Rain comes down,
Heavy as ache, wet as blood,
Makes dirt sound
That shatters ground and mood
Drumming onto leaves.

Rain scabs earth,
Murky as love, dark as wound,
Sprinkles the cold
Forest that smokes out light,
Sun smothers into moon.

Rain races down,
No things seem to matter much,
Creatures disembodied
Come and go in lazy rushes
Even heart withholds.

Rain cleanses not
And there is no sky these days
For flights so empty,
Lost in the faraways of nows,
Sun blots away by moon.

The glimmer of light
skimming upon ripples
is so bright
I squint
trying to capture
its sparkling life,
to absorb its nature
and bare witness
while it yet exist,
before it slips
away
like a passing love
you would die to save.

and i am sorry, oh
god i am so sorry that
i cannot apologize for the
things that have made my love
hard. i cannot take blame for
the way other fingertips have burned
my skin, i cannot atone for the bite-marks
on my wrists, or the start and
finish lines, the races that have been run
down my thighs and to my ankles.
i cannot pardon the graveyard of past
love that vandalizes my body like an oil portrait,
i have always looked like a museum exhibit
for the art of leaving. i am carved out by
the stained glass of all of my goodbyes
and it has taken my love by the throat,
it has rubbed my mouth raw, it has made
gasps of air between the breaks of kisses
hurt my teeth. i am sorry that i cannot
excuse the people that have
made me flinch, made me distrust, made me
carry myself gentler when it rains. all i can do is
give you a paintbrush and tell you that
i will still be art when you are finished with me.

I remember you are always there for me
Sometimes I couldn't see

I remember your love was there for me
I always could see

I remember the way you patched my boo boos for me
We would blow together on my knee

I remember you feeding me
I knew we had little money but you did it for me

I remember you kissing and hugging me
I'll never forget they was all for me

I remember you laughing with me
We'd laugh for hours just for me

I remember the books you read to me
You'd read book after book and taught me how to treat a book just for me

I remember how sweet and perfect you are to me
You taught me how to be kind to one another just for me

I remember going camping and fishing and taking those catfish off the hook with me
You only did that for me

I remember you showing me how to be a great friend for me
You are my best friend to me

I remember everything you knew you taught me
You did it all for me

I remember that you tell me you'll always keep learning for me
You did that only for me

I remember every time you say I love you to me
I knew it was always for your love of me

Mom I remember everything you are to me
I love you and that's from me

Hit me so I taste blood
I’ll swallow it
Mama didn’t raise no spitter
Kiss me with your teeth
Lock me away with the monsters in the closet
Tie me with up with heartstrings
Wrap me up in sandpaper

Keep your tenderness far from me
Your sweet nothings rot my teeth
Holding me close at sunrise gives me morning-after sickness
Kisses on my forehead break my skin out
Touching me gently gives me hives, not goosebumps
If you don’t pretend to care
I won’t have to pretend to believe you

I have a son
not too far south
of me, close enough
to jump in my car
and go speak of my love

but I won't put a bit
in his mouth or saddle
him with my troubles

We could cut our palms
open with sharp knives
and be blood brothers
the rest of our lives

and I could find another
woman in the mountains
instead of staying here
with his mother he loves
while he swims his own
sea of life without me

instead I drive long drives
and count the keys
on the black piano
of the highways at night
passing beautiful women
who wave and smile back

but I'm only dreaming
keeping night watch
over my bed,  I dream
about old songs that sing
back to me like one
by Townes Van Zandt
about going down to see
a woman named Kathleen.