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 Jul 2017
sabrina flowers
I've never been good at
Being touched.

Though the fingers
Of endless suitors
Have traced incomparable
Lines of affection,
They all stroke
The same wounds.

New hands feel like
Recycled lullabies,
Humming promises
Of a new melody,
Singing a remedy for
My impassivity.

Whether words fall
Passionate or
Fearful,
Endearment lines my lips
With an expiration
Long enough to convince me,
But short enough to leave me.

Reminding me:
The disintegration of
Indifference
Remains
My prerequisite
For destruction.

So before you
Touch me with
Promises of a new
Orchestration,
I'm already marking the
Days until you leave.

Because my skin
Is tired of
Intruders hidden
Behind momentary
Infatuation.

So keep your hands to yourself.
 Jul 2017
Pagan Paul
.
As I walk this lonely path
the music plays for me.
Picking at the neat stitches,
the seams of my inner universe.
Somewhere a dam bursts,
a levee breaks, floodgates open.
And vision is impaired by drops
like boulders of rain on a windscreen,
but I have no wiper blades,
just the rims of my wraparounds.
And the music plays on regardless,
ripping through the fabric,
the cushion of my existence.
Control lets go, an illogical absentee.
Millennia creep by as minutes tick.
Sliding through black curtains sight returns,
the shakes pass slowly, rubbernecking shame.
And as the music plays in my head,
I walk the path and treasure the gift
of tears for souvenirs.


© Pagan Paul (2017)
.
When nobody sees you cry ...
.
 Jul 2017
Akira Chinen
And I blame the likes of JM Dematteis and Jon J Muth
for writing and Illustrating The Complete MoonShadow
so perfectly well
and Charles Baudelaire for leaving behind
his flowers for all the world
to smell the evil within their roots
and for Blake for his reeds and his tiger
and his heaven and hell
and for freezing eternity so we might all catch a glimpse
and for Bukowski and Hunter
for turning ugly truths into something beautiful
we could all enjoy hating
and for Shakespeare and Gaiman
and the dreams they weave
into the fabrics of our soul
and for the devil and temptation
and for god and shame
and for the laughter of children
and the tears of the grieving
who will never hear their children laugh again
and for those that paint
something beautiful out of all the pain
that they feel and see in the world
and the melancholy who sit high up
in dead tree branches to hang the moon
and the stars in the dark of the night
so the rest of us dont have to be lost and alone
in the lonely hours between sleep and dreams
and for each painful breath
that reminds me where love once lived
in my chest and each joyful sigh
that reminds that I'm still alive
and that somewhere between the shadows of doubt
and the glimpse of brief moments of hope
I still might find a seed shaped
like a heart beating  to plant in my hand
and sew over my chest
and I can meet death
with love still living inside the cold ground
where my body will rest
 Jun 2017
Jeffrey
I let you have your way with me
and in the moment of such reckless abandon
I was turned on by my own disgust
knowing that it wasn’t for my greater good
And how mourning and morning would come in tandem

But putting my hands above my head
and feeling you press down on either side of my hips
while fighting the urge to run
I wanted you to make me yours
dark though this way it would come

I licked my lips unconsciously
biting down as you opened me up
while I bargained with myself
for no one lies to us sweeter than
we do to ourselves

Then just before I allowed myself
to be devoured, to be consumed by the fire
pouring from your wet sweet flush
I caught my reflection in the mirror

Afraid of what I would become
should I allow the desecration
I flipped you on your back
Held your head in both my hands
Kissed you on the forehead
Laced my soul up from the floor
While walking slowly from the room
at last, I was finally free
I love having you all with whom to share our stories
 Jun 2017
Onoma
hands fell from what
they could never hold,
settled in seawater.
were written away
by changing currents.
indelible marks left
traceless, bony digits
passed through clarity.
an instant ten-count
wash of blood, Jesus
Christ where'd they go?
they raised themselves
in answer, and worked
across a face that awakened.
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