Perhaps I cried before I wrote this
Perhaps the tears are fresh upon
My face, flushed with tragedy
This pain is unreal

I have seen
My closest friend
Bring a hand up
Right before my eyes
And swallow her demise
In the form of pills
And yes, I cried

I remember the car crash
That left me unscathed
While four other bodies
Smoldered in wreckage
And I cried

I tumbled through six months
Institutionalized on suicide watch
And my only friend disappeared
And I cried every day

I watched a little boy
Jump from a shoal near the riverbank
And miss his step
He was underwater for fifty six minutes
His name was Elijah
And I cried for him

I heard the gunshot
That took the life of my cousin
And downstairs
Was a horror scene
And I cried

But this...
...this pain
The knee-buckling strike
Of losing the only calm
Ever to see this storm
Leaves me screaming
Head pounding
Eyes closed
And where warmth
Used to lay next to me
Lies but a cold shadow of a memory
One that mocks me for my mistakes

Perhaps I cried while I wrote this
Perhaps



I find myself whispering in the dark:





*I don't want to sleep alone anymore...

Was her last request, and bound to her I happily acquiesced  
In that moment I found strength in her misplaced optimism, the faintest whisper of hope

As she turned away, I told her, "You'll be back in no time", not realizing what a cruel lie that must have been
For months I waited as seasons changed, mocking me with their linear courses

My window became my mirror, but all that was reflected marked tragedy
The phone call had my heart coiled in the cold grip of reality, and I fled inwards, locking myself away
I had known the truth, but for months sought to deny myself closure

At the funeral, looking into her once green eyes, I screamed in blind fury, cursing her addictions and beauty
She had the courtesy not to respond

Sometimes, in my head, I jump back six and a half years and return to that dusty window sill
Still waiting

I sit there and hope, although I'm not sure for what
Your name is forever a part of me

I still love you, I suppose, and with all my heart can reach out with, I want you to come back

I did what you said

I waited

Floating in air,
Surrounded
By flocks of geese,
Giving me an awkward stare,
I glide between the clouds
Vapour mixed with crystalline tears,
I could stay here forever
Gliding,
Quite,
Thoughts,
So clear up here,
But I am still a prisoner
Gravity pulls me down,
Cant be felt but always there
Miles,
Meters,
Feet,
Coming up fast
I pull my cord
My wings of silk expand
Save me,
From what would have awaited
I sail gently to the earth
The rush of the
Heavens,
to
Earth,
The rush of freedom
Falling through open air.