somedays you just
need kind words
[even if they're not meant for you.]

I dream mostly
in flowers and
in the shape of
your words
pressed quietly
into the skin
behind my right
ear.

seven hells, man!
i was just getting started,
you **** fool!
do you know what that means?
i walk around with
scandalous thoughts of you
a perfectly innocent look on my face
the inside of my lip raw
i had ideas,
you jack ***!
...waiting for boldness to overwhelm me
...waiting for the spring air
    to come in my window and
      make me wild
you deserve a good slap
if you deserve anything at all,
devil above me
devil behind me
devil below me

I shouldn't be in love with you in any way shape or form, but I still am. my body shouldn't be shaking when your eyes dart across at me in the hallway, but I still am. I shouldn't be reminiscing of when you and I were happy and laughing without any fear of the world, but I still am.

i've broken other peoples' hearts
in a vain attempt to understand
how you broke mine
how you could love me
then leave me
with nothing but a cold shoulder
as a consolation prize

and i still don't understand
because i mourn for those
whose hearts i've broken
and i want to love them
even though i can't

but i'm not a mindreader, so tell me:
did you want to love me or
was leaving really so easy?

The first snowflake of winter fell onto her russet locks,
settled with a place to rest
but she reached her hands up in a fumble
and pulled them from the tangled mess
they melted in her palm,
and became little puddles of  n o s t a l g i a

The promise
of tonight
stirs within

Let it
soon
begin

should the sun bite my lower lip
and moon forge goodbyes
i will cut the blades of the sea-foam waves
and hide within your tempestuous eyes

so long my love, so long first love
until we meet in the bluest fire
tease the light out with your wits
a siren song, a salt-soaked liar

hell is a state of mind
when you lose all the knowledge you once had
when the confidence you fought so hard to obtain
vanishes
when you fruitlessly google your countless camalities
scrambling through advice columns and blogs
to answer a question which may not even be the right one

hell is a state of mind
where you can only come up with brilliant ideas
when you lack the capacity to act up on them
when your energy is drained

hell is a state of mind
where you can only connect the dots before you hit the pillow
where it turns an attempted 8 hour sleep
into a 3 hour death roll

hell is a state of mind
that you're lost in

i've grown tired of my words
because they sound so much
like me.

you
you think this a lot
with emphasis
a one word blame
disappointment, you suppose

but you don't think it at other people
oh,
oh, they're fine.
its you
because what the *****
is wrong with you

you still haven't figured that bit out yet

bit by bit
you lose yourself
things you were
things you did
they're gone now
maybe you remember them
maybe you don't
(you think you don't)
you think there used to be so much more
but now
now it's just you
waiting in the parking lot
pavement cracked and covered in chewing gum
the lights flickering
like fires among the rows of houses
flickering like candles put out in a rush during a black-out
and you're staring at these lights
waiting
watching them flicker
flicker
flicker
until its the
last
light
out

i wish i were
awake enough
to live my life.