you said i was the garden
in your dark mind

(you said you were sorry)

you said losing me was a fear
you can never overcome

(you said you were sorry)

you said you didn't want to hurt me

(you said you were sorry)

you said being with you will hurt me

(you said you were sorry)

you said i deserved someone better

(you said you were sorry)

i don't know where this poem is going
you are a part of my daily thoughts now
and we barely have the time to talk
again

so i am trying my hardest
to remind myself of the things you told me
so i won't get hurt from the fact
you seem to be distancing yourself
away from me

and i can assure you that it is going to be so cliche you're going to hate it

when our hands touched,
i could feel a tiny part of my soul dancing for the first time
that's impossible but i swear to god i felt it
when jokes were told, i didn't want to laugh
i didn't want to missed it; looking at you laugh
because for god's sake, you are one beautiful creature

to feel your presence around me while we walked together made me feel less lonely
and i liked your smell that kept lingering on my nose

and i am trying to find ways
to ****** these emotions
for god,
you have no clue what
it is capable of
when it makes me feel attracted to a person

is it weird to want to stay bad?
and not being saved from my own ocean of depression

is it bad to not look for God?
because you think you're a sinner and you're ashamed?

am i a terrible living creature?
who says otherwise, doesn't truly knows me
for i am a terrible living creature
that deserves nothing more than suffocation and anguish

for every time i try to atone,
for every time i try to convalesce,
it all comes back down to where i last found myself
deep under my own ocean of depression

nobody tried to save me
for they thought it was a phase

they did not believe that i was ill
for i looked dead okay
but were the signs not clear enough?

that you have to be the one
i think of on dark nights
i feel awfully lonely
but not once
when i am not solitary human

and i am hoping that i cross your mind
often enough for you to pick your phone up
and text me, *'hi, what's up?'

from time to time
i tell myself things happen for a reason
i may not know it now
i will know it eventually
but my body never learnt to absorb that theory
because my body has allow
the disaster i have created
eat me up alive
and i reach out for a hand
to lead me out of here
but no one can hear me

they said to let it go
keep wander as the clock ticks
i will know who i am when it’s time to
but it’s been a while now and i am completely lost in the dark
trapped in my own soul with the absence of light
i said i wanted to die every ******* day
but even lord knows i fear death
for i have made sins more than i could ever count
and it has only been the fifteenth year

i can not make my mind to think
of what else to write to express this darkness
but to think of the darkness itself

no hand to hold
no voice to love
i am nowhere to be found

i am lost in my mind
lost in the tangled strings
lost in every possible way
and i can't seem to find myself
i don't know who i am or where

i don't know what i am writing
or if this can even be clarified as a sad poem
i don't know why i am crying
i don't know
i don't

help me figure this out
i swear to god i am lost
i can't find my way out
it's too dark in here
black blank
help me

sad songs are playing
rain is falling
on a sunday morning
and i'm crying like hell
this isn't right
this isn't it

i was afraid of letting people know
the existence of the darkness inside me
and then an old man said,
"why should you? when it is what makes you a whole?"

my thoughts ink down
things about you
when my mind plays
the memory of you
and it fires my bones
every time

my eyes are bleeding and i can't find my way home
nothing feels right anymore
i'm not letting them in, i'm not letting them go

i'm following this path that i have no idea where it's leading me to
and what terrifies me is that i'm letting them
to decide what i want and who i am turning into

i didn't just fall in love with you
i fell in love with your mind
and how it makes flowers bloom
in the darkest part of me

i tried to run for my life from it
like it was a monster coming after my soul
i cried blood because i could feel his whisper
but it was only sorrow
it was sorrow
its not going to end my life
so why am i so terrified of its presence?

its only a matter of time
until i destroy the monster inside of me
so keep on treating me like this
and i'll be sure to leave a note
with my ******* blood on it
about how you were the one
who pulled the trigger on me
have it framed all around the world
and then i'll save the original copy for you
so you're going to have that ****** little note
eat you up alive for every breath you inhale