I walk through the crowd
To go sit down

Music playing
Way too loud

I can't think
I can't breathe

I liked to get up
Walk and leave

I suddenly realize
I'm at home alone

I gotta stay away from that tea!

They once called me crazy
I've since been deemed sane

Is it insanity
When I call out your name

In the middle of the night
Alone in my bed

My heart it bleeds sorrow
I can't hear your name

It drives me to madness
I'm going insane

I can't call you up
I can't knock on your door

Each time I think of you
I'm wanting you more

I wake in the darkness
A terrible fright

I don't feel any warmth now
I can't see the light

I try to forgive you
I try to let go

I still think about you
I thought you should know

I stand up
Leave a rose on your stone

Say my goodbyes
And walk myself home

The purple tracks
running up her arms
were a tell tale sign,
a roadmap of hell
to the death
she was travelling to
& no matter what I said,
her hollow
black-eyes spoke volumes
about the journey
she hated,
but could not stop.

Your words are pebbles
That disrupt the sleeping seas
In the depth of my soul
Causing tidal waves I can
Only drown in

Blessed are the eyes of the poets
who see a deeper truth.

Loving me is like trying to venture into the deep, cavernous wasteland of the shattered pieces of my soul. I seriously don't know what will be left of you when you return...a hollow shell of a human being when someone like me has disposed of you.
Loving me is going to end with the essence stolen from your very being. Not a very charming proposition, but there it is.

So many things are swimming through my mind right now.
So many thoughts, memories, emotions, and demons.
They float by like sheets of ice,
chilling me down to the deepest part of my broken soul,
making me numb.
Their compositions are so complex I avoid them for my sanity.
My mind is so distortedly dysfunctional.
It's filled with an infinite number of all these things,
but if I focus on one of them for too long, my mind pushes them out of reach.
My mind is a vast labyrinth guarded by sarcasm, bitterness, and a mask of composure,
filled with wastelands, trenches, and locked doors.
Only those that are patient will ever find the vault at its very center,
and even then, my mind is nearly impossible to crack.
This vault is like no other.
It's one that you never
                                                        want
                                                                                      to
                                                                                                             open.

Despite my mind's shortcomings, it's quite clever in this one sense.
The vault contains demons so repulsive, so revolting, so disturbingly terrifying,
why, my mind can't even remember what it put there.
But at night, as my mind pulls at dreams,
the vault is most unfortunately opened when my guard is down.
I sometimes wake up breathless,
with only faint recollections of the nightmarish memories and demons that my mind conjured and unleashed in slumber.
As suddenly as I awaken, the dark matter of my mind retracts back into the vault before I have much else to do.
I then peel myself off of my bed, scrape the attempt of a smile out of the gutters of my soul, and go about my day.
There are other times when the solid walls of my mind melt away for reasons I cannot explain.
Everything then swims through my mind,
all the darkness of it tugging at the back of my consciousness,
wearing away at my thought process,
and filling up my mind with hazy grief.
Nonetheless, the vault of my mind is better off locked.

However, by design, a vault must have a key to open it.
The key to mine takes many different forms,
and the interesting part is, I don't know what the key looks like.
From day to day, my mind is an imposing, impenetrable fortress,
to the point where even my own mind can't determine its complexity.
I live each day, watching, searching,
dreading the day when I finally find what frees my mind
from its nightmares, secrets, and its vault.