Her face wears anger, daring you
to look into her eyes and offer “hello”
the only things left to lift her to standing
are guilt and tears held in place daily
by repeated phone calls to her children

Neighbors are uncertain what to say
everything changed when her husband died
tinnitus of lonely continually ring
guilty for feeling angry that he left her
she always drinks alone now

I brought her some dinner on cafeteria china
unbreaded fish that she wanted for lent
She thinks people are laughing at her.
her eyes are brown and mostly terrified
crying out for someone to see her

Standing there, in her soft, white sweater
head drenched in tears and apologies
anger exchanged for compassion
I hugged her tightly for a good long time
so she would know that I meant it

I shattered today.

Shards of love
And splashes of blood
Scattered to the tips of
My fingers
And
Toes.

We were in Starbucks
And I drank coffee
And you didn't
And seven months of
Surprise kisses
And
24/7 text messages
Ended abruptly
Like a cliff.

The funny thing is,
I broke up with you.
It was still me
Who spent the last hour
Listening to our song
And bleeding emotion
Riding on tears
Into the sock monkey
That I named after you
Because I loved the middle name
Ryan.

You were over it,
And I was not.
You showed up
With the bite of coffee
Crawling up your nose
Expecting to
Break
Up
With
Me.

I'm not exactly happy that we think alike anymore.

I have a boyfriend
I shout to myself,
Pinching my upper thigh
And blinking away from
The sight of them.

She giggles and I notice
Her laugh is lopsided
And she's too short
To be that loud.
Her shoulders are too far forward
And even I notice the
Gross stain on her
Upper left canine
Between her braces
That are bright, neon green.

She's my best friend.

I don't mean to think of her in that way,
I love her like a sister.
But it pops into the front of my brain
When I see them together.

I don't even like him
In that way
Anymore.
I have a boyfriend,*
And all he was
Was a whispered fifth grade crush.
That's what I tell myself.

He looks at her like
She's a million bucks.

Her crooked teeth
Earn her six cents,
In my opinion.

I take it back within a second,
But the thought was still there.

Jealousy makes me into a monster.

you are so beautiful

such grace
in your words, power spills forth
with magnitude

you are so beautiful

may your light shine
beyond
all boundaries

YOU are so beautiful





st - 5 mar

in seven and a half days
you will pick me up (from the airport
and i will pick you up (from the slump you've been in
and we will hold each other there
in the air

in seven and a half days
my mind will finally be at rest
i no longer have to snap back into focus
after dozing into daydreams of
your sweet skin

in seven and a half days
my heart will burst from the feelings you elicit
inside of me, you keep me afloat
the world tries to pull me under
you save me

in seven and a half days
our worlds will collide
after remaining seemingly separate for months
I will know the people you know
we will share

in seven and a half days
i will not worry about grades
or missing the bus or getting fat or being alone
you will extract the ****
replace with beauty

in seven and a half days
your arms will become my safe haven
your body envelops mine, covers me
i have never felt so safe
in my life

in seven and a half days
our bodies will melt into each other
waking up next to you
kiss your forehead, toes intertwine
yours mine ours

in seven and a half days
I will love you
-in person.

.
you tell yourself they love you
                         but they tie you to a pyre
                                               and they set you
                                                             ­        *ablaze