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 Aug 2019
muteD
I secluded me.
Bolted the lock
and then tossed the key.
and then I looked at myself and asked
‘Why am I so lonely?’
I keep asking why.
but
wasn’t it my own doing?
why did I cut ties?
why did I disappear from peoples lives..?
and the truth is:
I was preparing to die.
but now
I am alive..
Alive and alone
living a life I’d rather disown.
who would want this life filled w dread?
I wish was dead.
So I wouldn’t have to suffer
from things in my head
and the things in my chest.
I confess
that maybe
I am a mess
and maybe
someone should throw me away.

‘Who can you count on?’
My shadow.
It never leaves me
without a doubt
It follows me.
When I die,
It dies with me.
it’s just me and my shadow,
unfortunately.
 Aug 2019
muteD
It seems as though everything
is falling apart
and to pieces.
life is giving me reason after reason
after reason
why this should be my last season
here.
alive.

every day is a constant battle
of life and death
my mind trembles after each blow.
years have passed and the consequences
have turned my heart cold
but only to myself.
for some reason I cannot care what happens to me.
but honestly,
I feel like dying would set my soul free
because all it knows is torment.

but I mustn’t crack,
I cannot break.
Not for any other reason
than the fact
that if I falter
no one will understand.

No one will ever understand.
Pain isn’t just existence
when you day dream about death
and the ways one could inflict it on oneself.
The way I think
is sick.
horrid and morbid.
and yet I’m trying to change.
constantly looking for that light.
the one that I can never seem to grasp.
almost like it’s a figure of my imagination,
a mirage in the mind.

what awaits a darkened soul,
like mine?
will this life get better with time
or am I forced to suffer
until I’m nothing more than
slashed wrists
and a stomach full of pills
laying in my coffin bed?

I mean,
if I’m lucky to get one.
 Aug 2019
muteD
Sadness
and regret is
overwhelming me.
luck,
left me down bad.
happiness,
deserted me as a child.
and depression?
it never left me.

but my mother did.

and I wonder why.

could it have been me?
maybe it has always been me.
stuck in a cycle of negativity,
I bring the clouds
and the thunderstorm follows.
When it rains,
it truly pours
and when I cry
my body begs for more.

I am addicted to the pain
that lives in my chest.
The one that has padded
And patted around.
Kneaded and kneaded,
this pain has made itself at home
and has become deaf to my pleading.
So as silence consumes me,
I wonder..
How long will life toy with me?
and when will death take its turn?

will the people around me ever learn?
 Aug 2019
muteD
one more line added
to my collection.
one more line added
to the sketchbook
I call my body.
 Jul 2019
james nordlund
Our king-kong sized terrible two has realized
an even more devious way to line the Trump
organized crime family's pockets, he's having
NASA do a trip to Mars in preparation for a
manned landing by some white guy who'll also
be tasked to play golf on the moons too.  
RumputiN will throw in a little histoire to
make the photos more appealing to his multi-
millionaire foreign dictator pals: "They're
named after the Greek mythological twin
characters Phobos (panic/fear) and Deimos
(terror/dread) (The Donald's domestic and
foreign policy, respectively), who went with
their father Ares into battle. Ares, god of
war, was known to the Romans as Mars.  This
will up the price he can charge them for
renting out the Lincoln bedroom, cafknching,
being the united **** of assassins new motto.

His current fav tool of stealing tax dollas is
still doing genocide, classwar style against
Latinos.  He ripped apart 7000 families to
gift overtime, doubletime, more hires, multi-
million dolla private detention center
contracts to republican manned anti-immigrant
Gov't agencies + his lifelong criminal cronies.  
These kids are caged, allowed little soap,
showers, running water, food, etc..  Similar
conditions to 40's US internment camps.  This
should be one of the articles of impeachment
against him.  Dinos, like Nancy 'Chamberlain'
Pelosi, can be scolded if impeachment doesn't
go only forward, for if it's not completed
in the House before the 2020 elections,
RumputiN/vlad-the-impaler may be re-installed
into the Blackhouse by the same conspiracy
that did it in 2016.  Viva la evolucion.
 Jun 2019
JaxSpade
I used to write poetry"
The old man said

A few words of passion
He would lay down with his pen

He told me a few knew his name
When his name was said

But it all withered away
When he retired it

Now he just reads them all
He reads them all his head

After he takes his medicines

He said he used write about everything
And wondered where everything went

After he stopped writing poetry
He felt his life came to an end
 Jun 2019
muteD
my alone
feels so
lonely.

like i am a leaf
and I’m just floating.
unable to grasp onto anything.
unable to hold on.
without an anchor,
I just continue to rise
like bread does if you leave it out
for some time.
but what’s different this time
is my mind.
I keep on rising
and a little part of me keeps on dying.

and all I keep thinking is


it’s lonely up here.
Someone asked me to write a poem about loneliness.. with no guidelines,  I tried to write something that she could relate to. But, I realize that the loneliness I’m feeling is different from what I’ve ever felt..  so writing about it, was actually kind of difficult
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