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Sometimes I wonder if I’m your addiction.
When you call me drunk and giggling
or when you’re still
coming up on your high,
maybe just reaching the peak.
Do you call me because I, too, get you tipsy?
Lifted?
Does the thought of me scurry
across your mind when you hit bliss?
Do you need a drag of
me to achieve your ultimate high?
                  •❋•              
You’re my 4 in the morning.
My “up all night.” The
reason I stay awake counting
the stars and my
heartbeats. You’re the
spots that I see,
the shadows that I see,
when it’s running on day two and
I still haven’t had
a wink of sleep.
You’re every insomniac’s dream.
I wrote this when I was 17 for the boy who would come back to me every summer.
 Jun 2015 Colleen Lyons
niamh
A life without love
Is like a night sky without the stars.
It's still there,
Just not quite as beautiful
There was always an odour of sin around
The nave of that ancient church,
I knew of it as a choirboy,
I didn’t have far to search,
The smell welled up in the vestry,
A sulphur and brimstone tang,
It leached on into our cassocks
When the bell for the matins rang.

The priest, he was old and doddering
And didn’t look ripe for sin,
Old Father Coates may have sowed his oats
With nobody looking in,
But sin was there for a century,
It wasn’t of recent time,
The stories told of a Father Golde
I heard from a friend of mine.

Back in the days when the church was strong
And it ruled the lives of all,
A Father Golde was the priest of old
And preached of the devil’s fall,
When women came to confess their sins
And spoke of their evil deeds,
The priest took them at the altar there
In sin, and down on their knees.

The Nuns attached to the convent were
Obedient to his whim,
And many a cold and frosty night
He would call a sister in,
Her place, he said, was to warm his bed
To deter his chills, and ague,
And many a child was born in dread
To the parish, since the plague.

But one day after confessional
He had ***** a Colonel’s wife,
Who came to him with her petty sin
And described what it was like,
The priest, inflamed by her words and deeds
Had her pressed by the vestry door,
And who could know what she had to show
But the flagstones on the floor.

A troop of soldiers had marched on in
To assuage the Colonel’s rage,
The moment the wife had gone back home
And told of the priest’s outrage,
They seized the priest and they ran him through
With a sword right to the hilt,
Then tied him onto the cross outside
Where a sign outlined his guilt.

And every year on the first of June
You can hear the feet outside,
Marching up to the old church door,
The day that the father died.
A sense of sin that is coming in
As the church doors swing apart,
And blood appears on the altar in
The shape of an evil heart.

David Lewis Paget
It has been a rough ride. Life turns so quickly, I still feel sea legs and motion sickness.
There's a saying, "A year ago I never would have imagined I'd be where I am today."
I think that's true.
I also think humans are ****** life planners.

I hope my presence wasn't too overbearing. Often, people made me feel like my physical presence, audible words, and oxygen consumption were inherently pretentious of me.
I never thought people thought much of me.
Those of you who voiced your love, it made all the difference.

Perfection was never within my reach.
My failures are too numerous to count; some too humiliating to admit.
But I tried.
Please understand my imperfection, and if forgiveness is requisite, I hope you can.
Forgiveness is a noble strength; be stronger than I was.

I know that God is real, and loves us.
I guess I need Him to tell me personally. Right now love feels like ash, and humanity is the flame.
This isn't the end of me. I want to belong somewhere.

Don't ask, "Why did he go?"
Rather, "Why didn't he feel like he could stay?"


G
This was a challenging prompt. Someone asked me, "If you were to write a suicide note right now, what would it say?" This is a response to a prompt; this is not real.

Anyone with suicidal thoughts, there is help. Our emotions are real and powerful; writing mine helped me understand that. You are stronger.
http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Suicide/Pages/Getting-help.aspx
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