I SAW MY HEART
It very rarely happens
You get to see your heart
But I saw mine, the other day
At least, I did in part

I watched it on the screen
Pulsating with such might
With veins and arteries all around
It sure was, quite a sight

I marveled at, the depth to which
It bulged and then collapsed
Was mesmerized, by its beat
As that rhythmic time elapsed

Then the dye, like ink from squid
Thru turns and bends it streamed
Filling tiny thread like veins
Thru never ending strands, it seemed          

My heart collapsed, the dye was gone
As if by magic, disappeared
The muscle poised, to bulge again
Exposing every vessel cleared

A sudden flash, the scene is gone                      
A new view takes its place
Then once again, the dye begins
Probing, for new pathways to retrace                  
                                                              
A wondrous gift, that made me think
How it all comes to be
The ebb and flow of each heart beat
And what it meant to me
BOEMS BY JA 281        

Cardiac dye test prior to my second heart operation in 2014

DAY ONE- MINUS THREE                                        
It’s now day one, to minus three
Stuck up in this, proverbial tree
Just hanging on, for dear life
Not knowing what’s to be

I try to not, share my thoughts
With family or my friends
I hide them deep, within my heart
Until, this ordeal ends

That way I seem, unafraid
So brave without a care
I keep them under lock and key
And to speak them, do not dare
BOEMS BY JA 282
        
Three days till the heart operation 2014

THE I.C.U. SMART BED                                        
In the intensive care unit
I got my first, Smart Bed
Worth sixty thousand dollars
At least that’s what they said

This bed could move
This bed could talk
This bed could sing
This bed could rock

It was so advanced
It dispensed my medications
Displayed all my vitals
And their fluctuations

If I hummed a tune
I don’t know how it guessed
But it would always, somehow
The right song, finesse

This made me apprehensive
To myself express
For even if I sneezed
It would say, “God Bless”

It could measure temperature
And also what you weigh
Give you, a heads up
And the time of day

It could tilt and lift
Had settings to vibrate
And each of those vibrations
It could modulate

If I couldn’t sleep
Or if I tossed and turned
It would start to rock me
This at night I learned

To get into a rhythm
Became the nightly trick
Cause if you weren’t in sync
You would get sea sick

And waking up
Became a rousing charm
First the soft, sweet music
Then that ******* alarm

If I was sad
It read my mood
Then cheered me up
Dispensed snack food

And if by chance
I blew a ****
It printed out
An air flow chart

The mattress was
Just full of air
With all these pockets
Everywhere

If I sat down
It receded
Then puffed back up
As I needed

For with a move
Of any sort
It was right there
To give support

And when I lay
But did not move
It seemed to fill
My every groove

So when I sat
To have my snack
It spread my cheeks
Then filled my crack

But when I had to poo
A hole would open up
Just big enough in size
For my **** to drop

When I was done my movement
It gently washed and dried
Quite the nice experience
I really was surprised

But, my biggest thrill
Was when I had to ***
Oh, what it could do for women
If it so pleasured me

This suction tube extended
And did my prostrate meet
Then, attached right to it
Like a Bovines ****

It ****** out all the *****
Now that was quite a trip
And then it took a pause
Awaiting that last drip

So, I was quite upset
When, they rudely me dispatched
For I was by then, to it
Very much attached

But, before I left that room
I cannot tell a lie
I gave my bed a hug
And it told me “Goodbye”
BOEMS BY JA 273        
Written in hospital 2014

MY QUIETUS                                                  
Having long ago gone past
The equinox, of my being
Now, it’s only atrophy
In myself I’m seeing

Yet, I grudgingly march on
To the solstice in my life
A meeting with that grim
And hooded thing, with scythe

But, this journey to my destiny
At the end of perdition’s road
Is made, not with heavy heart
But with joy, from easing of the load
BOEMS BY JA 286          
Written in hospital 2014

Let me tell you who I am
I'm an American Born girl
Proud to be here
I wouldn't want to live anywhere else
I've enjoyed my freedom...still do, and you?

Used to love running through the Barns and playing in the hay
I wear a dog-eared well worn baseball cap
most days
Some kind of faded ol' denim jeans and a fun
t-shirt...
and if it isn't ***** I might even wear it to bed...
I use homemade oatmeal and lavender soap, a little pink shiny lipgloss, maybe espresso mascara...dark red chipped painted toenails in flip-flops or work boots
hair in hat...keys in hand
all kinds of weather, I'm prepared

Yes I've hunted for deer!
Skinned and gutted one for a high school paper...
quite a caper..

