You still mean each one,
Even though you mean them differently.
These are feelings I should shun,
But they mean too much to me.

So far above is she,
Strewn in a chair in a chaotic workspace,
Stricken from my reach by a sheet of glass.

Can she even see me?
Penning notes and sheets of music apace,
As days and weeks, too fast, pass.

I long to know her,
I long to be her,
I long to stand by her side,
I long to become her bride.

But alas.
This art is meant for someone else.

The future is a place of terror to me,
Uncertain truths and dwindling returns.
The people around me fade out,
Or perhaps I'm the one lost in the background?
There isn't some international lost and found
Where old and new friends can simply shout
To allow me to return feelings I once spurned;

A future alone is all I can see.

A centum of poetic prose
Presented daily from this fractured soul
A veritable storm of highs and lows
As I've stretched to make myself whole

At the start, I was skeptic,
Never believing I could take myself this far,
But through a life dysphoric and narcoleptic,
I'm proud to say this doesn't seem bizarre.

It's not quite a third ways through,
But I'm maintaining a strong pace.
So, as I continue to write about you,
I hope you'll help me find my place.

This path is immeasurable,
Far too long for my eye.
But I've walked for enough now
That I've left the path behind.

Charting waters of art is scary,
Especially on a timeline I can't vary
But hey.
We're this far.
How about I say
I'll keep chasing this star?

I mean why not? Can't get any worse.

It all lost meaning because I didn't do it for me.
Getting all dressed up to the nines for everyone else
Took everything euphoric out of it all.

But now, I can see.
This time it was for myself.
It rose my heart too high to ever fall.

I lost my new identity
When it became a justification.
But I'm doing it all for me,
To hell with condemnation.

It's all the small things
That keep me pinned to the ground.
A thousand thousand grains of sand
Each a weight beyond me,
Each a weight I cannot bear.
I hate it.
I hate that I can't fix it.

Deeds in the mail;
They'll make me female
In the eyes of the law
I've had to endure.

Even though the world is **** right now,
Filled with people who won't allow
Me to be who I know I am;
I can be me, thankyou ma'am.

I can be happy, for at least a little while.

Two stones eroding,
Neither willing to give ground;
Forever bonded

Tick
Tick
Tick
Against my wrist
Against my mind
Tick
Tick
Tick
Forever pushing forward
Forever falling behind
Tick
Tick
Tick
Gears turning it's face
Gears turning my mind
Tick

Tick


Tick



Until this moment lasts forever

It's simple to you

It's not for me

I'm sorry that that's an issue

We gather again tonight
Friends coming together
Enjoying the one hobby we all share.




So why do I feel dread?

A thousand things you'd never do
Have become the thousand things you're doing.

But I get it.

She means more to you than I do.
More than I ever did.
Because to you she's a woman.
And that's the one thing I'll never be to you.