I'm that girl no one loves,
The one who's head is in the clouds.
I'm the girl who people talk to when they need help,
The one they spill all that they have felt.
I'm the girl who people can spill secrets to,
The one who really cares about you.
I'm the girl who sits there with them as they cry,
The one who hears all their problems in life.
I'm the girl who gives them hope,
The one who cheers them up with a joke.
I'm the girl they mistake as strong,
The one that will help people along.
I'm the girl who they never noticed,
The one who's sacrificed.
I'm the girl who gets ignored,
The one who people leave after they get bored.
I'm the girl who's never been noticed by anyone,
The one people abandon when they're done.
I'm the girl who's tears are never noticed,
The one who's happy personality is completely bogus.
I'm the girl who always feels ugly,
The one who wants to die because of the disgusting feelings.
I'm the one who gets rejected by others,
The one who will protect you fiercely like a mother.
I'm the girl who's not even considered a girl by people,
I'm the one who's considered an outcast and a witch to them all.
I'm the girl who is here to the end,
The one who's just a friend.

a good day

a smile on my face

my life touched with grace

**a good day

I have learned
     through rigorous study

the delicate and necessary

     art
          of
making the best of a bad situation

Sitting outside at 3am and nothing reflects the corners of my mind more accurately than the dead of the night and the rain on this page.
No sound but that of others living their lives; sleeping through their dreams whilst I'm here wondering what mine really are.
The ash on my cigarette burning to my fingertips as I run away with the thoughts of what could have been.
The heat of the tea that I'm drinking burning me right down to my stomach just as your words do to my mind when Ieast expect it, when inside I'm so cold.
And you shock me.
You shock my system and I start to crack.
You never cease to amaze me.
Never cease to amaze me.
And where will I go from here?
My hands are exhausted with each stroke of the pen as each line I write is just a recurring thought that has already been discussed,  analysed and evaluated.
The colder it gets the more comfortable I feel.
The more at home I am.
And it's sad.
It's so sad.
I look up at the sky and the clouds are a gentle reminder that maybe I'll never see the stars again.
This place is so dark but the light seems so foreign to me.
Life is so foreign to me.
And towards death I am drawn.
I wonder how am I still here.
But I am.
And there must be a reason greater than this realisation.
The rain never stops falling but the grass never stops growing.
And without suffering there would be no compassion.
Maybe I feel this way so that you don't have to.
Balance.
I fight the lows by getting high.
I used to embrace the lows just to feel.
I don't want to feel anymore.
Can you feel this?
Sit here with me.
Join me.
Read my eyes as the rain clouds them.
Read these words as my tears drown them.
And what do I have left to share with you but the reality of this hell on earth that we must endure just to make it to the other side in the hope of something better.
But is there something better?
And do I want to risk it?
Stay here in this moment hoping daylight never comes or risk the morning sunlight and the hope that things will change.
The heat as it burns through the truth of who I am.
What I am.
But daylight always comes and nobody feels content all of the time.
And the daylight will fall upon me and I'll just want to sleep.
Because I can't stand the hours knowing it's not where I'm supposed to be.

Staring at the sea looking for my reflection
I see nothing but inflection
It moves me

Feeling the wind searching for my direction
I feel nothing but perfection
It steers me

Intuition surrounds me for protection
I sense nothing but connection
It binds me

You set me in motion Love
You direct me Love
You keep me and I keep you. . . Forever...
In Love

*Reza Bavar

I'm better now.
Beat. Shake. Hands shake.
You okay? Blink. "I'm fine."
(Don't think. It's not a crime
to feel like your skin doesn't fit.)
To not really want to quit
any more. Hands shake. Beat. Blink.
Break. Boots quake.
Blisters pop inside your brain.
You okay? Blink. What?
"Sorry. Just not sleeping well."
(Going through Hell. Can't tell you that.)

I'm fine. Thanks for the sympathy.
(Throw me a line.)

Today I place you where you belong
Not where I wan't you to be
For the lie which has held me hostage
Now in truth has set me free

T'was never a word that you uttered
Nor any gift that you had shown
That made me hold u so exalted
No. That blame is all my own

Funny how the brain can ration out
a senseless amount of care
Giving the most to one so common
And the least to one so rare.

You were never my Anam cara
Not my soulmate, nor " the one"
Just another man, of many men
When it was all said and done.

And so...

Today I place you where you belong
Not where I wan't you to be
For the lie which has held me hostage
Now in truth has been set free

unless i'm a bench that talks horse trot i'm a horrid companion for your thinking, but since you're a horse trotting bench, i'll do my thinking and you your living. let's face it: if i'm a useless bench that talks horse trot, i must be a horrid companion in not wanting to hear your thinking but hear knocking on bench, as if the jean door opened with rip sizing up anorexia to be housewife material; leverage that cat into materials for solid 5pm meals meowed, i'm sure you'll find a safety pin in that haystack of yours first, than encounter a definition of poetry: fear of punctuation, hence cascade, poetry, fear of punctuation, or in anti-cartesian terms: i punctuate therefore i think, i am is already equated with sun and stone; that's poetry, because the other suitor only said something about two functions and one of them as a function using ambiguity from ditto to "function."*

you'll find that i said less of what i could have meant,
and sensed more of what i could have said,
but of that "more:" i meant more to be unsaid
than could have been said with an increment of sensed.