I am terrified of going back to how that pain wouldn't leave me two years ago because I have enough burdens left over to carry, and I don't deal with agony very well.

I am terrified of going back to how that numbness wouldn't leave me last year because it's worse even than anguish to be unable to feel, unconvinced you are still alive.

I am terrified of going back to how that happiness wouldn't leave me just over two years ago because as soon as you get up high, the further you have to fall.

Better judge your inherent strength
Than justify your apparent weakness

Finding a man I love who only thinks I'm pretty with makeup on so the first time he sees me in the morning makeupless, having my tea he will realize I'm horribly ugly and leave me.

I will have a child one day that I can't support and have to put up for adoption to keep them alive.

I will die by drowning.

Everyone will find out my secrets.

One day I will send that one "Wrong text to the WRONG person." (anyone else ever do that?) and it will actually matter.

In the centre floats the sun
bringing life and order to the planets
She is that girl
the popular girl that the world revolves around
She brings light and beauty
demanding attention
she is the comparison
to gold and all things perfect
she is inspiration to all the poetry
yet no ones seems to notice
her poison and deceit
her radiation leaking
destroying the world
as she burns consuming
everything in her path

Then there are the planets
those perfect orderly orbs
the unnamed crowd
following their pretty girl
as she orders them about
they follow her hierarchy
numbered better or worse
hoping not to be
at the bottom of the list
the nerds or misfits like pluto
are forgotten and unloved
as she demands attention
from everyone above

Id much rather be a moon
a shining mystery
a tiny forgot speck.
Floating about on my own path
never quite the same,
forgetting about popularity
and its unrelenting chain.
Seen as an evil
associated with black and monsters
yet i’d shine a light down
through the darkness.
You can see its painful craters
the scares of past time
and yet i’d keep on lighting
and moving alone just fine

Id much rather be a moon
free to be myself
I don’t need to be
the spotlight
I’m content with second place.
forgotten by the many
yet remembered by the few.
I don’t need to be the golden girl
Im fine to be silver
for silver moons are much better
than demanding golden sun

If I should have a daughter,

Then this is my vow to her:

Any boy who leaves your soul in pieces

Will be found with his body in multiple pieces

When I am finished with him. :)

All questions can be answered
All answers can be questioned

You are synonym
I am antonym
Together make
Life's thesaurus

Your beauty 
is the password
to log in my heart

I am currently in one of those moods where everyone who is happy and in love, or has any kind of adorable love-life I really would like to light on fire.

Dear beautiful couples, please get your sickeningly cute relationship out of my sight before I *****! Can't you see I'm busy being bitter and lonely and spiteful?!
Sincerely,
The girl in the corner with the chocolate and the ice cream crying bitterly and insanely yelling crazy (slightly terrifying) things at random happy couples passing by.

I am so jealous of some girls it is actually pathetic and I know that jealousy makes me a pretty bad and petty person, but I think it would actually make me a worse person if I weren't honest and denied being jealous of them. I think that jealousy is just a different kind of pain that you are not allowed to feel because society stifles it, and that is not fair. Anyone else agree with this? Idk, maybe I'm the only one. I just think that as long as you are not "getting revenge" or "acting on your jealousy" or whatever it is perfectly normal to feel jealous and it should not be seen as agony, not a negative feeling that makes you a bad person if you feel it.

There is this guy and even though I don't really like him anymore, he and I are still chatting a little and I see his ****** exgirlfriend every fcking day and I hate her. Anyway, I just feel like I can never be like her and I feel this sense of competition between us everytime I see her because the guy I was talking about dropped me for her when he thought he had a chance to get back together with her and I hate being the "Plan B" and I hate him and I hate her and I hate feeling this much hatred and I hate myself for not being as badass as her, as pretty as her, as cool as her, having an original taste in music that is more similar to his as her, I hate myself for caring this much, I hate myself for being so much less interesting than her, and I just really feel worthless and like I am nothing compared to her. Also she is popular. I apologize if this offends anyone but since I had bad experiences with the popular crowd a while back (a lot of stuff I guess some people might call bullying but I don't want to sound like I'm victimizing myself), I just loathe the entire "culture" and society of "popular" people everywhere. I recognize that is an extremely biased, discriminatory, offensive, narrow-minded and pathetic, generalizing point of view, I just have really scarring experiences with them and I don't even care anymore. Anyway, she is extremely well liked by everyone and she is dismissive of poetry and the art of writing which offends me and she is just really... physically beautiful. Do you have any idea what I would give to be pretty like that? I can't compete. I may as well give up. Sorry for the rant this was a lot longer than I actually realized while writing it, I just needed to get this out I'm sorry.

It is kind of getting worse and I am starting to wonder if maybe I should get tested for dysmorphia. Just to ease my mind about the matter... but I'm scared to find out. If it is a no, then I'm glad I don't have a mental disorder but that means I really am a hideous beast and I really need to get some kind of operation or something to fix my ugly face, then if it is a yes, I have a mental disorder and I really don't want to deal with a disease of the mind because it hurts a lot to hate yourself this much.

I have too much work to do and too little time I'm panicking there is no way I am going to be done.

I have no social life.

I want chocolate.

I need to stop trying to resolve things with chocolate.

I'm in one of those moods where I am sad. I don't know why, I just am. How is that even possible?

I am not good at dealing with loneliness.

There must be a way to feel like you are enough for yourself. I haven't found it yet.

Being kissed under the mistletoe?
Such a cliché
...but God I really wish it would happen somehow
I don't even care anymore if that makes me pathetic.

You are the lubricant
to the wheel of my life

He was on toes in his twenties
She was in tunes in her teens
He was alone, she was along
He was curious, she was cordial
She was catering to his senses:
With her ply, play and ploy
Her electrifying looks
Greeted his soul to seek
Tricked and kicked his heart
Her smiles rolled on his lips
Her face fashioned fair n’ familiar
Beauty was her boon, his moon
An intangible asset to cassette
It was one to one homely affair
Win-win scene in solitude
Her free style was explicit -
Board of her body language
Her chromatic costumes,
And cosmetic feel of touch
Enshrined in the tablet of his memory
She sang, danced n’ pounced in passion
Coupled up his thoughts  
For a couple of hours
Her smart artistic calibre,
Teeming teenage tickle,
Shook up and hooked up
His conduct and character
He could see her face to face
In her filmy on-screen display
Of moving movie telecast
He was her fan in disguise
She was his fiancée in guise
And an articulate artist
Lo! Love is the mother of life