People from the pass try and pop up. Just messing with me to see me fall so they can kick me when I'm down. Then act like i fell on their foot on purpose to hurt them. Trying to flip the table on me. So the ones still trying to mess with me I got a surprise for you waiting at that table you thought you had control of... welcome to karma's party table where the joke is on you. Everything you did now coming back 10X harder. Sorry to see you go through what you put me through but lessons had to be made. Just stay humble and congratulate not petty and envious.

Dont take advantage of their presence, as it may fade into the darkness, when the only light was the unconditional love, that kept the demons at bay, quickly disappeared. Forced to battle without eyes, never seeing the next step, so scared to move, making a hole to hide, until finding light to escape, now it keeps getting deeper as the years past, now seeing in the dark was easy, as my shadow, the darkness inside of my soul, manage the demons, as they grew stronger, crawling into the hole determined, to eat me alive, my shadow had other plans, while the demons became slaves to my shadow, no longer weak nor afraid of being eaten alive, i am alive just died inside, leading the very things that once was a battle seeming to never end, accepting defeat so bittersweet, becoming one with my demons, my shadow now has control, my darkness grows, my true self forms, created to live just to die but learned i needed to die to live on….

Her time wasted
Her love wasnt cherished
Her mind confused
Her heart broken
But her soul kept living on

Hard days with what seems like longer hours
Rude people but nice enough you have a job
Inpatient managers on your case
Coworkers hate your race

Everything ***** but you smile
Brushed off the haters
Kept pushing forward
Knowing you have a girl at home waiting for you

‘Have a good day at work. I love you...’

Never made it to work
That one text you read
That one glare from your phone
Now it lays under a truck
The truck you drove straight into
Head on collision with no survivors

Easy day for you may say
For the girl at home
Well everyday is her hard day
Not just those work days
That you've complained

She is perfect! Her smile was amazing as it could brighten anyone's day. Her personality got any crowd attention. Those humerus faces, that crazy laugh, seriously she is so goofy and full of life! From the day I met you I already knew that you are perfection…

Wait now depression takes a hold and doesn't let go. That full of sunshine girl is lost in a cloud that doesn't seem to past fast enough. I try to help by giving you time to yourself. Now it's out of control and taking over you.

What am I to do? Nothing…
How could I stop this? I can't…

That girl I saw looking back at me…
Oh mirror of lies! Why have you done this? I couldn't see the girl I first met anymore. Who I see looking back at me looks so sad and in so much pain.

Where did this happy girl go?
How can I get her back?

By accepting that Imperfect girl looking back in the mirror. To love every flaw, big or small. Seeing that gap but still smile. Feeling the pain from depression yet still jokes, do silly faces and act abnormal.

This girl is perfect… perfectly imperfect.

Feels like im always here. Thinking about my future and trying to make peace with my past.

"Do you wonder who you are anymore? Well I can say that Im a sad, depressed, lonely girl that cant realize how many mistakes has changed her. Making the future scarce and holding back while time pass by. Now living for the unknown... that harder question remains. Who are you? I am ME or was i becoming you all along!?.. My fate set as i see more of my mom. Why every reflection im lost finding me and just seeing this woman i tried to hide from most of my life... So who am I? I am my mothers child, her image, her actions now mine. I AM HER."

Starting as a young adult, your playing this game called life, as the pieces are in place, the rules are set, simple steps, just blindsided with challenges and regret, so hard to follow, going by how you land, moving forward seems like a hollow bet, take one step forward then ten steps back, you felt like you didnt prepare for whats coming next, now your back at the beginning, chasing that dream of winning the end, a bittersweet feeling trying to get closer again, intended for lessons to be learned, but ending up so soulless, cold by touch, this game showed your true colors, making another side of you stronger within, life was created for no winners, just sinners, pinned to your passed decision, as we try to do anything to survive….

