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Courtney Ja-Vaé Feb 2018
I know it hasn't been long since we first talked
Nor has it been long knowing you personally
Yet I get this feeling like I can be whole again
You filled this hole in my soul I thought no one could fill
Emotions, Vibes, and Trust
All these things you made it seem so easy to do
Well so easy to feel
As the pain of the past has now passed
Now ready to begin a new

Its hard to tell how long this will last
But I will keep faith for our fate has already has a date
2-12-2018
Courtney Ja-Vaé Apr 2017
People from the pass try and pop up. Just messing with me to see me fall so they can kick me when I'm down. Then act like i fell on their foot on purpose to hurt them. Trying to flip the table on me. So the ones still trying to mess with me I got a surprise for you waiting at that table you thought you had control of... welcome to karma's party table where the joke is on you. Everything you did now coming back 10X harder. Sorry to see you go through what you put me through but lessons had to be made. Just stay humble and congratulate not petty and envious.
Courtney Ja-Vaé Apr 2017
Dont take advantage of their presence, as it may fade into the darkness, when the only light was the unconditional love, that kept the demons at bay, quickly disappeared. Forced to battle without eyes, never seeing the next step, so scared to move, making a hole to hide, until finding light to escape, now it keeps getting deeper as the years past, now seeing in the dark was easy, as my shadow, the darkness inside of my soul, manage the demons, as they grew stronger, crawling into the hole determined, to eat me alive, my shadow had other plans, while the demons became slaves to my shadow, no longer weak nor afraid of being eaten alive, i am alive just died inside, leading the very things that once was a battle seeming to never end, accepting defeat so bittersweet, becoming one with my demons, my shadow now has control, my darkness grows, my true self forms, created to live just to die but learned i needed to die to live on….
Courtney Ja-Vaé Apr 2017
Her
Her time wasted
Her love wasnt cherished
Her mind confused
Her heart broken
But her soul kept living on
Courtney Ja-Vaé Apr 2017
Hard days with what seems like longer hours
Rude people but nice enough you have a job
Inpatient managers on your case
Coworkers hate your race

Everything ***** but you smile
Brushed off the haters
Kept pushing forward
Knowing you have a girl at home waiting for you

‘Have a good day at work. I love you...’

Never made it to work
That one text you read
That one glare from your phone
Now it lays under a truck
The truck you drove straight into
Head on collision with no survivors

Easy day for you may say
For the girl at home
Well everyday is her hard day
Not just those work days
That you've complained
Don't text and drive. Keep your life safe from reckless actions.
Courtney Ja-Vaé Apr 2017
She is perfect! Her smile was amazing as it could brighten anyone's day. Her personality got any crowd attention. Those humerus faces, that crazy laugh, seriously she is so goofy and full of life! From the day I met you I already knew that you are perfection…

Wait now depression takes a hold and doesn't let go. That full of sunshine girl is lost in a cloud that doesn't seem to past fast enough. I try to help by giving you time to yourself. Now it's out of control and taking over you.

What am I to do? Nothing…
How could I stop this? I can't…

That girl I saw looking back at me…
Oh mirror of lies! Why have you done this? I couldn't see the girl I first met anymore. Who I see looking back at me looks so sad and in so much pain.

Where did this happy girl go?
How can I get her back?

By accepting that Imperfect girl looking back in the mirror. To love every flaw, big or small. Seeing that gap but still smile. Feeling the pain from depression yet still jokes, do silly faces and act abnormal.

This girl is perfect… perfectly imperfect.
I
Courtney Ja-Vaé Nov 2016
Feels like im always here. Thinking about my future and trying to make peace with my past.
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