Flick, the lighter sounded as the dark room became light.
She knew she would die that day, she couldn't even fight.
One by one the flames engulfed the air around.
She dropped to her knees before the smoke reached the ground.
He has come to **** her, the one with the dark eyes.
He told her that he loved her, but he only spoke in lies.
Her life was slowly ending, but she had just one more chance.
The open window in the back, she saw with just one glance.
She tried to run to save her.
But the blanket of flames forbade her.
This was it, her final breath.
There was no stopping this sudden death.
As the flames raced through her, there was nothing she could do.
She prayed she was a Phoenix, fire bringing something new.
The walls around her fell, there was but one thing to say.
"I'll always and forever love you, even when I pass away.

I cannot suppress the thought any longer.
That maybe, just maybe,
It is my own fault that
He has changed so.

Long gone is the boy
With the sweet blue eyes
With the sunflower yellow centers

Who would do anything
Anything
To spend a moment staring into mine.

Long gone is the boy
Who could transform from
Fits of anger, questioning
"Why do you let them treat you that way?"

To fits of tears
"The soap here smells like you and I miss you."
In an instant.

His carefully planned words resonating in my mind,
Then and now.

I do not know where this boy has gone.
Perhaps he was lost in the chaos of last July
When the sun had set
And our dismal future was left unsettled.

And he could not use his ever powerful words,
To convince me to stay.

Because all that remains of him
Is smoke and mirrors.
But mostly just smoke.
And a lot of lies.

And now he will do anything
Anything
To avoid my cold grey eyes.

We've both been left fighting for dominance,
Over who has it worse now.
Neither acknowledging the reality
That we have broken each other.

I know things hurt you and weigh down on your soul.
And people have left you and just let you fall.
I know I've been one of them a time or two.
But I swear on my life, I'll be better for you.
I would give you my own heart,
though it may be more torn.
I would find you a rose to hold
without any thorns.
I would read up on jokes and things to make you smile.
And lay on the couch and just listen for awhile.
I would listen to your problems, your dreams, your hopes.
I would listen to your secrets and not let anybody know.
I would give you my whole self,
with both of my hands.
And follow in your footsteps wherever you ran.
We would go on adventures to just forget the world.
Play in the grass, watch the clouds swirl and swirl.
And when the sun finally set,
like the fire in your eyes;
I would be there for you to just let you cry.
Cry about whatever;
but I would hold your hand close.
And tell you I love you and never let you go.
I would lie down beside you whenever you fell;
fight off the demons of your personal hell.
And in the morning I'd hug you as soon as you wake;
and whisper, "Keep smiling. Today's a new day."

The only thing that bothers me is that
               you don't trust me with these things.
                           Always second to find out but first
                           to offer comfort, advice, and love..
               You don't trust me with these things.
That's the only thing that bothers me.

Emptiness swarms me,
Taunts me in my sleep.
Reminding that I’m alone.
Listing off the reasons.
Telling me there’s something
About me that nobody wants.
I try to decide what it is...
Maybe it’s my sarcasm.
Or the fact that I’m too short.
I’m “cute” but never “beautiful.”
Or my standards are just too high,
But are they, really?
All I want is someone who I can talk to.
Really talk to.
Have a deep conversation about everything.
Someone to trust.
Is it too much to ask?
Emptiness.
It takes me over
When my mind tricks itself
Into thinking I’m happy just how I am.
Taunting me
Until I just can’t sleep anymore.

It comes at night
as you lie in bed
Awake.
Every muscle is paralyzed
with fear
with terror
you can't move.

The darkness creeps across the ceiling
coming closer
hovering above you.
All you feel is fear
it encompasses every inch of you
takes your breath away.

You want to kick every muscle
scream out loud
thrash and fight.
But you cant
you cant move.

Awake
but dreaming.
You struggle to wake yourself up
to kick your legs until you can sit up
and stop the blackness from creeping over you.
But you cant
you cant move
cant cry out
cant wake up
cant make it stop.

It comes at night.
Sweet Dreams

Fresh red scars lay upon the right side of my stomach.
They weren't too large.
Weren't too deep.
12 lines that  weren't perfectly horizontal.
They let me feel.
Feel the feeling of something else than nothing.

Sore.

I cring as I place my purple tank top on.
Covering the crime that I commit more than once.
During the day I don't even remember them.
Until I place a binder against them.
They scream in pain, I wince just slightly.
Then soon welcoming the pain, yet its comfortable.

Relief.

Even though its not the right way to handle things.
Can you blame me for still wanting to feel?
My life has been a struggle for my entire life.
At first, I thought there was no other way to handle the pain.
Thought I just had to deal and let myself suffer.
But then an idea clicked in my messed up mind.

Razor.

The first time it met my skin, I was nervous.
Scared to see the blood rush down my arm and drip .
It hurt at first, my teeth clenched.
But soon the numb came.
And that's when I knew.
I had made a

Friend.