Under loved
Underfed
Under paid
Under wanted

But hey life's good

I am skilled in the art of the bitter self-slur.
Coward, selfish, ugly, weak,
For now, these are my truths.
I blend them, drink them in,
They make me thin.
I am myself. These are my choices,
I direct rage inwards, flee non-sanctuary,
Take refuge in the trees, and there, a black-eyed dog
bares his teeth and threatens, but I let him,
I pet him. His tongue is rough, and grazes me,
I laugh, and laugh, and laugh.

Sand dunes edge an indigo horizon
Their creamy shades highlighted
By silver moon
Briny water laps gently at ticklish toes
I breathe you in, great mother
Your looted depths, the womb
We all sprang from
My gaze seeks light across the miles
Hopeful that distant shores are also straining
To find my prism shining in the dark
Chilled arms raise up to hug a body
Too long gone without the warmth of touch
I shiver, grinding sand beneath my feet
Perhaps if I stand long enough, dig deep enough
Stone will form, encasing me whole
The only remnants of life
A single tear
Shed in mourning for a lost embrace

Summer breeze coasting through the trees
Wind chimes remind me
I've had better times
But here I am again
******,
Because I can't sleep peacefully
Mary Jane hides the worst in me

As I shut my eyes,
I only see
Darkness,
Liquid black
Like the color of my soul
I was doing so well you see

Clean
Sober
Running
Yoga

But I had a crack in my shield
And the nightmares came back
Brutally vengeful
I only had my screams to keep me company

3 hours, and one very hot shower later
And I'm back,
Contemplating life on the patio
Flicking a lighter
Breathing deep
Letting the smoke seep
Back into my system

*****
High
Still
Weak

It's a vicious cycle
Recovering from memories

My nightmare waits for me back home
2 hours and 12 minutes away
I can't put it off any longer
Just thinking about him makes me anxious
And terribly sad
Because people who tell you they love you
Shouldn't hurt you
They shouldn't force and rip their way inside of you
Until everything burns
Make no mistake
Tears don't blur the violence
Soap never disinfects the shame of silence

I think I should be over it by now
Honestly, **** happens
People get ***** every day
Anyone who tells you different is a liar
Or perhaps just blind
Either way,
I don't need prayers
I don't need sympathy
I probably need a **** lobotomy
Or maybe just a clean slate

So I continue to breathe
One breath at a time
While my eyes gradually drift close

I am alive
But parts of me are dead
I
    Am
            Not
                    Broken
But even Wonder Woman needs a day off

© 2014 Peach

That night in
your car with
the windows steamed
up maybe because
for the first time
in months I
had felt warm
and as the light
slowly melted away
I did not notice
it was the start of
something beautiful
but beauty fades
glory fades
and now you're
fading and I'm left
wondering if it was
ever beautiful
at all

I often wonder
as the night
closes in and
so do the walls
around my mind
I wonder when
it happened in
human evolution
that we would
become inescapably
immobilised by
the hands of a
clock

Everything
I’ve ever known
has gone away
& I’ve spent a lifetime
waking up with a broken heart.
I wish she was here,
the one who took me to a place
nobody else ever could.
I wish I could wake up next to her
again,
so she could feel the pain
of my emptiness
without her.