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 Apr 2014 dainty wrists
tami
Love these days
Is when you look
At your partner
With your eyes

Whether they are
Beautiful or ugly
Thin or fat
Black or white

Love these days
Is not love
It is more like lust
Between the two

Love these days
Doesnt understand
The feeling of
A heartbreak

Love these days
Doesnt feel
The way my heart
Shattered

This is why
I dont believe in
Every single word
You're saying

Because you love
Like how the people
These days
In love
I lost my innocence when I was small
It was what had caused me to build up walls
The older one you are supposed to trust
Made me cry with his pubescent lust

Just five years old when it began to start
Eleven when he had a change of heart
The smell, the room, the feel of the bed
Are the very things that stay in my head

I could not tell for who would believe
That this boy would do this to his niece
Not all can understand my shame
Or even know where to place the blame

The small girl with blue eyes and blonde hair
Or the pre-teen boy with an arrogant air
At five you don’t understand that it’s bad
But you always know it makes you sad

I have since came to terms with what happened to me
An innocence lost that will no longer be
Nevermore will I hide this shame
I will forever refuse to hide his name

I have confronted my demon from my past
It is his disgrace that will now last
Other people don't know what it's like
To be scared all the time

To fear everything and everyone
To think all of their laughter is directed at you

They say "Get over it!"
And "Its not bad. Just calm down!"

*If only it were that easy
 Dec 2013 dainty wrists
lionness
lost innocence,
shattered porcelain,
i was slipping in to something
a little more raw,
a soul-broken baby doll.

i cried so many tears
runny paint,
dead eyes.
i pulled the laces,
cut the ties,
and i started running.

i started running and
i ran back in to you.
 Dec 2013 dainty wrists
berry
every achy bone inside me a relic
of the former self still inhabiting this shell.
exquisite fossils of the life once lived
my silhouette, housed in rock,
yet the softest part of me rotted out.
the vacancy in my expression
mirrors the hollowed out spaces
between each rib and every "what if"
my lungs carry haunted cries
apparitions you forged in my memory
phantom fingers singed the word
“remember” into my paper skin.
i am still smoldering.
chambers of my heart filled with cobwebs;
every strand of silk an unfulfilled wish.
we are still tangled up.
the spiders have crawled from our throats
but the dust is settling.
your fingers have intertwined
with the segments of my spine,
fists taking root in my chest, cradling a stone heart.
knuckles bent comfortably around each vertebrae,
your hands are cold.
the weight of all my sins is crushing me,
i suppose i should have noticed
when you read the lines in my palm like an obituary.
forgive me.

- m.f. & j.a
a collaborative poem written by myself and my friend johnny.
are we dying to be skinny,
or are we dying,
to be skinny.
I see people writing poem after poem on here,
and i wonder,
did you write them all by candlelight, and save them up for when you found your audience?
Or did you sit and get drunk and write them whilst smoking cigarettes, and crying,
all over the keyboard.
Or was it a carefully, logically, formatted feeling that you had to edit, to, get, it just, right?
Aaahaaa...
I wonder if you know what you are saying.
If you know that your infinitesimal pieces of work, are akin to a 16yr old's journal from circa 1984?
That if you could read it from this angle, or that angle, it could mean one or two things, and i am sure that you meant neither of them.
And i am thinking, that if i could i would throw away the internet and its black hole, that we all get ****** into,
I would give you one gold plated pen with black writing ink,
and a limited supply of scrolls of parchment made by sunlight and cotton;
because i wonder whether you would be so flippant with your words,
your feelings,
your punches,
your understanding,
your emotions,
your reflection,
your heart.
Because this makes us quicker, faster, harder, stronger.;
holding out for a white page to fill with words,
for lightening bolts of appreciation.
Is this not the cycle you wish to escape my love?
Was this not what you wanted?
Did you not want him to walk away?
Did you not want her to cheat?
Did you want them to fight, see you more clearly, understand you better, expect a little bit more respect, demand a little bit more attention, more patience, loving acceptance, a mutual respect?
What are you doing with these words, that you throw down like a gauntlet?!
Like you throw down venomous poison that you are trying to rid from your body, out from your curs-ed mouth, through your fingers, on to a keyboard, and out in to a a-nomy-nous world.
I wonder if you think of these things as you listen to love songs, driving in the rain, in the dark, suffocating on tears?
Do they fester in your head all day as you serve self-righteous morons who have no idea of your tortuous pain?
Do you lightly tread, whilst someone is sleeping in your bed, to the keyboard and type out how much you love them, and how much you are in love, alone, to the monitor, to nameless faces.
Do you have a soap box? Have you hammered on the desk in the rising light of your passion and dignity, and justice for all, in the name of love?
Have you wrote a letter lately?
When was the last time you held a pen for more than a few seconds?
When was the last time you cried into the ink, sprayed it with perfume, or S.I.W.A.L.K?
Or told someone you loved them with a million reasons why, with your own voice, into their eyes, to their face?

I just wonder, how much these words are worth, if we don't say them,
out loud.
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