On the surface:
Porcelain skin,
lightly freckled face.
Long auburn hair.
Brown and green flecked eyes.
5'9, thick thighs, tight waist.
This is the girl you fell in love with.
The girl in front of you.
Just what you can see and feel and hold.
You did not fall in love with what is underlying.
Numb to most, angry with others.
Careful.. Never one to rush things.
A fan of perspectives.
An interest in different characteristics.
Curious about every little thing.
Inquisitive, kind.
A raging internalization of anger and frustration
and sadness.
Foundation ready to give out but she wont let it.
She patches up each new crack.
Lost her mind long ago
but never faltering her grip on reality.
It's tattooed on her.
She can't escape the harsh truths.
One being, people only see the surfaces.
Never digging even the slightest.
She's seen many lives lost before it was their time.
She's given up long ago.
Taught herself;
No one can be saved if they wont help themselves first.
Removed herself from
they who claw at the ankles
of people to be dragged down alongside them.
She holds her head up high when she feels herself sinking.
All alone, right beside you.
Always there when she's needed.
Never to have anyone hold her hand
or tell her she's strong.
She doesn't need to be told.
She knows that to survive what she has,
she must be anything but weak.
She will laugh in the face of the antagonist,
smile and ask how their day was, truly curious.
But you only see the surface.
She's just a pretty face.

The mind
Is full of might
The law of human to be right,
But in the end we're lost in night.
And this mind that we all have,
It gives us thoughts in many forms
Images, sounds, scents and sensations,
All ideas and conceptions.
One might think the mind is all.
Find yourselves and tell your thing,
Grab your things and make a string,
Tie it up and let it sing.
You, your mind, your soul, your all,
Have an inside place to hide,
A corner where you stand and cry,
Or you laugh
Just let it be.
But there inside is your one thing
The thing that really tells you what  you are.
And that thing has just one wish,
Only one true little wish.
Just let yourselves know what it is.

This day reeks of blood and death.
The sky is black and dressed in  clouds.
The gloomy air just burns your lungs.
The red light is killing your eyes.
A sound of drums start sounding around.
You start falling.
Struggeling to ignore it you are.
Meaningless!
With claws your eyes are by force opened
And you see it,
The mighty parade of hell began.
The young lord greets the new offsprings,
Tortured souls...

O Lord Jesus,  you are the beginning and end.
You have map out each of our lives completely.
For you know our every move before we do them.
You whom walk on water while you lived on the earth.
You O Lord whom spoke everything into existence
You whom was born , so that you could give your life.
On the cross that you could take our sins upon you.
Then raise up again back to life, so that we can be rescued.
From a life that is destine for eternal damnation away from you.

Love is just this word that is thrown around without meaning.
It can be said and then taken back within seconds.
Like feelings don't even matter,
Like my heart doesn't even matter.

Don't say you love me,
Thats all just a lie.
Its a phrase that we act out until this "love" is dead.

But truth is, our love was never alive.

As the party went on through the night I couldn't help but to look at him.. He was smiling, laughing with her.. Then when she ran to the little girls room there was a new smile, new dress. Why do I care? We agreed. "Just friends.No attachments." But there I was..Looking.. There he was..Looking. There were guys I would talk to, I wouldn't push them away.. But at the end of the day it was his lips I'd be kissing, his body on top of mine. How can I do this? How I let go?