Dreamed about you
last night, I hid in the
sunflowers against an
old white house and
you came to find me

Are you like        And though
The last one?     Your lips were
I wonder & worry     Very clumsy
If you'll be right,      And fumbled like
Right for me,        I actually made you
At least.          Nervous. You! Nervous!
You were cute,     Ha! What a silly
When you asked     Thought, But, I could
If I needed a      Feel the heat, I didn't
Goodnight kiss.     Mind your fumble
Then I asked      I knew it was sincere, the
If you thought     Thought behind it,
I did.           I touch my lips now,
And you replied     Thinking of it.
I think you do.     And, boy, I haven't
Which was oh,   Touched my lips
So very clever, you       From a kiss
Clever boy.      In a very long time.

I sat down in the shower
It was only a moment, but it felt like an hour
The rain poured down my back
My body was consumed by a panic attack
The water mixed in with the tears that I wept
Overwhelming me from all of the secrets I kept
My sobs a cacophony with the pitter patter of drops
Little black ink stains from my eyes turned to spots
Splattering onto my ankles and my pale clenching hands
I slowly drained away, no longer solid, just sand
A fragile little thing in that shower, I was
Stripped away and torn up, never really
                      
                l
               ­           o
                                    v
          ­                                     e
                                                          *d

I must have missed the memo
Lost the note or dropped a call
I don't remember when you said it
I don't remember it at all

You said it was important
I knew that this was true
I just could not quite remember
The bride to be was you

I knew I had to be there
I vaguely knew we booked a room
But, if I didn't know the first part
Then I sure wasn't the groom

I must have missed the memo
Lost the note or dropped a call
I don't remember when you said it
I don't remember it at all

I knew we'd seen the doctor
Can't remember just what for
I didn't know you'd had the baby
Until you both came through the door

I was sure I would remember
The second time the baby came
I even went to down to the doctor
but, could not quite get your name

I must have missed the memo
Lost the note or dropped a call
I don't remember when you said it
I don't remember it at all

Two kids, and I had missed them
Que Sera, what will be will be
But, I sure do not remember
When you popped out number three

As time went by so quickly
I missed birthdays and some games
But, I always knew the children
Had completely different names

I must have missed the memo
Lost the note or dropped a call
I don't remember when you said it
I don't remember it at all

They've grown, the house is empty
There is only you and me
I remember when it bustled
With two kids...oh, sorry ...three

I came home the house was empty
Just the tv and a chair
I knew something must be missing
I didn't know what wasn't there

I know you'll tell me things tomorrow
Things I should have done today
But, I just can't help but wonder
why is all our stuff away?

Your sniffly nose.
Your hoarse voice.
Your sore throat.

You push me away.
You don't want me to stay.
Not tonight.
You're not feeling right.

But, I want to be there for you.
I want to care for you.
I want to make you, your favorite,
chicken noodle soup.

it starts out
so innocently

a nagging thought in the back of your mind
a stray Post-It Note in the files of your memory

it flutters
caught in the breeze
of a wandering mind

another flutters
and then it rips free

you grab them
not knowing
their poison

fatuglystupidfatclingyhatefulfatselfishfatdirtytoxicfatf­atfat

you ****** them away
but they've already stuck
their glue coating your dendrites

you ignore them
the best you can

but their bright colours
and sharp words
flutter so very loudly
grabbing you the way
black-and-white normalcy cannot

months later
you sit at your desk
writing and smiling
and eating and giggling

when suddenly

you hear their flutter
and see that they have woven
into a gorgeous ribbon
of self-hate and pain

it wraps around your throat
freezing the words at the tip of your tongue

coaxing the food from your stomach
the breath from your lungs

and soon
the blood from your veins

you curl into a ball
and cover your ears
but there is no escaping

the ribbons are now ropes
tied tightly around your veins
around your throat
a noose
awaiting your next careless step

finally
you step off the edge of a loving home
or
trace your veins with a razor
or
find solace in a bullet

*suicidalworthlesscrazysuicidalsuicidalsuicidal

I can't sleep...
As the clock goes tick tock,
My brain can't seem to turn off,
The sun is down,
But I'm up,
Wondering…
Thinking, pondering, dreaming,
All that crazy fun stuff about finals and what not,
And I think of you,
What will become of us,
Yeah I know thats far into the distance,
If we even last that long…
But honey I can't stop worrying,
Thats what I'm best at,
And the acid travels back into my chest,
Heart burn,
And I'm wide awake, in pain, hoping that tomorrow will get better,
I just wanna stop thinking,
Just go to sleep and let the dreams in,