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 Nov 2014
Chalsey Wilder
Do you know what it feels like?
To imagine killing people, and then feel slightly guilty after thinking so
Do you know what it feels like?
To hurt yourself feeling you deserve it, and afterwards you regret it
Do you know what it feels like?
To be a lesser being, to not even matter that the world doesn't hear you screaming
Do you know what it feels like?
To want to rip your own heart out, to stop the feeling, to stop the pain, to rid the burden, and the heavy rain
Do you know what it feels like?
**To be on the outside of every single thing
I know what it feels like. ;-;
 Nov 2014
eileen demiris
I wait alone with baited breath for the return of my one true love.
I wait in the darkness hoping he will come to me and bathe me In his warm glow.
I wait for him to caress me with his words , telling me I am his world.
I wait in anticipation for his touch that scorches my skin in his wake.
I wait in darkness. Alone.
I wait.......
 Nov 2014
AFJ
Suffering from keeping feelings bottled up inside.
Suffering from pride.
Suffering from drinking bottles and using them as guides.
Suffering from lies.

Suffering from failure, I've used one too many tries..
Suffering from cries.

A nomad in disguise..

Walking along the common folk hoping the tears dry.
On the edge of a steep cliff ..just hoping my fears fly..

hoping they spread wings, and glide over the plains..
pass thru all the Midwest and land somewhere in Maine..
Like....
Why doesn't my destiny manifest?.
I'm done living as an observer and analyst..

I often wondered why the dreams of mine seemed far..
Finally learning memories are more important than dreams are..

& thats word to the wise,
Though the wise will dispute my claim..
But you see, dreams come and go some never are seen again...

Yet memories, are stored, in the storage room of your mind,
Where you can see, your feelings played out though the brain is blind,
where you can nurture, and torture your own self at will,
where you know exactly where your skeletons are hidden and still....

Would you rather lose memories or dreams?
Perhaps i suffer from this dilemma, or so it seems...



Why not keep both? Asked Alexis one day...

A month later, the Fates music decided to play..
...
without warning, her life& dreams taken away..
now all i got is memories,
memories to suffer and pray.


-afj
 Nov 2014
AFJ
Same old poem, same old theme.
A love lost, heart broken, with dreams..
I said I love you. she said. define it.
she thought id fear her question, but really..I didn't mind it....

eloquence, heaven sent, from Aphrodite herself.
the allure of the angels, where afterhours are felt.

late night dreaming of the Goddess in you,
And my tongue isn't speaking from a partisan view.

the honor of honesty, your naked soul is what caught me.
scared to death of steep hills and this one was rocky.

but your blessings brought me courage, & your beauty is hope.
we live less than a park away, but your still thinking Knope.
ya we talk.. recreationally....
with all that love you posses, just a ration to me?
I know that rings cost money, but patience is free,
so let me tell you why I love you, then she turned to face me..

and I couldn't speak.
Inside, I could weep..
but how do I tell her she's the reason that for years I don't sleep..
a dreamer, turned dreamless...
the worst of diseases,
because others take your body..
but without your soul you need Jesus.

I told her every time I blink, I think.
and when I think,
I pray your blinking too.

weird way to describe it..
ya but I **** at speeches...
so she made me write it.

I wrote I love you, on a paper,
p.s once unfolded this statement will always be true.

with a rose in the middle, and a personal riddle,

a picture of the first time we met, and a drawing of a heart..
she said ...that's the best you got?

I said no, that's my worst, but if you don't love me as I'm cursed,
then you don't deserve the saying.
if you understand what I'm saying?

she said no....
Well, i **** at speeches.
I'm not good at writing too,
nor am I good at defining the word love from out the blue.

but I can tell you, I'll never cheat,
never flirt or take a peek,
ill delete,
every girl from my phone in just a week,
never one for deceit,
always pull back your seat,
on lonely days without contact I promise to go deep,
to understand your soul and the secrets you keep,
the blessings and curses and the reasons you weep,
hold you closer to the universe, caressing your cheek.
and if that's not enough ill even cook you some meat.

more importantly though,
I will forever grow,
and our hearts can mend together and resemble a glow.

she said.. but you can do all those things to any girl you meet..
I said but ill only do it for you...
she said why...?
I said, *** I love you...
she said Define it.