***** you snitched  
Now your in a ditch  
With fishes in your stitches
When you could've swimmed in riches
Hitching a hint
Your sleeping in itches

Boy get out my face
You fcking lame
Talking sht but eatting it
Being dumb but actin tuff
Knownin you a super ***


Go home you mamas boy
You cant even handle being alone
Get your **** together boy you
lookin real dumb
A job at 8.25 will never guide you wrong
But your playing a role you will never fill
Cause a drug dealing stealing **** aint the way to live


Keep that act up boy youll learn the way
Your image grows to show how
fake you are made
Dont look at me I might catch a case
Your dumb disease might get me chased


You steppin to a real one
You better play your cards right
If you actin shady you better
get your mind right
Cause **** with me ill be that b
Becoming your worst enemy
All your dreams will be of me
Ill destroy you mentally


So keep on laughin
Keep on Actin like your better then me
Your soul wont see me come in and take everything
I won this race cant chase
what you could have embraced


As your world burns
ill be at your burial
Being the last one youll see
The creator of this place you now call home....

What if i told you that our lives were a lie?
A image created to fool our eyes?
Racist bigots undermining enthinicty,
Materialistick money hungry criminals,
Follow the leader dummys to have more pride,
A taste of a life as we convice ourself that it wasnt a lie but a way to hide inside.

As we live with our way of life, our selfish acts, and unbalanced time,
Destroying us wont be a problem as we already started to destroy one another.

Crooked cops,
Innocent citizens,
Innocent cops,
Crooked citizens,
No one ever winning in the end of this fight as it goes on.

Now more blood falls, heavier tears shed,
Not yet we learned how to deal with that pain,
Not yet we have faced our greif head on,

We mask it to go blind to a unbearable feeling,
When we learn to keep feeding this demon we have told ourselves *'is not real'.

Satans playground now is all around us.
To make a army strong enough to end this war against God.
A never ending battle between good and evil.
No surrendering, no white flags, no mercy for our souls.
Working against each other making everything worst.
  
So give pitty to our world as its holding on for dear life.
As our lies of our lives lie the way to make this world die,

As the great shadow comes from the deepest part of your brain, memories fade, darkness prevails, not yet once known why, your mind a mess, just overlooked as drugs and alcohol is consumed, forgetting everything, loving nothing but hate is all you know, crazy thinking, insane behavior, now you've proved to them all, a black hearted, cold shoulder, selfish kind of person, so mean, full of mystery as they wonder, how a person so hollow inside, created a world so spontaneous, not one has dared to try, those negative thoughts, cloudy view, as depression is your core, no looking back, keep moving forward, leaving everything behind, your careless ways showed you the way, a better day from yesterday. your strong, your smart, alive but dead, taking that step to be normal again, keep them wondering, guessing, as they play their role by watching you take hold of your shadow, the darkness within, that hidden part of depression, your control now less grim.

You are beautiful inside and out, yet smart to making a change in life when needed and strong for living another day surrounded by negativity. You are a very special kind of person so keep your smile bright and your time vauled because youll never know when its time to go to your desitny..

#staystrong #godbless #imout

I have a crazy wondering soul. Cant stay too long in one area. Leaving me with ruff life choices and making hard changes. Im all about my view changing to better understand the mind of the world. The life I seek is a completely outline differently then what you see today. Inspired by how others are living and to be able to actually do those things or try and get there. The freedom in it all! So many thoughts about the who, what, where, when, why and hows of life, that looking for the answers become a thrill of knowledge. I cant stop exploring until the world has no more land to be seen by this wonder!!!

"Understanding with a Respectful Mindset"
              - CJSW

Make sure you live your life to the fullest! Eat that last piece of cake, swim with sharks, dress as you feel and let no one use words to bring you down! 'Cause at the end of the day youll never know if its your last night or not on this earth. Be fearless, be careless yet careful and always "think before you do it, and dont be stupid for what you did" - CJSW

growing worry
regretful actions
with your spiteful ways
hiding inside
yet giving you my all
gets me every time

my heart under your spell
my mind in your control
you play me as you r puppet
a mindless puppet
controlling everything
im obeying your rules
im living your lifestyle
you gave me life
now as a heartless girl

im trapped,
its getting darker,
the walls caving in,

breathing slowly,
hardly moving,
life being unfair,

my mind goes black,
I feel no pain,
time has stopped the rain,

heavy burden,
painful memories,
my life in your hands,

no more jokes,
no more laughs,
sad melodys by bands,

this is true reality,
with no way out,
my darken mind,
created by my own soul,
I had to die.