Leave me.
Please leave me.
Because I could never leave you.
But I know
That as long as we are together
I will only ever keep hurting you.
I love you.
Jon, I love you so much.
I wake up, and I think of you
Before I even think about breathing.
I would die for you
Without hesitation.
I really do mean that.
But every day I wake up
And I resent myself more and more
For the many ways
That I have hurt you.
Hurting you
Was the very last thing
I ever intended to do.
I would die before
I ever intended to hurt you.
And yet I have done it.
And continue to do it.
I don't deserve you.
I can't even pretend to deserve you.
Please.
Please leave me
Before I ever hurt you again.
Oh my sweetest,
I have never loved anyone
The way I love you.

so there's no more laughing
at an evening fire
no more the crackle of flames
to echo our desire
for summer is on its way
yet all i feel is the cold
sat staring at the dying embers
of a love once known
your reasoning remains certain
and so easily evoked
those moments i recall now
mere epitaphs i wrote
what of that first kiss or
that walk upon your stairs
the warmth of our breath
as i slide through your hair
cast aside as mere memories,
lost shadows in this game
as the ashes burn out
through the endlessness of blame

summer does beckon as you
heed its call to take flight
redefining your season
escaping my darkness to light
alone to search deep inside
and what will I see
complicated and broken lives
but only one truly free
for no mirror will ever conceal
my self inflicted lies
decisions and failures welling up
in these guilty grey eyes
a sentence delivered through
the coldness of silence
yet I will appeal to take solace
in some other summer dress
to mask the responsibilities,
to seek shelter for this shame
it is I that must carry the burden,
bear the endlessness of blame

The curtain falls, and ushers in,
a blackness, mirrored deep within,
the stands are empty, the stage is dark,
my footsteps echo, as I embark.

And so I leave the stage behind,
the glorious world, where I once shined,
sans hope, sans light, sans life, sans air
I know where I'm going, and I'm not yet there.