I can change my own oil  
or a dang flat tire
break into my Volvo with a piece of wire?
Did I say that?!
And...I can drive just about anything
including...so true,  backing up a trailer into a boat launch

Oh ..my redneck side?
Come on let's go for a ride...
I've ridden on four-wheelers and snowmobiles
out in the glorious midnight
freezing breath is close to heaven on those mountains

Spent summers at the camp
on the lake
Swimmin'
cookin'
swingin'  and singin'
off from the the bank
crystal clear blue waters run deep
flyin' from a rope
holdin' on to serious hope
not to be pushin' daises
we were a bunch of crazies !

Raisin' kids...
Some people think I'm a hippie chick
and that's true too
I eat mostly organic food
I love to cook my hopes and wishes
in amazing dishes...
and sharing that with good people

I like interior design
I drink a bit of wine
And I LOVE dessert...
We are just like a
Strawberry & Blueberry Shortcake
Fresh fluffy white whipped cream
and berries
Homemade biscuits...
like a flag waving

I love road trips...
    getting high
... watching the world go by....
it's so wonderful I could cry
and I went so fast on that crotch-rocket
of a motorcycle
I thought I could even fly!

Why I love every kind of music
hard to stop me from dancing
and prancing through life
singing...poetic songs.

I am probably one of the most genuine
and honest people you'll ever know
come along I'll show you...
I hope to be like the Salt of the Earth
like my Father...
He valued this place
and I have some of his face

It's not that I can't avert the truth...
I can
I'm just not capable of lying...
not being truly dishonest
I mean if you ask me something
straight out ...
look me right in my eyes
I would have to tell you honestly
that I feel this overwhelming love for everyone and everything...

You know that it troubles me
going to a landfill and seeing all the waste
left in carless choices and hurried haste
hello, the Ice Caps people!!!
Those poor Polar Bears...

I swear...
I've resorted to trash collecting
in my town
All that is going to be buried in the Earth!!!
What the heck was it even worth?
I recycle or compost almost
everything!

Well it makes me sick...
time is ticking....
now is definitely the time

People are dying....
why am I crying?
...over my broken heart?
No, I can't
because the more horrible events
and floods of  information I see
word *****
on the internet or the news
different views
as NPR is bleeding through the radio
about how bad this world has become ....

And so many people with it so much worse...
So...I have this curse anyway,
wanting change...
trying to create it,
just makes me wish
I could go somewhere else...
run away?
no.... I stay

I fight
do what is right
this is my land, your land...OUR land
take a frickin' stand
to fix this country!

We need real effort...
a movement
and I would like to do anything
to make it spread...
before I'm dead...
so...
what can I do? And you?

Some people say you can move mountains...help please?
The people like me...you see
they always say I'm a beautiful mess
those Sensitive Souls
we get wounded really easy
and I get kind of queasy
though I've learned to have a thick skin,
every time they take me down
I come back around again
it is still harder for me to come back up
time is always short...

My face is bearing more freckles
these days
and the suns rays see my hands
a bit more weathered
though I'm still tethered to you
I still feel young...
have to tap into that,
Put on my baseball cap
n-play...
carryin' a big stick walking softly

So my body does not feel old...
even when it is...very cold
I fight for my kids, and your family too
I look to the blue
the sky
tenderly asking why?
I can see the heavens
They are consoling my heart
I've been to the very...
very bottom
And I always got a new start
don't give up...
we still have work to do...
yes me ...
and you too

Hey, I still believe in fairy tales
and miracles
In shooting stars
healing scars
The butterflies in your stomach
on that very first kiss...
sent out on a wish

I still believe in love
and angels from above....
I have Faith
This world...the Earth can heal
I feel my heart,
well it will heal right too
I can feel
it ...so can't you?
Tell me then ...what I can do?

Don't know how many times
a heart can break
 but I will help you heal
so....do we got a deal?
cause this thing,  well it's for real

...just take my hand..
maybe if we plan
to take a stand
say our demands?
as one...they'll listen?

 We can do it together
regardless of the weather
jump in your truck
and my beliefs might be
different than yours
I might be much farther to the left
than you are
we all want the same things
to be happy and free
To be
Whoever we are
I'm still waiting for all these answers
and I hope I will still find my soul's mate too...tell me? What else can I do?

If I were to write you a poem

I might appeal to your senses

Tastes and smells
That trigger comfort
And satiety

Images that make a man
Stand taller

There would have to be
A mountain
And some tall trees.

If I were to write you a poem

There would be a hand to hold
Shining eyes
And communication without words

One day soon
I will write it

I took a freshbaked pie
To show Bob today.
Stranger asked-
What kind is it?

Sweet potato-
And I kept walking

Heard him say
I thought she was flirting.

But I don't
Flirt.

If the work of my hands
Doesn't entice

And the work of my mind
Doesn't intrigue

And the sparkle of my eyes
Doesn't embolden

well, you know what they say
In the south

But I don't flirt