I can tell you don't really know what it's like to be all alone. You think you do, but you really don't. You've never experienced that hollowness inside, that inability to have someone there to just talk to. You've never experienced the gut wrenching ache when you see people laughing, kissing or even just walking together. You've never awake lain in bed at night wondering what's so wrong with you that nobody even pretends to like you. You've never fallen asleep with tears staining your cheeks as once again you cried and cried until you couldn't breathe all because you know tomorrow won't be any better than today. You've never had to sit at a table for one with everyone else at tables for at least two. You've never felt that loneliness that rides around on your shoulders and in your heart, plaguing you, haunting you, breaking you down until you are nothing but a shell of what you once were. Trust me when I say you don't really know what it's like to be alone, because if you did, then you wouldn't be trying to sympathise with me or pretending you know how I feel. You would do what all lonely people do when they meet another lonely person, you would just sit and listen to the unspoken words and try to fill just a little bit of that emptiness that resides inside.

I've come to that place
Where we used to hide
From all our worries
And all our fears
I see you everywhere
In the trees, in the air
I feel your eyes on me
Even though your not here

It seems that this town
Likes to remind me
Of all the things we did
And all the things we said
For I can't turn a corner
Without seeing your face
Or feeling a tug in my heart
For all that we've lost

I was once so excited
Just to come home
But now I dread it
For it makes me feel alone
Especially as I see you
Everywhere I go
It kills me inside
And makes the tears flow

Tonight
I can't seem to stop the tears
From slicing down my skin
And the pain wont leave me
Tonight
I don't have to pretend
That everything is a-okay
And happy sunshiny days
Tonight
I am allowing myself to break
Into a million different pieces
Scattered across my floor
Tonight
I will let my raw soul loose
With all it's demons and ghosts
To wreck havoc upon the walls
But only for tonight
*just for tonight

It's okay
I'm used to it
Being a disappointment
I've become numb
To the pain
That comes with it
It's okay
I'm used to it
Being a useless mess
I've become cold
To the ache
That accompanies it
It's okay
I'm used to it
Even though I shouldn't
I no longer feel
The hurt
That comes each day
*it's okay
i'm used to it

I stood outside
In the pouring rain
I let it soak in
To dilute the pain
Each drop washes
The hurt away
Holding all of those
Unshed tears at bay
I stood outside
The wind it winds
Around my ankles
To corners of my mind
Each whisp clearing
The clutter away
For me to look at
Some other windy day

I can see
The stares
The looks
I can hear
The whispers
The thoughts

The pity
The sympathy
Is written
All over
Your faces
The relief
The gratitude
That it's
Not you
Is right there

You think
I can't see
When you
Turn away
You think
I can't hear
When you
Cover lips

I'm already
Hurting
Don't you
Think it
Would be
Better
If you
Just didn't
Treat me
Any different

But why
Does it
Matter
I'm already
Alone and
Cold and
Crying
Nothing you
Can do
Would make
This any
Worse

This melancholy
Sits on my shoulders
It's weighing me down
I'm drowning in the blue
Of salty, unshed tears

This gloom
Sits on my chest
It's holding me down
I'm suffocating in the black
Of this oxygenless state

That girl
With the sad, tired eyes
Sitting alone in the corner
She's over her life of emptiness
And she just wants to leave

That boy
With the gloomy, grey cloud
Following him wherever he goes
He's finished with his life of darkness
And he just wants to disappear

Those people
With the falling apart lives
Breaking slowly piece by piece
They are done with feeling like this
And they just want to get out of this dark, hopeless world

You do not know
How my heart aches
For all the grievances
I have caused you
You do not know
How my soul breaks
For all the sorrows
I have given you
You do not know
How my mind throbs
For all of the pain
I have bestowed on you

He no longer h a n g s
On her every word
And for that she is thankful
He no longer p i n e s
For her presence
And for that she marvels
He no longer w a i t s
With bated breath
And for that she is pleased
He no longer l o v e s
Her wounded soul
And for that she is grateful

Those eyes
            They shone like silver
                               In the pale moonlight
                                                              And still
She walked away

Her heart
           Though hopeless and weak
                             In the cold midnight
                                                             Hurt dreadfully
As she turned away

His gaze
          Burned her back
                            In the damp twilight
                                                            But still
She could not stay

His heart
          Broke into pieces
                          In the bitter dawns light
                                                           Never once more
To be whole again

Don't flatter yourself sweetheart
It wasn't all for you, but me
I know it might be hard to get
But the world doesn't spin for you
And not everyone will fall for you
Contrary to belief I matter too
Everything's been about you for so long
I forgot how to love myself
How to live, how to breathe, how to be
So stop pretending I did it for you
I did it for me, all of it was for me

I've begun to hate
The sound of happiness
It breaks my heart
Cuts my skin
When I hear a laugh
Or see love
So I drown the noise
To avoid the pain
Of seeing and hearing
Everyone else's happiness
When I clearly
Have none

Break me apart
And visit my soul
Reside in the place
I dream to call home
Make yourself warm
Make me feel loved
Give me a guide
From up above
Stop the dark
From flooding in
Bring in the light
And release it within

