew you best.
*******
I swear I knew my way there.
So why was I lost in some deja vu despair?
Could no longer find my way
to your home in the middle of the day.

At another slumber feat,
we walked hand in hand on the fashion island.
You pushed me away in a tone
replying to some big question with a No.
And as you walked away from me
in front of the crowd to see,
I ran around the island
weeping like a street drunkard.
Sirens appeared to me--
offering sympathy at my dismay
but I kept sulking in a haze.

I dream out my subconcious
because I miss the idea of us.
Bang Bang

After all the keys of *******,
conversations of heartbreak,
swigs of liquor mundane,
and kisses from Maryjane
I swear I can drive home.
Numb, thinking of Love--

Snapchat your toys when we hang.
Won't reply to my love when you see my name.
Everytime you come back to visit
by the Murrieta cold mist,
you hold my hand and kiss my lips
like you're sick of it.

You told me you still got it for me.
But Girl, why do you dance when I cry?
Been around the beds at the UC
so give me meaning to why I still try.

I'm begging Honeychild,
****** of my eyes.
Dangerous with your lies--
****** to the real stuff,
Couldn't understand my love.
I'm begging Honeychild,
Show my you still got it for me.

I'm out in South County
driving under Orion's belt.
Call you when my drunk heart is for sell again.
"Please, please drive home" you told me,
Suicidal tendencies control me.

No more drugs,
no more driving like the street has me sprung.
But of the bumps that clumped my vision,
and drugs that sunk my conscious,
you were the worse
saying Novacane was yours.
A sad song, why can't you see I'm the one
feeling numb
on the ice cold lawn,
while you're filming ****
with no red light on.

On the other side of the world--
Mountains of land, crowds of trees,
happy people and courtesy,
beautiful women and new memory.

When I pull on my sleeve
and remember that scars in your name,
I remember that things weren't fair--
How you hung me out to dry.
So therefore I claim it's not love
what I feel for thee,
but I kind of human gravity
that I have no control over.
My rusted magnet
across the blue planet.

I was closest to the stars on the plane,
feeling interstellar and so small.
And there you appeared again in my head.
No matter the places I've been
or the happiness that was touched upon me,
I still wished my best friend
and the love of my life
was there to embrace it all with me.

This world will swallow us--
Spit us out, make us feel small with all its beauty.
The way I see it,
I might as well go through it with you--
With my lost gem,
with my love doll,
making my soul bend
above it all.