Why do people have to constantly make me feel bad about myself?
Exercise more
Dress more like a girl
Get a job
Wear make-up
Stop being so sensitive
The list goes on
Instead of making these comments
And forcing my self-esteem further and further
Down into a dark abyss
Where it will be harder to retrieve each time
Can’t you just be happy with who I am?

It scares me that you know
Exactly what I like
You see right though my i'm okay
And all the happy words I write
It scares me that you can
List things that make me laugh
Or the things that make me cry
And always break my heart
It scares me that you know
More about me than I do
And even more than I know
Everything about you
It scares me how much you care
When no one else does
When I am all by myself
With nobody else to love
It scares me how much I need you
To do the things you do
To stay always by my side
And to just be you

When did I get so good at hiding the truth?
Has my mask finally done all that it should?
How did I get so good at lying?
And why does it hurt so much more than I thought it would?

I wish you were my valentine
Or knew that I wanted you to be
I wish I wasn't so alone
Or that you would finally see me
I wish I could hold you close
Or whisper in your ear
I wish that I could tell you
How much I really care
I wish you were my valentine
Or even just my friend
I wish you knew who I was
Or loved me until the end

Being happy is a rare thing these days
And when I am it's like the sun has stop hiding
My smile is a relief from all the pain
And the world seems to be shining
I am grateful to those few people
Who can brighten up my miserable days
Lift up my spirit and state of mind
And turn the grey skies to blue
You have no idea how much you mean
In every single way possible
I just want to thank you and say that
*I am so, so grateful

I keep being told
I need to be more positive
Can't you see that I am trying
I am honestly trying
But it's so hard
When all you can see
Is the dark in everything
Or those demons
That haunt your memories
It's so difficult
When your only enemy
Is yourself
And all of your doubts
Crowd your mind
It's really tough
When nobody can see
How much effort
You put into being happy
And always smiling
It's so hard
When they can't see
How much your trying
To be positive
*Honestly, I am trying