How strange it is...

to have one man star in your dreams,
and wake up next to another...

to have already slept in those cold apathetic arms and left them outstretched,
yet they are the ones that reach out from the gossamer void...

to have been shown love and warmth and awake next to him gladly,
but still feel the chill of the night inside your mind...

how strange it is...

to have control of your life back,
yet not control of your dreams...

i'd never felt such
cold hands
grab hold of my heart before,
and i'd never known it could
shatter into so many pieces.
            and i'd also never seen a
            sweeter man come along and
cut his perfect hands to shreds
             by picking up the pieces
and putting my heart back together again,
             *just
             to
             watch
              it
              beat

i've been everything from a pessimist to
      a mess
a protector
       a liar
a learner
       a sinner
a provider
        a drinker
a lover
         an enabler
a care-taker
          a crier
a hard-worker
an optimist,
all molded into one to make me
                        **a human