O Sweet Edna, how can I forget thee!
So beautifully named after the daughter of Count Telfener,
Promoter of the Macaroni railroad,
Home of the monumental Edna Theater (SEE NOTE # BELOW).
I recall a chilly Christmas spent there:
Unfortunately Edna was closed for the day
But I met a nice girl in the one bar that was open
And for only twenty five bucks she went all the way.
By purest chance her name was Edna too,
And she gave me a real Christmas treat;
I could so easily have fallen for her bigtime
Had it not been for the smell of her size twelve feet.
O how your architectural marvels will live in my memory
Dear principal "city" of Jackson County, O Edna divine!
Home to six thousand Texan souls
Of whom only one in five lives below the poverty line.
NOTE:-
(#) Actually a cinema and disused anyway. Paste this link for a photo: http://media1.picsearch.com/is?hWN6taRELewhHHMx-FMVpQOXSK4aNdmtABXGB-ZxEyA&height;=257 (if it doesn't work, don't blame me).
This is written as a tribute to the so-called "city" of Edna, into which I stumbled one chilly Christmas Eve. The City of Edna is rightly proud of two of its illustrious sons and daughters: "Stone Cold" Steve Austin (professional wrestler) and Juanita Slusher (alias Candy Barr), the famous American burlesque dancer, adult magazine model and stripper.
Mr Austin perfected his trademark finishing maneuvre, the Stone Cold Stunner, to win the "King of the Ring" tournament in 1996. After defeating Jake "The Snake" Roberts, a born-again Christian, Stone Cold said "You sit there and you thump your Bible, and you say your prayers, and it didn't get you anywhere! Talk about your Psalms, talk about John 3:16... Austin 3:16 says I just whipped your ***!".
During the 1950s Candy received nationwide attention for her stripping career in Dallas, Los Angeles, and Las Vegas and for her troubles with the law (including shooting her second husband; and for serving three years in jail for drug possession). In the early 1980s, Candy was presciently acknowledged in the magazine Texas Monthly as a "perfect Texan".
I was lucky only to meet Fat Edna.
As a hint of the high standards you may expect when you visit Edna, here's a review of a "hotel" from TripAdvisor.com...
"When the door was unlocked to our room, I was appalled by the infestation of insects. The were on every surface, including the ceiling, walls, floors, bathroom and tub. The furnishings were vintage 1960s, broken and filthy. There were cobwebs and food cooked unto the microwave. The owner tried to accomodate us by showing us other rooms. All were equally infested and had the same horrid furnishings."
Choice, totally choice..