-afj
 Nov 2014
AllAtOnce
blood drips off of a melting clock
feathers fluttering on the ground
one shot: two birds
falling apart and stumbling around
blurred eyes make living hard
i can't see what's in front of me
you and i together for(n)ever
fire set to names carves in trees
rosy cheeks and bloodshot eyes
snow falling through the gloomy air
frozen tears from angels fall
and we won't why we're even there
i see you breaking and i hear your cries
in my haunting dreams at night
i wake up but i'm too scared of seeing nothing
to even turn on the light
 Nov 2014
AllAtOnce
Round and round we go
Swinging back and forth, to and fro
So yeah, I couldn't make up my mind
But you've done this how many times?
I'm a people pleaser, I know
So it makes doing what I want harder so...
I'm just so sick of going round and round each time
So I suppose we should make up our minds
On whatever we are or want to be
And not constantly blaming you or blaming me
I'm calling a draw for an ultimatum
But I realize it's my fault and it's done
Maybe I'm more mad at myself than I am at you
Because I can never just see anything through
Friends, sure, I can do that
But let's stick with it, maybe
Instead of playing mouse and cat
I'm not trying to catch you
So let's try something different here
And just stay one thing for at least a year
 Nov 2014
Ember Evanescent
You know what?

I genuinely believe that I am unlovable.

Not even in the self-pitying way, I just have thought about it and I really think that no one could ever truly love me.

I have too many flaws that get in the way.

If I am imperfect then I can't be perfect enough for them

If I am perfect then I am not the quirky beautifully rare girl they want

I am too violent and weird

I am too hateful and grudging

And the worst part is

I don't even WANT to stop being violent and weird or hateful or grudging

I wish someone would love me for it

because I love those who are deadly loyal, absurd, not afraid of a little violence (not abusive, just to be clear. I do not support that) those who hate things because the more passionately they hate, the more passionately they love as well. And someone who holds a grudge actually cares about things. I would love a boy who was all those things but no guy wants a girl who can't let go of things and spends all her time muttering to herself about how worthless and ugly she is because that has become my hobby I don't even realize I am doing it sometimes.

I just don't think anyone could ever really truly fall in love with me.

That makes me kind of sad I guess... :(
I don't know, just a late-night-I-am-so-lonely-why-am-I-so-unlovable-mood.
 Nov 2014
SG Holter
it doesn't have to mean
anything.
sometimes I just need to
draw something.
something about the way her
hair falls into her face
when she laughs.

something about that crow on
that wire that keeps
yelling my name as if I've
hurt his feelings and he wants me
dead and in Hell.
something about the way I've never
heard anybody say they
love me in her western dialect
before.
I melt whenever she does.
hey, I melted the first time
she said she liked me.

that's all there is to it.
it doesn't have to mean anything.
just like dust, rain, chest pain,
a cracked windshield, a hole in
your sock or a letter from the
taxman.

it's just poetry, mum.
just little
somethings.
 Nov 2014
SG Holter
Did I offend you?*
the new foreman doesn't know me
that well yet.
I move quickly. make noise
when I work. might not always
pay the respect others feel
themselves due.

sir. I've been declared dead once
already. my surgeon was a veteran,
he still gets chills when looking
back at how my heart
started up again after the final,
desperate zap.

this combination of high blood
pressure and Warfarin has me
knowing full well that I hover
above my grave at all times.
one sneeze or a falling object
combined with the right amount of
everyday bad luck

could see me either dead, or worse;  
needing help to feed or  
wipe myself.
it takes more than constructive
criticism to ruin my day.


more than mere words.
more than thoughtlessness.
more than a bad-beard-day,
a traffic jam or the kind of remark
that a foreman fresh to the site
might dispense to seem
confident to the boys.

my world is a friendly one.
it's easy to understand and forgive
when you've been so close to death
that all those who haven't, are 
children.
 Nov 2014
Robin Marie
Well I'm just a light bulb, and you deserve the stars.
 Nov 2014
Wanderer
Slate skies lay still
Cool against my smile on bus stop corners
Already missing the bright caress of sun
Your letters arrive less and less
Further apart than the one before
I breathe you in on each envelope
Curled black ink telling more secrets than truths with each line

In my bedside drawer
rest letters sealed and stamped.
piles upon piles of potential
regret.
I may not shine, but I choose
not to rain.
silence is at times
closer to a yes in my language than in yours.
here, attached to the leg
of a white dove;
my heart. blank paper is
still paper. men suffer
from limbs lost
without words.

Tracing the edges of many a time read pages
I hear between the lines
More loudly than what is written
Dear John on the tip of my fingers
A heart that will not give up
Shadows lace this back and forth
Waiting for the light to break

My heart and I are not
always on speaking terms.
sometimes I want to
tell it I'm sorry, but it alway
beats me to it.
keep my blood flowing, I
beg of it, and I will think
for us both.

later. later. later.
then we'll rest in love's
nest of sweet childlike
restlessness.
later.
I have heavens for us, after
the rain.
suns with your name
on them.
blue is the color of sorrow
and cloudless
skies.

I will be seeing you in starlight
Behind the echo of my midnight sighs
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