Wherefore do you appear afore me?
Do you mean to follow where e'er I go?
My slumbers and dreams are no longer free,
If you aren't here, I fear when you'll show.

I might find it comforting, your constant
Presence keeping me here in reality,
But your mask works hard to hide your intent,
There's no room for emotion buried in your brevity.

Whenceforth do you hail from?
Where this behaviour is encouraged?
'Tis a place of oddity and them some,
I'm sure. Travel there is now discouraged.

By me, specifically.
Stop wearing those creepy hats.

It's such a strange word.

I can make it happen,

That belief isn't so absurd;

Yet I still find it so hard to be open.

I don't particularly care though,

Yeah, I'm miserable. So?

Changing my future is within my ability.

'they're both so manly'
I thought you would know better
Maybe you do know
Maybe you speak truth
But you're trampling my heart
And it hurts too much

Should I feel shame?
I do.
Your affections seem so tame,
So simple and easy for you,
It's something that comes natural.
It isn't your fault my heart is so fractal.

I sit here, overcome with envy,
I wear it as easily as I breathe.
It isn't a shade that suits me;
At least, that's what I like to believe.
I selfishly crave everything you have,
Because it is everything I cannot have.

Will never have.

Can never have.

The jealous do not prosper.

Letters and emails
Emerge like hideous weeds
They serve one purpose

They all remind me
Of all my failings in life
I am stranded here

I'm different so you treat me like a child,
As if a single misplaced word will drive me wild,
Don't you see how that's seen?

One word and suddenly you're a world-class painter
But artists aren't limited to a solitary brush.
I'm not some unhinged animal waiting to see a trainer,
I still have a heart, and feelings I feel you crush.
Am I even here to you?

Or am I just a title?
A condition?
Something to murmur in hushed whispers
About why I act the way I do
Why I say the things I do
But I'm more than that.

I'm not expecting you to be perfect.
People speak in weird ways,
Act in a manner I can't affect
The stress within me stays.

I'm not expecting you to be perfect.
I just want you to treat me as a person.

What can our next step be?
This valley is becoming so deep.
Sheer cliffs either side of me,
Pressing in ever further to keep
Me restricted in this place.
Does the sight of myself harm me so?
I'm the first to admit I'd do anything to erase
This body that keeps my spirits so low,
But this catch 22 I find myself in
Is a low even I do not wish to partake.
****** if I do, if I don't, I can't win,
And even still I'm worrying these feelings are fake.
I've sunk too far to hope to surface.
I'm drowning in depths of my own despair.
I tried to find my life at my own pace,
But I guess I forgot to come up for air.

A year ago, I'd hate this.
It would be unacceptable to miss
A deadline I created, arbitrary
It may be, I shouldn't tarry.
But mistakes happen and frankly, a few hours late is better than never.

I've had twelve whole hours
I could pen a masterpiece
This haiku will do

I'm fully aware of risk I take;
Gambling again that I'll even wake,
But the rush is addicting.
Clamping a hand down, inflicting
A state upon myself I cannot
Escape from, time and again I allot
More chances for it all to go wrong.
I'll sing my final swansong.