I should've known
She would capture you
As you seem to
Fall in and out of love
So easily
Whereas
I'm still holding on
Still falling for
Still in love with you

Suddenly
It's not me
You're talking about
It's her
With her
Silky hair and
Soft lips and
Beautiful eyes

I was once
All you needed
Now
I am nothing more
Than a shadow
Of your past
She is your future

She stole you
From me

Run* your fingers through my soul
Take a chance to see and feel
Exactly what I'm going through
Taste the darkness, feel the *pain
Grasp my cold, cold, empty heart
Fight the monsters deep inside
Take a moment to breathe in
The miseries of my past
The sorrows of my present
And the death of my future
Take some time to stand under
The rain cloud that follows me
Feel the chill soak into your skin
And rattle amongst your bones
Take a while to really understand
Why I am *the way I am

Sometimes I forget
Just how lonely I am
Then I see a couple
Holding hands
Or best friends
Laughing hysterically
And I'm jolted back
To dark reality
And I remember
I am completely alone

So,
I've got a few little words
I've saved just for you
You better listen close
**I'm not a toy
I'm not some play thing
I'm not someone you can mess around
I'm a person
I do have feelings
And I'm sick of all your crap
So forget me
Cause it's over
And I'm never coming back

did you ever really love me?
or was it all just a game to you?

I need something
To stop me from feeling
So I pick up the bottle
Throw back the pills
Sharpen my razor
And prepare to drown...

You want to know why I'm always alone? Because I choose to be this way, it's easier like this. I've lived a life of ******* stuff up and hurting people, so it's easier to be alone because then I can only hurt myself. It also makes it easier to push my feelings aside and pretend I don't care. When other people get involved I tend to get to emotional and then I ruin everything. Soon people stop hanging around me and then they stop trusting me. So it's a choice. It's my choice. I choose not to get involved so people remain unhurt and protected from me.

She may have been quiet, but she wasn't blind. Just because you didn't notice her, doesn't mean she didn't notice you. She saw a lot more than you thought. Like the time you tripped that boy, or pushed that girl over. She saw every little mistake, every defining moment. She was the type of girl to watch, listen and notice. She saw the pain you gave to others, but she also saw the pain you were in. She saw through the masks, the ruses, the indifference. She could see to your heart and soul, and saw what you had been through. She gave you a second chance. She let you heal and become a better person. She believed in you. And what did you do? You brushed her off, pretended like she didn't matter. All because of your friends. You didn't want to look like you cared, even though deep down you really did. *You fell for her. The girl who was invisible to everyone else. But you hid it. You hid all your feelings so you would still be cool. The girl who saved you. She could see all your pain, but did you try to see hers? She was breaking, fracturing, splintering as she was trying to piece you back together. She was falling apart and you left. You gave up on her even after all she did for you. Now, she's gone and you are never going to get the chance to make it right...

why can i no longer sleep?
With the tear tracks on my cheeks
My vision is getting hazier
With all these passing weeks
Where are all those dreams
That used to haunt my nights
My long hours in the dark
Have been replaced with lights
My bed is extremely rumpled
From all the lack of sleep
My mind is one giant migraine
From all the late nights I keep
why can i no longer sleep?

Her words sound detached
     distant, far away
     as though he is listening
     without the telephone
Her voice seems lost
     lonely, afraid
     as though she is isolated
     from the world
Her soul seems faded
     worn, ripped
     as though she's fought hard
     but never won
Her eyes looks dim
     weary, tired
     as though what she's seen
     broke her apart

i'm sitting in the dark
afraid of what i feel
how much more can i take
i've no time to heal
the longer i'm alone
the longer i will burn
in the sorrows of my soul
do i ever learn?
i need to stop thinking
feeling or breathing
i need to build those walls
before i start falling
but maybe it's too late
the damage is already done
i've broken into pieces
the demons have won

He's been staring at the page
For hours now
Unsure of what to write
Or how to write it
The words are a mess
Jumbled inside his head
None of them making sense
The tears keep falling
The pain keeps building
But he don't know how to express
Everything he's feeling

She's been staring into the dark
For hours now
Unsure of how to breathe
Her head is a mess
A jumble of feelings and thoughts
All the pain, the hurt
All the anger and regret
She's wary of treading this path
But still ready to dive in headfirst
Straight to the bottom
To forget what she's feeling

The pills are cold in his hands
The wind is coarse in her ears
He swallows, she jumps
And suddenly the pain is gone
The darkness swallows them up
Their bodies go still
No more breath, no more life
To pass through their lips
They are gone
They are *gone, gone, gone...

i'm so, so, so sorry
it's not your fault
it never was
please believe me
i'm so, so, so sorry

I didn't want to hurt you
But still I did
And for that I am sorry
I wish you had never met me
Maybe you would be better
Healthier, more alive
But we met
And I poisoned you
With the darkness inside
I ****** away your light
And now your dying
The toxins race through you
Drinking your life force
Consuming your very soul
I didn't mean to
It just happened
I'm sorry
*i'm so, so sorry